In Statu Nascendi
by fosforito
Summary: This is the sequel to A twisted tale from a broken heart, now dealing with Jonathan Crane´s adult years tied to the plot of BB. It´s recommended to read ATTFABH first to understand everything. I´M STILL WRITING THE STORY AND PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK!
1. Dr Jonathan Crane

**Chapter 1 (Dr. Jonathan Crane)**

Dr. Jonathan Crane glanced up when he heard someone knocking on his office door.

His secretary Mrs. Theresa Nichols had stepped in, a woman in her mid 40ies with a well-cared appearance and a calm warm voice.

„Dr. Crane. Excuse me, but I have Dr. McCoy on the phone for you. He wants to talk to you about a patient´s referral."

Mrs. Nichols did get the clear order from Dr. Crane not to put through any incoming calls, but she couldn´t brush off Dr. McCoy at all.

Jonathan Crane´s piercing blue eyes gazed directly to Mrs. Nichols and his cold gaze gave her a shiver running down her back.

„Theresa? Remember what I told you?", he asked in a calm voice, raising his eyebrows. „I do said, no calls."

„Doctor, I am.. I am sorry..", Mrs. Nichols stuttered and she felt her hands starting to sweat. „But.. but Dr.McCoy... he didn´t want to... I didn´t know what.."

„It´s okay, Theresa.", Dr. Crane interrupted her and pressed a knob on his phone to forward the call on to his place „But now.. no more incoming calls, please."

„Yes, doctor.", she responded in a soft voice when Dr. Crane´s phone rang and he picked up the receiver.

She stepped out of the office quickly and closed the door behind her. Her heart pounded wildly, when she stood in front of the door, hearing her boss´ calm but strong deep voice coming out of his office.

Dr. Crane´s phone call with Dr. McCoy took just a few minutes only.

„We´ll talk about this later. I now have a hearing at the court in the ´Zsaz´-case", Jonathan Crane had told Dr. McCoy and hung up the phone.

Sighing, he leaned back his head against the headrest of his big leather chair, rocking back and forth and turning around a bit from one side to the other, his gaze moving through his office.

Jonathan Crane was doctor of psychiatry. One of the youngest doctors ever to be on this special field in Gotham. He has done his doctor´s degree with „magna cum laude" and gained a foothold in his job very quickly. The highlight of his career was _this_ now – director of Arkham Asylum. The youngest director ever who had been working at Arkham.

Indeed, he still had his orders from the state to obey how to do his director job at Arkham, he still wasn´t making the real big bucks´, but it was enough already to afford some luxury: a big heavy writing desk made of dark veined mahagony wood with rims made out of pure gold, a big comfortable Designer-Office-Chair made out of fine leather, original paintings of famous artists hanging on the walls of his office, his Jaguar Cabriolet in the garage of Arkham Asylum and not to forget his tailor-made suits for at least 1.000 dollars each.

He wasn´t a millionaire yet – but he also didn´t have to refuse anything to himself anymore .. as he had to do before.

Jonathan pushed aside his thoughts about former times when he watched at his expensive Rolex on his wrist. 10:30 a.m.

_´Time to drive to Gotham Central Court.´_, he thought when he rose off his desk. He adjusted his suit and gripped his briefcase standing next to his desk, then he opened the door and stepped out of his office.

Dr. Crane cleared his throat while standing at the doorway of Mrs. Nichols´ place of work, a through room leading to his office. Mrs. Nichols had turned his back to him and suddenly flipped around when she heard Dr. Crane´s deep voice. She propped herself with her elbows on her desk, trying to wipe a tear out of her face.

Jonathan gazed into her eyes. Her make-up was smeared and it was too obvious she had cried.

„Mrs. Nichols, I have a hearing at the court. Would you please be so kind and note down all incoming calls?", Jonathan Crane asked in a calm voice.

„Yes.. yes, of course Dr. Crane.", Mrs. Nichols responded softly and Jonathen could hear a sobbing undertone in her voice.

He turned around to leave the room, but then he paused and turned around to his secretary again.

He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and placed it in front of Mrs. Nichols on her desk.

Jonathan could hear her saying softly „Thank you, doctor.", when he turned around again and stepped out of the room without saying anything.


	2. The Arrival

**Chapter 2 (The Arrival)**

Gotham International Airport was already crowded this morning when the young lady stepped out of the plane and walked slowly to the migration- and customs area.

It was a long flight from Asia and the young lady had been asleep for almost the entire trip. However, her sleep had been fitful because bad reminiscences of former times were pursuing her even into her sleep. Occaisonally she had waken up over and over again and stood up to run through the plane from one side to the other and then to fall asleep again after having a glass of Scottish whiskey.

The young woman looked at her watch, when she took her place in the line for U.S. Citizens in the migration area. 10:30 a.m.

_Hm, I´m still on time.´_, she thought. _Still enough time to drive to Gotham Central Court without a hurry, even if I´m getting controlled here.´_

This was her task: drive to Central Court to get into first contact. Well... get into contact. It wasn´t the first time for her doing this job. Indeed, she had found something for herself and over the years she got better and more perfect in it.

Even better for her, because her abilities would help her to connect her private „issues" with her professional ones.

_It´s good to know to have a talent to do a certain work.´_, the young woman thought when the man in front of her has left the counter and the officer waved her to step forward.

„Good morning", the young woman said, giving her most beautiful smile to the officer when she pushed her passport over the countertop to him.

_Not so difficult at all.´_, she thought. The officer was a young, good-looking guy. _A nice view on this early morning. A bit of charm here and there and I´ll be out of this in a minute.´_

„Good morning.", the officer responded and returned her smile.

_Wow, not bad, not bad at all.´_, he thought when he gazed at the young woman´s face. He already had noticed her before when she was standing in the line more behind: her blue-grey eyes, her curly, long, brown hair, her full red lips.

The officer grabbed her passport and started to leaf through it, pretending to check the entries and seals but in secret he was trying to play for time and to hold the young woman at his counter just a bit more.

„So you came from Asia now, right?", he asked, keeping on leafing through the passport.

„Yes, that´s right.", the young woman responded and she felt herself getting a bit nervous.

_Come on, you already know these little games.´_, she thought. _Twist the guy round your little finger, you´re not doing this for the first time now!´_

„As far as I can see it, you´re coming home now, don´t you?", the officer asked and gazed up with a big grin on his face.

„Yeah..well, you know...", the young woman said, grinning too. „Hanging around at home, go out with someone nice, having some beautiful nights, wrigglin´ in bed the whole day... well, you know.. killing time."

The officer´s eyes flashed.

_That´s all right.´_, the young woman thought. _I expected you to understand it right in THAT WAY.´_

„Killing time?", the officer asked and his grin became even wider.

_Yeah, killing time. With a gun, with a knife, with both hands. Just make your choice!´_, the young lady thought.

She didn´t say anything and bit on her lip, gazing directly into the officer´s eyes. He cleared his throat when he realized what effect this gaze had on him.

He started to leaf through her passport again, confused. He found seals and entries from countries all over the world. China, Tibet, France, Scotland, Spain, Italy, Kenya...

„Wow, you´re really coming down in the world!", he said and smiled while looking at the entries. „What is your job?"

„Hmm, well...", the young woman shuffled and the officer could hear a snooty tone in her voice. „ ..what women just do: spying around, stalking, observing, sniffing around and killing people if necessary. Just the usual stuff."

„Oh man, I hope you´re just kidding!", the officer shouted and bursted out laughing while looking up to the young woman.

_You don´t have any idea, how serious I meant that.´_, she thought and smiled at the officer without saying a word.

„Well, Miss... Deveraux.", the officer said, closed the passport and pushed it back over the countertop. „Have a good time here in Gotham."

„Thank you. I´ll have it.", she said, before she gripped her passport with a big grin on her face, then she left off migration area.


	3. First Contact

**Chapter 3 (First Contact)**

Jane Deveraux had taken a cab to get from the airport to Gotham Central Court. During the ride she had stared out of the window without saying a word. Yes, she was at home again! And although she was at home, Gotham had become unfamiliar to her. This wasn´t the town, she had known once!

Suddenly she heard a loud „Beep" and she felt a vibration in the pocket of her coat. It was her cell phone. Jane Deveraux put her hand into the pocket of her coat, pulled out her cell phone and flipped it open. „1 new SMS ", she could read on the display. She had been told not to make calls with her cell phone, but to leave it switched on to get further instructions.

She opened the SMS and found three words in it: „case: Victor Zsaz."

So, this was the reason to have her driving to the court. The reason was this case and all persons who were involved in it. She was told to get into first contact.

_Alright!´_, she thought.

„Is the court still far away from here?", Miss Deveraux asked the taxi driver.

„Oh, not at all, Miss.", he responded. „We´ll arrive there in about 2 minutes."

„Please take the rear entrance.", Miss Deveraux said, closing her cell phone and putting it again into the pocket of her coat.

The driver stopped. Jane Deveraux slipped him a bill into his hand. She knew, she had payed him a lot more than she was supposed to pay for the ride. The face of the driver brightened up when Jane got out of the taxi saying „Keep the rest."

„Have a nice day, Miss!", he said when Jane nodded at him to say good-bye and closed the door. Then she went upstairs to the rear entrance of the court building.

_I don´t remember this building being in this way.´_, she thought when she stepped in. She had been here once, together with her father, but this was years ago.

The walls, the floors and the stairs were all made out of marble and the big columns were built in Dorian style. Different people were passing by: lawyers, judges, police officers. For a split second Jane felt herself to be at the wrong place. This was supposed to be a place of justice! But wasn´t _she_ here to dispence justice, too?

Jane turned round the corner and looked at a small window right next to her. Over the window she could read „Information". An elder man was sitting behind the window, looking friendly at Jane. She was confused for a split second and she didn´t move. The she stepped forward towards the window.

„Excuse me, Sir.", she said and greeted the man. „Please could you tell me where to find the hearing of the case „Victor Zsaz"?"

„Hmm..", the man responded, looking down to his flipchart lying in front of him. „.. let me see... oh, yes, here it is! Victor Zsaz! The hearing is taking place in room A 414."

He pointed with his finger to the big wooden door with small windows in it and Jane gazed over to the door. She could see a young man with dark hair, wearing glasses and a young woman coming through the door. He was holding a briefcase in his hand and the young woman was telling him something, but Jane couldn´t hear what she was saying.

Then Jane could hear the young man shouting „Mr. Finch!" to another man, when she turned around to the elder man again.

„You have to go through the door and then turn left at the end of the corridor. Then just a few meters more and you´ll get to room A 414."

„Thank you very much.", Jane responded politely, turned around and stepped forward heading to the door.

She gazed at the young man with the dark hair being a few meters away from her – und suddenly she felt uneasy when she noticed him approaching. Jane turned around heading to the stairs right next to her. She gripped the banisters, pretending to go upstairs. Jane turned around in a way to make sure the young man couldn´t look into her face when he passed by. She could see from the corner of her eye that the man didn´t payed attention to her at all – and this was good, because suddenly she knew who he was!

She looked after him, watching him turning right when he arrived at the end of the corridor – it was the opposite direction where she has come from. She could read „PARKING GARAGE" written in big golden letters on the wall. Jane was sure, the young man was on his way there now!

Jane looked over to the young woman, talking now to the other man who was standing next to her the entire time.

_The first contact!´_, Jane thought.

She knew, she had to get into contact to both of them. But first, she would start with the young man!

Jane turned around, walking along the corridor to follow the young man into the parking garage.


	4. Return from the dead

**Chapter 4 (Return from the dead)**

Jonathan Crane had pulled the car key out of his pocket and pressed the knob to unlock his car. He could hear a clicking tone an a loud „Beep", confirming that his Jaguar was now open. He had parked his car backward into the parking lot. Jonathan opened the door and placed his briefcase on the front-seat when he suddenly could hear a voice.

„Jonathan Crane?"

Jonathan gazed into the direction where the voice came from, still the door-handle in his hand. He could see a figure standing in the shadow a few meters away from him. Although the parking garage was well-iluminated he couldn´t see the figure´s face.

„Who wants to know this?", Jonathan Crane said and closed the door, then he stepped forward towards the dark figure, which was still standing at the same place as before. The person was still standing in the shadow and still, Jonathan couldn´t see the face.

„Let´s say, someone who would like to talk to you.", the figure said and Jonathan could hear, it was a woman speaking to him.

He felt uncomfortable and even angry. He was angry about the fact, talking to someone without being able to look into each other´s face.

„Listen, I don´t have time for playing stupid games.", Jonathan said with a hissing tone in his voice. „I don´t know who you are and what do you want. If you want to talk to me, make an appointment through my secretary. Good day."

Jonathan turned around and went back to his car again.

"A Kraut and a Freak?... stranger things have happened before this yet!", the woman said aloud.

Jonathan stopped and a shiver ran down his back. Slowly he turned around, his eyes widened.

„What..? What did you just say?", Jonathan whispered and he felt his voice trembling. He couldn´t believe, what he heard about a second ago! It was something he didn´t hear for so many years now. Something he heard only from one certain person!

The figure stepped forward, out of the shadow. The light fell into her face and now Jonathan could see who the woman was – and he couldn´t believe, who was standing right in front of him. It was Alexandra!

„Jonathan..", Alexandra said in a soft voice. „It´s me.. Alexandra.."

Jonathan shaked his head, unbelieving. He could feel his knees giving way, his eyes still widened and his mouth opened.

„This is impossible.. you.. you are.. you are dead!", Jonathan stuttered, his body trembling, his heart pounding wildely.

Alexandra sighed.

„Even I believed that for a while.", she said softly and gazed firmly into Jonathan´s eyes, but her voice was trembling. „But.. I´m back again. I came back, Jonathan. I´m alive and I came back."

Alexandra stepped forward and reached out her hand to touch Jonathan, but he shrinked back.

„No, you don´t exist!", Jonathan panted, still shaking his head. „Whoever you are, you´re not Alexandra. Alexandra Wentzler is dead!"

„Jonathan! We need to talk!", Alexandra said and she could hear her voice getting louder. „It´s really me, Jon. I´m alive and I came back. I am here, Jon! Please, I need to talk to you!"

Jonathan wanted to say something, but he was interrupted by a big noise. It was his beeper, clamped at the belt of his pants. Alexandra just watched Jonathan pressing the knob of his beeper with shaking hands. The beeping stopped.

„Jon..", Alexandra started softly but Jonathan interrupted her.

„I.. I have to go.", he stuttered, moving backwards to his car, almost stumbling over his own feet.

„Jonathan, wait!", Alexandra shouted and made a step forward. „Don´t go away now!"

But now Jonathan jumped to his car, he wrenched the door open, got into his car and started the motor in a hurry.

„Jonathan!", Alexandra yelled, just looking at him when he pushed gas pedal down to the bottom and rushed out of the parking garage with squealing wheels.

_Dammit!´, _Alexandra thought.

She had feared, Jonathan wouldn´t believe her but she didn´t expected at all he would react in this way.

„So, how would you have reacted then?", Alexandra said to herself.

_Stop, Alex! Now, use your brain!´_, she thought. _Think about, what you´ll doing next. Think about how and where you could find him!´_

But where to look for him? She didn´t have any idea what was Jonathan doing usually . But then she had an idea.

_Maybe there´s someone who knows where to find Jonathan.´_, Alexandra thought.

How was her name?... Dawn?..Dawes? Yes, this was it, Dawes!

Rita? Rita Dawes?... No, it wasn´t that name!

Regina Dawes? No! This wasn´t it either!

RACHEL! Rachel Dawes! Exactly, this was her name!

_Hurry up, Alex. maybe she´s still in this corridor.´_, Alexandra thought when she ran out of the parking garage, jumping upstairs to get there again where she has been before.


	5. Rachel Dawes

**Chapter 5 (Rachel Dawes)**

Yes, Alexandra was lucky!

Rachel Dawes was still in the corridor, talking to a colleague about the „Zsaz"-case. Now she was on her way to the parking garage when Alexandra entered the corridor.

„Excuse me.. Miss Dawes?.. Miss Rachel Dawes?", Alexandra asked politely, approaching.

Rachel stopped, looking surprised at the young woman blocking her way.

„Yes?", she asked. „I´m sorry.. but do we know each other from somewhere?"

„Yes, we do.", Alexandra responded, smiling lightely. „You have a younger sister, don´t you?... Larissa...Larissa Dawes?"

„Yes, that´s right. But how do you know...?"

„Larissa and my little brother Martin had been in kindergarten together, many many years ago... Martin, Martin Wentzler? Does this mean anything to you?"

„Ohhh!", Rachel shouted, sighing in relief. „Of course! Now I remember!.. You.. you are Alexandra, aren´t you?"

Rachel offered Alexandra her hand and she shooked it.

"Of course, the German family.", Rachel said. "I remember. There has been this war and.."

"Yeah, that´s right..", Alexandra interrupted her, pressing her lips together.

Rachel´s smile vanished from her face when she noticed Alexandra´s face darkening.

"I hope, your family is okay?", she asked, fainthearted.

Alexandra took a deep breath.

_Oh yes, my family is doing fine. Mom and Dad are dead and Martin lives in a nursing home_  
– _seriously handicapped, confined to a wheelchair, unable to walk or to speak, thank´s to a marksman named Jonathan, who hasn´t done his job properly! But apart from that, everything´s okay, thank you for asking!´_, she thought embittered.

"Sadly my family didn´t survive the war.", Alexandra said softly and she could hear her voice trembling.

Rachel´s face got pale.

"I´m sorry. I am so sorry.", she stuttered. "I didn´t want to be rude.."

"No, it´s okay. You couldn´t know. This just happened, I was away for a long time and I am in town again since yesterday."

"Ohh.. wait!", Rachel said, pulling something out of the pocket of her coat. It was a visiting card.

"Here you can reach me. If you need help to get along in town again.", Rachel said, passing the card to Alexandra. "A lot of things have changed in Gotham, Alexandra."

_Indeed, a lot of stuff is different now.´_, Alexandra thought, taking a short glance at the visiting card. _Ah, she is a D.A.? That´s good to know!´_

"Oh, thank you, Rachel.", she said and smiled lightely while putting the card into the breast-pocket of her coat. „I will take you up on your offer."

Rachel smiled. „You´re welcome."

"Well, see you soon.", Alexandra said, shaking Rachel´s hand.

"Yeah, see you soon.", Rachel responded, smiling lightely again when Alexandra turned around to walk to the main door of the court building.

"Oh, I almost forgot to ask you this.", Alexandra said, turning around to Rachel again.

"Yes?", she asked surprised, raising her eyebrows.

"The young man you´ve talked to...", Alexandra started, gazing at Rachel.

Rachel was confused.

_Does she mean Carl?´_, she thought. _Oh God, did she just observed us the entire time? Did she notice, how I kissed Carl on his cheek?´_

Alexandra realized Rachel´s expression on her face.

„I´m talking about this young man with the glasses.", Alexandra said and Rachel felt relieved but also uncomfortable at one time.

_Dr. Crane. This slippery, arrogant, corrupt Dr. Crane!´_, she thought.

"Oh..yes", Rachel puffed and Alexandra could see her eyes blazed with anger. "Dr. Crane.."

_DOCTOR Crane?´_, Alexandra thought surprised Very_ interesting to know!´_

It was also good to know that Rachel didn´t seem to like him very much.

"Well, we have been together at High School.", Alexandra explained. "Sadly I didn´t have a chance to talk to him until now. I just wondered if you know where I could find him?"

_How good you can lie without blushing, Alexandra!´_, she thought.

"Oh!", Rachel said. "Well I think, you should find him at Arkham Asylum, located in the Narrows. He´s working there."

_Jonathan? A doctor? And he´s working in a nuthouse?´_, Alexandra thought. _Indeed, I was away a real long time!´_.

Arkham already existed when she was still living in Gotham with her family. And everybody knew it was a nuthouse.

"Oh, thank you for telling me, Rachel.", Alexandra said and smiled lightely. "You helped me a lot."

"You´re welcome.", Rachel responded, stealing a glance over Alexandra´s shoulder to the other side of the corridor, where her boss, Carl Finch, was waiting for her.

Then, Alexandra and Rachel said good-bye to each other.

_Good, Rachel didn´t asked, what I´m doing here at all.´_, Alexandra thought and walked through the main door of the court building.

She went downstairs and walked over to the line of public phones located right next to the court building. She pulled a coin out of her pocket, took the reciever, threw the coin in and dialed a number - the number she was told to dial as soon as she had made first contact. She first could hear the call-signal, then a clicking noise.

„Hello?", a dark male voice said.

„It´s me. I got into first contact."

„Deveraux?"

„Yes."

„Come to Arlington Road, right at the corner to Mercer Street, tonight, 10 p.m."

„Okay."

Alexandra could hear a click´ again before she hung up the phone.

She gazed to the court building for a split second before crossing the street.


	6. Breakdown

**Chapter 6 (Breakdown)**

Jonathan was driving to his apartment as fast as he could. He drove into the building´s garage with squealing wheels, without breaking in time. His Jaguar hit the side-wall and the outside mirror and the car´s fender got damaged.

Jonathan got out of his car and ran over to the elevator, without taking his briefcase with him nor locking up his car. This time, he didn´t used the elevator as he usually did, instead of this he ran upstairs into the 10th floor of the building, up to the penthouse, his apartment.

He was now standing in front of the main door of his apartment, out of breath, pulling the keys out of his pocket. With shaking hands Jonathan opened the door of his apartment, jumped in and slammed the door behind him.

It was early afternoon already and the sun was shining bright through the big windows into the living room. She sunlight flooded the room, but Jonathan didn´t want to see it. He pressed himself with his back against the apartment´s door, his eyes closed. His lungs were burning, he was sweating and his whole body was trembling. He could feel his eyes filling up with tears. Jonathan leaned at the door for a few seconds, then he ran over into the bedroom. On his way he took off his suit jacket, his tie and his sweater and let them fall on the floor without paying attention to them anymore.

_+ „Jonathan" +  
_

Jonathan ripped his t-shirt off his body then he took off his shoes in a hurry.

_+ „Jonathan" +  
_

Jonathan unbuckled the belt of his pants, taking them off.

„What have you done, Scarecrow!", he shouted when he started to open the drawers of the big bureau, rummaging through them. „What have you done to me!"

And he could hear Scarecrow saying _ „Jonathan, Jonathan" _over and over again, when his hands were harshly rummaging through the drawers, tearing them out of their anchoring and letting them fall on the floor after still not having found what Jonathan was looking for.

Jonathan opened one more drawer of his bureau – and then he found it! It was the necklace! It was Alexandra´s necklace! Jonathan gripped it with shaking hands, holding it so firmly that his knuckles colored white.

He was still trembling when he ran over into the bathroom. He flipped the light on and turned on the water of the shower. Tears were running down Jonathan´s face and he wasn´t able to calm down.

_+ „Jonathan" + _

Jonathan teared up the faucet of his wash basin, placed the necklace aside and splashed his face with water. He could feel the ice cold water on his hot skin and a shiver ran down his back. Because of the hot water coming out of the shower the bathroom fogged and it was warm inside the room but Jonathan, standing in front of the wash basin only in his shorts, was shaking of cold.

He gazed into the mirror, his tears still running down his face.

„What have you done, Scarecrow? What have you done!", Jonathan shouted, almost yelling now.

_ „Jonathan" _, he could say Scarecrow over and over again.

„Why did you tell me that she´s dead! Why have you done this!", Jonathan yelled and gripped the necklace, again so firmly that it hurt him.

The water in the wash basin and in the shower kept on running, when Jonathan pressed himself with his back against the cold, tiled wall of the bathroom, still trembling, crying bitterly.

And he could hear Scarecrow saying _+ "Jonathan" + "Jonathan" + _ over and over again when his knees gave way and he slided down to the floor along the wall. He drew up his legs close to his body, his arms clasping round his legs, the necklace still in his hand, still holding it so firmly that blood now started to run out of his fist.

Jonathan could hear the monotonous rushing and splashing noise of the water in the background, when he was rocking back and forth in fast movements, his head hitting the wall over and over again, still crying, his gaze fixed and cold.


	7. The Order

**Chapter 7 (The Order)**

It was almost 10 p.m. when Jane Deveraux arrived at Arlington Road crossing to Mercer Street.

Mercer Street was just a few steps away from Gotham River and Jane could see some tramps preparing their night´s lodging under the pier of Gotham Bridge, just a few meters away from her.

It was dark due to the bad street lightning. It had rained on the early evening and because of the damaged road surface of Mercer Street the water gathered into big puddles. Jane could hear the rustling noise in a corner being stuffed with garbage and she knew, this noise could have be caused only by rats.

Alexandra hated the slums.

After the war in Germany she didn´t know anything else but penury, dirt, crime, drug abuse, even jail over so many years. She had hated herself. She had hated herself for what happened, she hated herself to allow to get hurt so much, to allow to have lost Jonathan. She had blamed herself for being raped. She had blamed herself for losing her child, her and Jonathan´s child.

At the beginning, she wanted to die. She just didn´t want to live anymore. And she did everything possible to destroy herself and for a while she didn´t care about what was happening to her...

Jane was torn out of her thoughts when she heard the big steel door next to her was opened with a big squeal. A bald headed man stepped out, looking at her.

„Deveraux?", he asked and Jane recognized his voice. It was the same voice she had heard on the phone this morning.

„Yes.", she answered.

The man opened the door a little bit more, Jane and the man stepped it and the he closed the door again.

They both walked through a small corridor, getting into a hall. Jane could now see that is was a warehouse. The hall was empty besides of a big table standing right in the middle. Another man was standing behind the table, looking to his colleague and Jane. Jane knew the man.

„Deveraux!", the man greeted her. „We were waiting for you already."

Jane stepped forward into the light, looking around. She and the two men were the only ones in here.

„What is the job about, Ray?", she asked, looking at the guy right in front of her.

Without saying anything, Ray gripped the folder lying in front of him, holding it up.

„See for yourself.", he said, placing the folder on the table again, right in front of Jane.

Jane gripped the folder and opened it. She found two photos in it.

The first one was showing a man she already knew.

„Dr. Jonathan Crane! This morning, at the court. This was your first contact!", Ray said.

„Yeah...", Alexandra said in a soft voice and for a split second she had that scene with Jonathan in the parking garage in her mind again.

Jane took a look to the other picture. The man on it was unfamiliar to her.

„Carmine Falcone!", Jane could hear Ray saying.

She gazed into his eyes.

„What am I supposed to do?", she asked.

„First, get into contact with Falcone."

„How?"

„Falcone is doing certain things for us...you´re kinda business gift´ for him, like from one colleague to the other."

Jane gazed again into the man´s eyes.

„What does it mean?", she asked, hearing a hissing undertone in her voice.

Ray propped his fists on the table and bended forward, his knuckles whitening.

„Do for Falcone what you usually do, do what you know the best to do. He knows we´re sending you to him and he´s awaiting your arrival. We have promised him – something special.", Ray said with a big smirk.

„Does our boss know all about it?"

„Yes, he does."

„Is he here?"

„No. But he´ll get into contact with you very soon."

Jane took a deep breath.

„But that´s not everything, is it?", she said. „I am not supposed just to kill people for Falcone, right?"

„No.", Ray said. „You´re supposed to observe Falcone. Observe him, watch what he´s doing. Same thing for Crane. Just observe. Make sure, they both are working just to our liking. And you should inform us until the boss says something else."

Jane closed her eyes for a moment, sighing lightely then she gazed at Ray again.

„Do you have my stuff?"

Ray grinned.

„Of course!", he said then he gripped a briefcase and placed it on the table right in front of Jane.

Jane opened it and found her „working tools": two 9 millimeter-semiautomatic guns in a holster, two replacement magazines, a Bowie knife, a ski-mask and a wristlet bristling with acupuncture needles.

Ray watched Jane taking her coat off to put on the holster. She put the knife into her waistband behind her back.

„What is this about the needles?", Ray asked while she put on the wristlet with the acupuncture needles in it.

Jane looked up.

„This is for the case when everything else doesn´t work any more.", she said in a dry voice.

Ray placed a piece of paper and an envelope on the table while Jane put on her coat again.

„Drive to this place.", he said, pointing to the address written on the piece of paper. „Falcone is there." Then he placed a bunch of keys on the table.

„The keys are for your motorbike.", Ray said, nodding to his colleague. „Joe over there will show you where to find it."

Jane grabbed the stuff and placed it into the pockets of her coat, then she nodded Ray good-bye and followed Joe out of the warehouse into a small narrow lane.

„Over there.", he said, nodding to the motorbike, hided in the corner and barely to be seen because of the bad street lightening.

Jane stepped forward and turned around to Joe again. But he was gone. She pulled the envelope out of her coat pocket and opened it. In the envelope there was again a bunch of keys, another piece of paper and a hand written message. She pulled out the message, trying to read it under the flickering light of the street-lamp. She recognized the handwriting.

„The keys to your new home... be careful.. H."

Jane took a deep breath and placed the envelope and the message into her coat again, then she walked over to the motorbike. She mounted it and started the motor.

Alexandra took a deep breath again before she drove out of the narrow lane, out into the dark night.


	8. Carmine Falcone

**Chapter 8 (Carmine Falcone)**

Jonathan´s apartment was fogged because of the hot water. The windows in his bedroom were all steamed up because Jonathan has left the bathroom door open the entire time.

He didn´t know how long he crouched at the wall in the bathroom, until a phone call tore him out of his lethargy. He got up and had turned off the water before he stumbled into the bedroom, coughing to pick up the phone.

His secretary Mrs. Nichols had called him up to inquire after his condition. Arkham had tried to contact him several times over the afternoon, over his beeper as well as over his phone at home, but Dr. Crane didn´t report back.

„I´m sorry.", he had said to Mrs. Nichols. „I didn´t feel well. I fell asleep at home and didn´t hear the phone. Please call up Dr. Stone, my substitution. I won´t come to Arkham anymore today."

„Alright.", Mrs. Nichols had responded. „Get well, Dr. Crane. See you tomorrow."

Jonathan had hung up the phone and lay down on his bed, still holding Alexandra´s necklace in his hand.

He had fallen into a fitful sleep when the ringing phone tore him out again. Jonathan realizied that it was dark already and 11 o´ clock in the evening.

„Crane.", Jonathan answered the phone, still sleepy, rubbing his eyes.

„Dr. Crane!", he could hear a male voice on the other end of the line and he recognized this voice. It was the voice of Carmine Falcone! „Were you asleep already? Or did I interrupted you in a special session?" Jonathan could hear Falcone laughing.

„Mr. Falcone! It´s 11 p.m. There are people who got to work early in the morning!", Jonathan hissed into the phone. „And I also have told you once not to call me up at home."

„Ohhh!", Falcone said and giggled. „I´m sorry, Doc, I wasn´t aware of that anymore."

„What do you want?"

„Oh, you don´t remember? You just wanted to talk to _me_!"

Indeed, Jonathan didn´t remember anymore. He was realizing that he didn´t remember anything that happened after his encounter with Alexandra and his drive home. I other words, he had a complete blackout.

„Not on the phone, Mr. Falcone.", he finally said. „We should talk about this in personal."

„Agreed.", he could hear Falcone saying. „Tomorrow evening. You know where to find me."

„Alright.", Jonathan said in a dry voice, looking down to his hand, still holding Alexandra´s necklace in it.

By the way... Dr. Crane?", Falcone giggled into the phone. „Have a nice evening. Just like me as I´ll have a lady-visitor right now."

Carmine Falcone hung up the phone even before Jonathan Crane could say anything. He leaned back into his chair when his office door was opened and one of his „employees" and a second person in a black coat stepped into the room. The second person was shorter and more delicate then his employee. He realzied that the person was wearing a ski-mask.

„Ahh!", Falcone said and his face brightened up. „So, you must be Jane Deveraux."

„I am.", she said.

Carmine Falcone pointed with his finger at the ski-mask.

„What is this about?"

„That´s the deal.", Jane said. „Two conditions: first, I´m working incognito, second: I come in and go out as I want and as I have to. You already know, who am I working for."

This big guy standing next to Jane turned around, on the way to step forward towards her..

„Don´t even think of touching me.", she hissed over and gazed at him. The man paused.

„Leave her alone, Sean. It´s okay.", Falcone said. „Now.. leave me alone with Ms. Deveraux."

Sean nodded and left the office.

Carmine Falcone gazed at Jane, leaning back again into his chair with a big smirk on his face.

„Soo.. . my litte business gift. I think, first we should get to know each other a bit more.", Falcone said while bending forward and Jane could see the greedy gaze in his eyes. „By the way, I never had a woman wearing a ski-mask before."

Jane propped her fists on the table, her knuckles whitening. She bended forward, gazing firmly into Falcone´s eyes.

„You would be dead before you would even have the chance to pull him out.", she hissed. „I recommend you to keep aloof if you want to stay alive."

Falcone´s grin disappeared. For a few seconds they both just looked at each others eyes. Then, Falcone bursted out laughing.

„A woman who knows what she wants. This is great!", he laughed, leaning back into his chair again while Jane straightened slowly. „I like that!"

Jane took a deep breath. She didn´t know what Falcone was talking about, she even didn´t care.

„I think I have the right thing for you now!", he giggled and pressed a knob on the small video monitor standing on his desk.

Jane bended forward to take a glance at the monitor. She could see a man, obviously locked up in a room. He seemed to be very nervous and walked up and down like a trapped animal.

„Ramón Alvarez.", Falcone said before Jane could say anything.

Jane looked at him.

„He has raped a woman.", Falcone explained. „To be more precise: that woman was my little sister."

Alexandra could feel a stitch in her heart.

„I want you to kill him. Right now!", Falcone hissed. „And I want you to make him suffer!"

_Why me!´_. Jane shook her head. „This is not my method of working. I usually observe my cases for a while before completing my job.", she said in a dry voice but she could hear her voice trembling.

„Take it as an... application, my little business gift.", Falcone said.

Jane didn´t respond.

„I want you to kill Ramón and I want you to make him suffer.", Falcone hissed when Sean stepped into the office again. „And I want you to bring me his heart after killing him."

For a split second it was quiet in the room.

Jane closed her eyes, breathing deeply. _Please Lord, forgive me what I´ll do now.´_

„Alright.", she finally said, opening her eyes again.

„Sean will take you down.", Falcone said in a dry voice. „I´ll stay here watching the show. They told me you´re something sprecial. I´m very curious."

Jane could see an evil grin on Carmine Falcone´s face when Sean opened the office door and guided Jane downstairs – down into the cellar, down to Ramón Alvarez.


	9. Revenge!

**Chapter 9 (Revenge!)**

Ramón Alvarez turned around when he heard the door of his room being opened.

He was locked up here after been beaten up by two tall beefy guys. Ramón still had the taste of blood in his mouth. But Falcone´s thughs didn´t want to kill him.

_If they would have liked to kill me, they would have done it already.´_, Ramón thought.

Nevertheless he was surprised when he didn´t see the two familiar guys passing through the door. It was a small, slight figure, wearing a black coat. Ramón realized her wearing a ski-mask over her face. The person closed the door and turned around to him.

„What is this about?", Ramón shouted aloud. „Where is Falcone?"

But the person didn´t respond. She gazed into the video camera, hanging down from the ceiling. Then she gazed at Ramón and he realized the hatred in her eyes.

„You made a mistake, Ramón.", Jane said and now he realized that the masked person was female.

„You really made a big mistake."

Ramón puffed. He was at least two heads taller than this woman standing in front of him.

„Who are you, bitch?", he shouted, laughing aloud. „Do you really think you could scare me?"

_I will teach you what does it mean to be scared!´_, Jane thought when she stepped forward quickly and punched him into his face.

She did it so quickly, that Ramón even didn´t have time to react. He stumbled backwards, hitting the wall behind him. He could feel his bleeding nose and he touched his face while Jane turned around placidly, taking off her coat and said „You tangled with the wrong people, Ramón."

Ramón realised her wearing a holster with two guns, but he also noticed the knife in her waistband. Ramón dumped forward and he managed to grip the knife. He now was holding it in his hand, waving it around in front of Jane, laughing.

„Well, you little bitch!", he laughed. „Now let´s see if you still have anything to say!"

Again, Jane turned around placidly, just as if nothing had happened and Ramón could see the hatred in her eyes again.

„Give it a try.", he could hear her whispering when Ramón attacked her with the knife.

Jane blocked his attack and punched him into the face several times. Left, right, left, right ...

She flipped Ramón around and he hit the wall again, still holding the knife in his hands.

The figure walked up and down in front of him, her gaze fixed and cold.

- Suddenly Alexandra could see all pictures in front of her inner eye again, pictures she had pushed away for such a long time. Those three men who had pursued her, who had forced her into the narrow lane. -

She could feel her breath getting faster when Ramón attacked her again.

- Two men pinned down her wrists while the third man ripped her dress off her body. She screamed and whined when the man entered her, laughing. -

She blocked his attack again and she started to punch him.

- One of the men pressed his hand on Alexandra´s mouth. She closed her eyes and tears were running down her face, while the man thrusted harder and harder. She could hear their laughter in her ears. _My baby! Oh God, nooo! My baby!´_ -

Thinking on every thrust, Alexandra punched him harder and harder, over and over again. Blood spouted out of Ramón´s mouth, when her fist hit his chin, she punched him over and over again. She rammed her knee into his stomach, into his genitals, she punched him on his eye, on his head.

- She could hear the man moaning when he came inside her. -

Ramón screamed when he could feel a racking pain on his face and on his arm. He looked at his arm and noticed three big deep scratch-wounds in it. Then he gazed at Jane, who was lurking in front of him, having her hands formed like tiger-claws and he could see his own blood on her fingertips.

„I will teach you what does it mean to be scared!", Ramón could hear the woman hissing. „You will pay for what you have done to me...!"

- Then the men alternated with each other. They still pressed their hands on Alexandra´s mouth and she begged for her baby´s life, when the second man entered her. She could feel every thrust of the man ripping her up from the inside. -

Ramón clinched the knife and attacked Jane again, screaming aloud. Jane clutched Ramón´s arm applying a lever in a way, that Ramón had to let go the knife. He screamed when Jane twisted his arm and he could hear the cracking sound of his elbow-joint.

- The men alternated with each other again. Alexandra screamed and whined, begging again for her baby´s life and the men were laughing when the third man punched her into her face, over and over again. -

Ramón couldn´t defend himself anymore, when Jane started to kick him several times.

- The man slaped her while thrusting her. -

Alexandra kicked him.

- The man slaped her again. -

Alexandra kicked him again.

She kicked him over and over again. She clutched Ramón´s injured arm, flipping him around. She jumped into the air, almost flying when she pulled a needle out of her wristlet. She jumped over Ramón´s head, placing the needle directly into his neck while screaming aloud. She had learned over the last years that acupuncture couldn´t be only used to help someone but also to hurt someone, even to kill someone when you knew where you had to place the needles on.

Alexandra walked round Ramón, placidly watching his widened eyes. He wanted to move but he couldn´t. He couldn´t do anything but to watch his body, cramping like having a spastic attack. He wanted to speak, but just a scratchy noise came out of his mouth.

„Central nervous system.", he could hear the woman saying when she kicked him at his legs and he fell on the floor.

He tried to move again, but he couldn´t. Being in panic, Ramón´s eyes followed the woman picking up the knife and then bending over him.

„You will never ever do this to a woman again. Never!", she screamed.

- The third man pulled out a knife and Alexandra could feel a racking pain when the blade cut her deeply into her shoulder, into her flesh.-

Again, Ramón uttered a noise when the blade tore his t-shirt.

„You will never ever do anything to me again!", she yelled while rising the knife.

- _Nooo! My baby! Jonathan!´_ -

Jane could hear the cracking sound of the rips and the sternum when she rammed the Bowie-knife deeply into Ramón´s body and the long blade making its way through his chest. Ramón ratteled into his throat and blood flew out of his mouth when Jane opened his thorax and severed his heart from his body with a deep cut.

Jane straigthened, holding the pounding heart in her hand while Ramón Alvarez died in front of her eyes.

For a second, Jane was just standing there. She could feel the warm heart in her hand, the blood running down her arm, the adrenaline pounding through her veines. She did her job and she did it well!

_One rapist less on this world!´_, she thought.

She had done her part to make Gotham safer. Sie had shown, how good she was in her job and Jane knew, that Falcone now wouldn´t distrust her anymore – but the price for it was, that she has sold her soul and in this moment she realized that she wasn´t not a bit better than the man she had killed just a minute ago.

Alexandra could feel herself trembling, when she gripped the dead man´s t-shirt with her other hand and put the heart inside. She could hear the door being opened and Falcone and Sean stepped in.

Jane rose up, holding the knife in her hand she had cleaned up on Ramón´s pants.

_Shouldn´t I just raise the knife and kill them both?´_, she thought. _I´m lost anyway. I´ll burn in hell for what I´ve done. So, would two more criminals make any difference any more?´_

„You haven´t disappointed me, my little business present.", Falcone said with a big smirk on his face. „You haven´t promised too much!"

Jane took a deep breath.

„Mr. Falcone, I´d like to go now.", she said and she could hear her voice trembling.

Falcone nodded.

„Well.. sure..", he said. „But be here again tomorrow evening. There´s someone I want to introduce you."

Then he grinned again. Jane nodded.

„I will be here...", she whispered and stepped out of the room, following Sean who guided her to the rear entrance of the building.

It had started to rain.

For a moment Alexandra just stood there, when Sean closed the rear door again. Her hands and arms stained with blood got wet and the blood started to run down. Alexandra hided the knife and put on her coat. She could feel herself trembling. The trembling got stronger and Alexandra was gasping for air. She could feel all her thoughts and feelings rising up inside her and she was seized with panic.

She wanted to get away! She just wanted to get out of this place!

Alexandra started to run, trying to run faster and faster.

_Jonathan!´_, flashed through her mind. _Oh, my God, Jonathan!´_

Alexandra arrived at a public phone at the corner and she stopped.

The rain got worse and within seconds Alexandra was wet to the skin, the water running down her hair and her neck. Her hands were shaking when she took the receiver and dialed the number of Arkham Asylum. She could hear the call-signal and she had to fight her tears when she heard a clicking noise.

„This is the office of Dr. Jonathan Crane, Director of Arkham Asylum.", Alexandra could hear a female voice saying.

It was an answering machine! Alexandra closed her eyes, feeling the pouring rain on her face. She pressed her lips not to sob aloud.

„Please leave your message after the tone, thank you very much."

Then she could hear a loud beep.

„Hello!", Alexandra shouted into the phone, her voice trembling. „Jonathan!.. This is Alexandra! Please, we need to talk, Jon!" Alexandra tried to repress her sobbing as much as possible.

„Jonathan?", she shouted even louder into the phone when she realized the rain getting heavier.

Then Alexandra hung up the phone and now she couldn´t hold her tears back any more.

She clutched the reciever and cried bitterly.


	10. The Message

**Chapter 10 (The message)**

Dr. Jonathan Crane had passed a restless night.

After his phone call with Carmine Falcone he had gotten up to drink something. He had been very tired and he had felt the need of sleep. He felt as if he hadn´t slept for days.

Jonathan knew, he had suffered a nervous breakdown and because of his medical knowledge, he knew that physical exhaustion was often a after-effect of it.

Normally it wouldn´t have been necessary in his case but Jonathan decided to take a sedative this night to allow himself to rest and to sleep until the next day without dreaming, if this was possible at all.

His substitution Dr. Stone would take care of his patients today, too, so Jonathan could do the office work he still needed to do.

He had fallen asleep again, but he didn´t had the dreamless night he was hoping for.

He remembered blurred thoughts and pictures. He had dreamt of his mother, of his father – his real father. He had dreamt of Alexandra, of blood, of screams. He had dreamt of a baby, of a knife, he had dreamt of a throbbing heart.

But all these pictures and thoughts had been very blurry and receded into a dim distance when Jonathan got up and walked into the bathroom.

"Good morning, Mrs. Nichols.", Dr. Jonathan Crane said while leaning against the doorway of her office.

Mrs. Nichols was typing something over her computer and gazed up when she could hear the dark voice of her boss.

"Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane!", she said and smiled lightely.

She stealed a glance at the big clock, hanging over the doorway. It was 11:30 a.m.

_He never arrived that late.´_, flashed through Mrs.Nichols´mind.

"Do you feel better, Dr. Crane?", she asked to break up the arkward silence.

"Oh yes I do, thank you for asking.", Jonathan responded. "I think, I just needed to sleep."

Indeed, he was a very busy man.

Usually he was always one of the first ones coming to Arkham in the morning and he also was one the last ones leaving in the evening. Usually he slept about 6 hours at night, but last night he slept almost 10 hours. Jonathan wasn´t aware, how much his body obviously needed that rest. Or was it all because of Alexandra?

Dr. Crane was torn out of his thoughts when Mrs. Nichols passed him several pieces of paper.

„There you have all phone calls from yesterday and today in the morning, doctor", she explained while Dr. Crane´s gaze wandered over the pieces of paper.

_Hm, nothing really important.´_, Jonathan thought, sighing lightely, then he said good-bye to Mrs. Nichols and stepped into his office.

He placed his briefcase on his desk while pressing the flashing knob of his phone to listen to the answering machine.

„You have received 5 new messages.", he could hear the female voice of his answering machine. „First new message, receives on Monday, 14th of. September, 2:45 p.m..."

Jonathan stood next to his window, gazing out lost in his thoughts. He didn´t really listened when one new message after the other was played.

_Patient appointments, colleague requests, blah blah blah´_, Jonathan thought while he gazed out of the window.

„Fifth new message.. received today at 02:34 a.m..."

„Hello! Jonathan!.. This is Alexandra!"

Jonathan gasped and he flipped around, staring at the phone, unbelieving.

„Please, we need to talk, Jon! Jonathan?"

Then he could hear a clickling noise.

„End of new messages."

Jonathan dumped forward to the phone, pressing the knobs wildely to listen to the message again. He didn´t use the answering machine that much and he cursed when he didn´t find the proper knob at once. Jonathan could feel his knees giving way and he fell into his chair. His hands trembled and tears were filling his eyes when he listened to Alexandra´s message over and over again.

„She is alive! My God, she is alive!",Jonathan shouted and he felt himself smiling in relief. But then he could feel the rage coming up inside him.

„Scarecrow, you damn bastard! Why did you let me go on believing that Alexandra is dead!", he screamed and punched the table-top.

_ „What difference would have this made? Do you really think she would still like to see you if she would know, what you have done to her family?"_

„You had blamed me for her death! But you only wanted me to become a murderer! You have used me, Scarecrow! You lied to me and you betrayed me the entire time!", Jonathan shouted and jumped out off his chair.

_ "That´s not true! You didn´t want to accept that Alexandra had abandoned you. This is why you wanted to take revenge! I never abandoned you, I was always there for you. I have shown you all what you have today, what you are today. I am you, Jonathan! And you are mine!"_

„Never!", Jonathan yelled, then he gripped the Chinese Ming vase standing on the window-still and threw it over his desk. The vase hit the wall and broke with a big noise.

„I will never be yours! And I won´t allow you to seperate me and Alexandra ever again!", he screamed, then he gripped his briefcase, dumped forward to the door and left his office.

Mrs. Nichols could hear Jonathan Crane screaming and she was on her way to his office when he approached.

„Dr. Crane, is everything...?", she started.

„Mrs. Nichols, cancel everything for today, whatever it is!", he said aloud, passing by in a hurry.

Mrs. Nichols gazed after him when the doctor left the room without a word.

Jonathan realized, Alexandra didn´t said anything but he knew where to find her.


	11. The Ruins

**Chapter 11 (The Ruins)**

Alexandra had driven to her „new home" with her motorbike after calling Jonathan and had fallen asleep.

After a few restless hours, dreaming of Jonathan she got up, took a shower and put fresh clothes on her „colleagues" had deposited for her in the apartment.

After Alexandra had checked her apartment to find the right place to hide her weapons there, she decided to return to the place of her former life.

First she had driven over to her parent´s house – there, where she had kissed Jonathan for the last time. There, where she had given him her necklace. There, where they could embrace each other for the last time, before she was torn from his life.

The house was still there. It was still habitable. Alexandra could her a noise made by children. The house was used as a day-nursery now.

Alexandra had parked her motorbike nearby the forest and had continued her way by walking. She crossed the small footbridge and passed by the small glade, too.

_12 years! And it seems to me that it all would have happened yesterday.´_, Alexandra thought.

She didn´t turn into the small path leading to the cabin. Alexandra kept on going straight ahaed. She wanted to walk to the roofed bench. Sie wanted to remember everything once again – herself, she wanted to remember Jonathan, she wanted to remember their love for each other, their sorrow.

Alexandra could feel a stitch in her heart, when she looked at the roofed bench. It was weather-beaten, rotten, decayed. The beams were still standing, but the roof had broken down and the wood got brittled and fragile. Her fingertips touched the beams and moved gently over the brittled wood.

Alexandra could see Jonathan in front of her again, wet of the rain, his face close to hers. She could still feel his hot breath, she felt his lips, his kisses, his touches. Alexandra could feel a tear running down her face.

_Why? Jonathan? Why?´_, she thought, wiping the tear out of her face.

Hanging her head, Alexandra walked back over the small way of the forest, the way both had taken to the cabin, when the weather got worse.

Did she really wanted to do this to herself? Did she really wanted to remember all, that hurted her so much?

_I keep on going just one moment more, even if I think, I can´t stand it any more.´_, she thought. _Then I know I´m able to suffer everything. To suffer everything, what was and to suffer everything, what will be.´_.

Alexandra turned into the small path heading to the cabin. When she arrived there, she could feel her heart getting heavy. The cabin was a ruine now. Obviously it had been a fire inside once because besides of two walls the cabin was burned down almost completely. Alexandra stepped into the cabin through its former door. Chared wood was lying everywhere, even the floor was partially burned down and the still extisting walls were sooty.

_Not even this remained to us. Not even this...´_, Alexandra thought and sighed heavily.

Alexandra had spread out her coat on the floor of the cabin. She had taken a seat and had stared into the tree-tops over the former roof for a long time.

Then she got up to have a look at that, was have been remained of the cabin. Her hands moved over the splintered and partially chared wood. She walked over to the place where the storage room had been, where she had changed her clothes. She could remember it as if it has been yesterday. Alexandra walked over to the place where the kitchen of the cabin had been. In her thoughts she could see Jonathan standing next to the oven, preparing the tea. She could see his naked body, his skin gleaming in the light of the oil lamp. Oh, she could remember it all so well!

Softly, even lovingly Alexandra´s fingers moved over the partially rusty oven. She looked next to herself. Here they have had their rest for the night. Here, Jonathan and Alexandra made love for the first time. Here, Jonathan had lost his virginity to her. Here, Alexandra concieved his child. The child, she should never have.

Alexandra could feel a stitching pain in her heart, then she stepped forward and crouched down. slowly. Her fingers touched the dusty and muddy ground.

She could see the night, the night they spent together. She could see Jonathan, so beautiful, so soft, not knowing what to do. She could see herself guiding him, after he had entered her. She could see themselves moving together. Alexandra could feel the passion, the desire.

After all these years she could still feel Jonathan inside of her, she could still smell him, taste his skin, she could still hear his moans. She still felt his hot breath on her skin, she still felt his movements, his touches. She could still taste his salty tears on her lips.

Alexandra closed her eyes. It was long ago. It was another time. It was in another life.

_I have to start a new life.´_, Alexandra thought.

After seeing each other at the court yesterday morning and after her message last night it was now clear to Alexandra, it has to be a new life without Jonathan. In spite of her feelings for him, she knew, why she had come back. She knew what she had wanted to do and what she had had to do.

Suddenly Alexandra could hear a cracking noise and opened her eyes. She gazed around, but she couldn´t see anything. It had sounded like a cracking twig or branch. But now she couldn´t hear anything but the wind blowing through the tree-tops and the fallen leaves of the approaching fall.

_Maybe it was just my imagination.´_, she thought, but then she could hear the cracking noise again.

Again, Alexandra gazed around but first she couldn´t see anything. Then, she could hear another noise coming from the direction where the door of the cabin was.

She turned around- and then she saw him.


	12. Phoenix from the ashes

**Chapter 12 (Phoenix from the ashes)**

It was Jonathan!

Alexandra gasped. She noticed, that in comparisom to yesterday morning he wasn´t wearing his glasses anymore. Alexandra wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn´t. She wanted to raise up, but her legs were as heavy as lead.

Jonathan gazed at Alexandra without saying anything. She knew this gaze. She had noticed this gaze once before. She noticed it – in the night they´ve spent together. It wasn´t a gaze of anger of sadness. It was a gaze of endless longing, it was a gaze of desire.

Alexandra could feel her heart throbbing fast. Jonathan opened his lips, as if he wanted to say anything, but he didn´t. He stepped into the cabin and Alexandra managed it to rise up finally. She could hear Jonathan panting lightly.

Alexandra was unable to move, when Jonathan walked towards her in fast steps. Then he grabbed her forcefully and started to kiss her wildely. Alexandra let it happen and placed her arms around Jonathan´s hips.

„Where have you been all the time?", Jonathan whispered, when he gripped Alexandra´s hair and pulled her head back. Wildely, he kissed her cheek, her throat and her neck.

„Oh Jonathan.. please don´t..", Alexandra whispered panting and closed her eyes.

„Where have you been? Where have you been?", Jonathan whispered over and over again between his kisses. On her throat, on her neck, on her breast still covered with cloth, on her cheek, on her mouth. His tongue entered her deeply, demanding, demanding more. Alexandra moaned soflty and returned his kisses.

„Where have you been?", Jonathan whispered again and his embrace got firmer. His hand still gripped Alexandra´s hair and he pulled her head back over and over again, when he kissed her throat wildely.

„Jonathan..", Alexandra whispered, but he placed his hand on her mouth.

He rubbed over her lips and smeared her lipstick. He pressed his thumb into Alexandra´s mouth. She closed it with her lips for a short moment and started to suck it. He moved his hand over Alexandra´s face and started to kiss her, again wildely and passionate. Alexandra panted.

_What is Jonathan doing here to me?´_, flashed into her mind, but she wasn´t able to protest. She even wasn´t sure, if she wanted to do this at all.

Without saying anything, Jonathan gazed into Alexandra´s eyes. Their lips brushed and Alexandra could feel Jonathan´s hot breath on her skin. Both were panting now and Alexandra felt herself trembling. She allowed Jonathan to push her softly into the direction of her coat, still lying on the floor. Jonathan helped Alexandra to lie down on the coat. Alexandra opened her tights to allow Jonathan kneel down between them. Again, he kissed her wildely and passionate.

„Where have you been? Where have you been?", Jonathan whispered, kissing her over and over again.

„Oh Jon.. Jonathan, I..", Alexandra panted, but again Jonathan placed his hand onto her mouth, gazing into her eyes.

He drew himself up, taking off his suit jacket quickly. He let it fall on the floor besides him, then he bowed down to Alexandra and started to kiss her again. Then he drew himself up again, unbuttoning Alexandra´s blouse with shaking hands. Her hands, lying on his hips, moved forward to Jonathan´s belt and started to unbuckle it.

„Where have you been?", Jonathan whispered again and bowed down to kiss Alexandra again, wildely and passionate.

In the meantime Alexandra had buckled up Jonathan´s belt and started to unbutton his pants. Again, Jonathan drew himself up to take off his sweater, he literally ripped it off his body. Panting, he started to kiss Alexandra again. His hands opened Alexandra´s pants and unzipped it. Then Jonathan drew himself up, pulling down Alexandra´s pants as much as he could. Then he grabbed Alexandra´s slip and ripped it off her body. The slip rend into pieces with a loud noise and Alexandra gasped. Then she could see Jonathan unzipping his pants and pulling them down, only as much until his manhood was uncovered, stretching against Alexandra, hardened and trembling.

„Where have you been?", Jonathan whispered when he widened Alexandra´s drawned up thights and put his head between them.

Alexandra groaned aloud and closed her eyes. Her hands gripped Jonathan´s hair when he started to kiss and lick the center of her lust. She stretched her private parts against him, so that his tongue could enter her deeper. She was so wet. Yes, she wanted him so much. She was ready for him. Suddenly Jonathan bounded up again and kissed Alexandra on her mouth, his tongue again entering her deeply.

„Where have you been?", Jonathan panted again, gazing into her eyes. Alexandra groaned aloud when he entered her.

First he moved very soft and slow, kissing Alexandra over and over again. Both were panting aloud and started to sweat. Jonathan was still wearing his shirt and his tie. Alexandra´s hands moved unterneath his shirt and caressed his back. Jonathan didn´t looked at her and started to kiss her neck.

„Oh Jon... Jonathan.. please.. don´t do it..", Alexandra whispered into his ear.

„Where the hell have you been?", Jonathan panted, gazing into her eyes again.

Suddenly his thrusts were getting deeper and harder.

Alexandra groaned aloud and closed her eyes again. Jonathan´s breath got fast and heavy and he started to moan. Alexandra could feel his hardened manhood deep inside of her and she felt Jonathan´s lips on hers.

_Oh God, please don´t do this to me! Don´t do this to me!´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

„Where have you been?", she could hear Jonathan saying over and over again, when her hands clinged to his back and his thrust were getting harder and harder.

„Jon.. don´t..", Alexandra whispered and moaned aloud when she came.

Jonathan paused for a moment gazing at Alexandra. He could feel her contractions surrounding his manhood and he groaned aloud. He could sense, it wouldn´t be the last time. Jonathan bit his lower lip and started to thrust again.

„Where have you been, where have you been?", he panted again, he kissed Alexandra and again his thrusts got even harder and harder.

Alexandra was trembling. She couldn´t stop him.

His thrusts were getting faster and harder now and Jonathan and Alexandra clinged to each other, groaning out aloud, when they both came wildely and forcefully and Jonathan poured deep inside of her.

He supported himself with his arms and gazed into her eyes, still inside of her. He saw Alexandra in front of him, sweating, panting and trembling. She swallowed hard and her eyes filled up with tears. Jonathan´s hand touched her forehead and caressed her. His fingers ran softly through her hair. His lips brushed hers. Alexandra felt herself crying.

„Welcome home.", Jonathan whispered and kissed her softly.


	13. Speechless

**Chapter 13 (Speechless)**

Neither knew what time it was.

Jonathan und Alexandra still had been lying there for a while, Jonathan still inside her.

Their sexual agitation was gone long time ago but this made no difference.

Both didn´t say a word the entire time. Alexandra had cried and Jonathan gently had kissed the tears out of her face. Alexandra still had embraced him and she had felt Jonathan caressing her forehead. They had gazed into each others eyes for a very long time, without saying anything.

Only then when they noticed the wind blowing through the tree-tops and the rustling noise of the falling leaves, Jonathan and Alexandra had gotten up and have dressed again.

Still neither had said a word and both didn´t dare to say anything.

_Jonathan, just say something - say anything!´_, Alexandra thought while putting on her coat.

_Alexandra, say anything!´_, Jonathan thought while adjusting his tie. _At least tell me, where have you been the entire time!´_

But Jonathan could feel, she wouldn´t tell him, at least she wouldn´t tell him now. And he wouldn´t tell her certain things either. But it was obvious, they would have to talk about certain things very soon.

Both looked at each other and stepped out of the cabin without saying anything - the place of their resurrected love. Risen like phoenix from the ashes. But was this true? Was it still love? Or was it just a rememberance of something happened long time ago?

_She can´t be a ghost!´_, Jonathan thought when he gripped Alexandra´s hand without a word. She didn´t protest, holding his hand, too. Both walked back over the small path - the one they had taken when they tried to escape from the heavy weather.

Jonathan had touched Alexandra, he had felt her, he had tasted her, he had been inside her. A ghost doesn´t feel like that!

For a split second Jonathan could remember the certain night, long long time ago. The night, where Alexandra had vanished right in front of his eyes and where Scarecrow had shown up for the first time But this time, it was different! This time, she was really there!

_No! She´s definitely not a ghost! I know this now! No matter what you´ll tell me now, Scarecrow. This time you won´t catch me with your fairy-tales!´_, Jonathan thought when he could feel Alexandra´s warm hand, pressing it lightely.

But Scarecrow was silent and Jonathan could feel him sitting in his dark corner, pouting.

_That´s all right!´_, Jonathan thought. _You won´t take this away from me again!´_

Alexandra swallowed heavily, when she noticed the ruins of the roofed bench in front of them. She didn´t know if Jonathan had passed by there before they had seen each other in the cabin. She looked to the ground when they approached the bench and she could feel his grip getting firmer when they arrived.

Alexandra wanted to pass by the bench, but Jonathan stopped. She didn´t say anything when she watched Jonathan´s other hand touching the beams and moving gently over the brittled wood - exactly as she did before.

_Do you feel what I feel, Jonathan? Can you see what I see?_´, Alexandra thought and she felt her eyes filling up with tears.

In this moment he gazed directly into her eyes.

„Yes.", he whispered. „Yes, I do."

Alexandra pressed his hand and looked to the ground. She could feel Jonathan´s other hand touching her cheek. She stepped forward without looking up and both started to walk again.

Alexandra was searching for the right words. What to tell him now? Where to start?

_Why didn´t you let me talk when I had the right words in my mind, Jonathan?´, _flashed through Alexandra´s mind._But you placed your hand on my mouth every time. You didn´t allow me to speak and you ran over me like a bulldozer. And now I don´t know how to start.´_

Alexandra stole a glance at Jonathan. He was looking at his feet while walking and he swallowed heavily. It was obvious that even he didn´t know what to say.

_Maybe we should continue from the point where we stopped when we were in the cabin. Maybe this would make it all easier.´_, Alexandra thought embittered when Jonathan stopped and gazed into her eyes.

She felt ashamed of this thought, but it was a fact that Jonathan was the one and only man she had the best sex with ever in her life! No one of those guys, Alexandra had slept with over the last years could rank next to him! And no matter if the sex was soft, like the one they had 12 years ago or wild and passionate like the one they had today.

With Jonathan it wasn´t just having sex because of physical reasons, it was as if their hearts, their souls would become one – whether she liked it or not. Alexandra would never confess it but she knew it was the truth!

„Do you want me to drive you home?", Jonathan finally asked and Alexandra looked at him, astonished.

„What do you mean?", she said and she could her her voice trembling.

With his head, Jonathan pointed at the parking lot and Alexandra looked across it.

_Oh right! There was a parking lot nearby the lake. I completely forgot!´_, Alexandra thought, when she noticed a dark-green coloured Jaguar cabriolet.

It was the same car Jonathan had in the parking-garage and somehow she was glad that he had asked her.

„I can take you back to the city if you want to.", Jonathan said when they both stepped forward, still holding Alexandra´s hand.

„Oh, that´s nice from you", Alexandra said when they crossed the parking lot heading Jonathan´s Jaguar. „But it´s not necessary. I came here with my motorbike."

Jonathan stopped, gazing at Alexandra.

„Motorbike?", he asked, raising his eyebrows „I even didn´t know you´re driving motorbikes."

„Well..", Alexandra started when Jonathan opened the door of his Jaguar but then she kept silent.

It wasn´t that important to explain and Jonathan didn´t made the impression that he even wanted to know. At least she believed that.

Alexandra noticed Jonathan´s Rolex on his wrist and she asked him, what time it was.

Jonathan gazed at his watch and he was surprised when he realized how late it was already.

„It´s almost 6 now.", he finally said.

_Oh man, I have to go to Falcone.´_, Jonathan thought.

„Oh! It´s that late already?", Alexandra asked, surprised.

_Damn, Falcone is waiting for me and I first have to get back home to get my stuff!´_, Alexandra thought while gazing into Jonathan´s eyes.

„You still don´t use a watch, right?", Jonathan asked, looking at her right wrist.

For the first time, Alexandra could see a light smile whisking over his face.

Alexandra grabbed into her coat pocket and pulled out her cell-phone.

„You still don´t use a cell-phone, right?", she answered with a big grin, pointing to Jonathan´s beeper clamped at the belt of his pants

_Some things will never change.´_, they both thought.

Jonathan opened the door of his car and pulled something out of the glove compartment. It was his visiting card

„All my phone numbers are on it. My office at Arkham, my beeper and my car phone, too.", he said, then he pulled out a pen to write something on the card. „And this is my private number at home."

Then he passed the card to Alexandra.

„Thank you.", she said softly.

She took Jonathan´s pen out of his hand. He pulled a small writing block out of his suit jacket and Alexandra started to write down her cell-phone number.

_Damn, Alex. Now you´re giving him the number, your boss is always using to call you!´,_ she thought when she handed back the writing block and the pen to Jonathan._ „Don´t answer the phone by telling your name when someone calls you up next time.´_

They gazed into each others eyes and again there was this arkward silence.

„Can we meet somewhere ?", Jonathan finally asked.

Alexandra nodded.

„Yes... yes, sure... I think, we even have to.."

„Tonight?"

Alexandra swallowed.

„I.. I still don´t know... maybe... I give you a call, okay?"

Jonathan nodded, but he could feel he was lightely disappointed of Alexandra´s reserved reaction. After all, they had sex with each other the entire afternoon! But he had to accept her reaction.

„Alright.", he said then.

For a split second they looked at each other again, then Jonathan touched Alexandra´s cheek. He hesitated for a moment then he bended forward and kissed her softly. Alexandra returned his kiss.

„See you later.", Jonathan whispered, caressing her cheek.

„Yeah.. see you later.", Alexandra said in a soft voice when Jonathan got into his car.

She turned around and walked across the parking lot.

Alexandra didn´t turn around again when she could hear Jonathan driving away and went back to her motorbike as fast as she could.


	14. Jonathan´s visit

**Chapter 14 (Jonathan´s visit)**

Alexandra was standing in front of Falcone´s desk and Falcone kept on talking insistently to her with a big smirk on his face.

He always had this smirk on his face when he was talking to her. If Jane would give him permission he probably would mount her right here in his office, even on his desk. But if she would have her way she would blow his brain out.

Jane had started to hate Falcone. She hated his smug behaviour, she hated his ambiguous comments and she hated him for that he had demanded from her to do to Ramón Alvarez.

Of course, she was glad having one rapist less in Gotham, but the price for it was her wounds deep inside her being ripped open again and depending on her future relationship to Jonathan she wouldn´t manage to hide the loss of their child in front of him that long.

She knew, it was her job to observe Falcone. It also was her job to observe Dr. Jonathan Crane. She didn´t know in which way he was connected to Carmine Falcone. She didn´t know yet.

To Jane it was already clear that Carmine Falcone was a self-confident corrupt asshole. And the thought of Jonathan Crane having a business relationship with him or even cultivating a friendship to him made Alexandra sick.

Jane tried to push her thoughts away when she could hear Falcone laughing loud.

"Today a young doctor will visit us. I´m pretty sure you´ll like him!", he shouted and again, Jane could see the wide smirk on his face.

_You asshole, what do you think I am?´_, Jane thought, annoyed.

She wasn´t his sex toy! She wouldn´t pounce upon a guy who crossed her path just to amuse Falcone! Then she could hear the door being opened. Jane turned around and stood next to Falcone´s desk.

Sean had opened the door and a young man in a suit stepped in. Alexandra startled. It was Jonathan!

_Oh my god! Please don´t let him notice that it´s me!´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind when she could hear Falcone saying "Ah, Dr. Crane! We were waiting for you!"

"Mr. Falcone.", Jonathan said in a dry voice, first looking at the grinning man behind his desk and then at the person wearing a black coat and a ski-mask.

_ „It seems that I´m not the only one who likes to wear masks!" _, Scarecrow shouted, surprised.

"Jane, would you please be so kind?", Falcone giggled while Jonathan placed his briefcase on the ground.

_He must not recognize you! Do everything not to make him know it is you!´_, everything shouted inside her when Alexandra grabbed the collar of Jonathan´s suit.

She could hear him cursing when she pulled Jonathan round and pressed him forcefully against the wall next to them. Falcone laughed cheerfully when Jane´s hands moved tentatively over Jonathan´s body.

"Falcone, what is this all about!", Crane shouted, annoyed. „Why are you doing this! You already know I don´t have a gun!"

Falcone giggled like a little school boy when Jane turned round Jonathan again, pressing his hands against the wall and parting his legs with her foot. Again, her hands glided over Jonathan´s body, they rummaged through his pockets, they slipped under the jacket of his suit moving up and down over his back and his chest.

„Damn it, Falcone! Call her back! That´s not funny anymore!", Jonathan shouted even louder than before and he worked hard not to lose his self-control nor to resist.

_Alex, don´t let him know, it is you!´_, flashed through her mind when she placed her hands on Jonathan´s butt, squeezing him lightely.

„Ohh, how sweet is that! Obviously here´s someone having a crush on you, Dr. Crane!", Falcone giggled while Jane pressed her body against Jonathan´s back.

Jonathan could feel her hot breath on his neck while her hands moved over his abdomen, down to his manhood. He was raging of anger. Jonathan gritted his teeth and his body tensed when her hands rubbed over the fabric of his pants and his manhood.

„Whoa, whoa Dr. Crane! You know we don´t allow guns in here, don´t you!", Falcone shouted and laughed aloud when he looked into Crane´s annoyed face.

_How much do I hate you for this, Falcone!´_, Jane thought when she pulled Jonathan round again and pressed him down into the chair standing in front of Falcone´s desk.

Jonathan foamed with rage, looking at the masked woman standing in front of him, his eyes blazed with anger.

_Jon, I´m sorry, I´m so sorry...´_, Alexandra thought when she quickly turned away from Jonathan, standing next to Falcone´s desk again.

_ „You should use your fear toxin on them! On the both of them!" _, Scarecrow shouted, annoyed.

_ „No! I still need them, at least I need Falcone!" _, Jonathan answered and Scarecrow was silent again.

Falcone clapped his hands, cheering.

„This is just disgusting, Falcone!", Jonathan shouted, still foaming of rage. „I didn´t expected something like this from you - but I should have known better."

_Good, at least they´re not big pals.´, Alexandra thought, trying to hide her relief. _

„Come on, Doc, don´t be a killjoy!", Falcone giggled again. „It wasn´t that bad at all!"

He leaned back his head against the headrest of his big leather chair

„So what´s up, Doc?", Falcone asked.

Jonathan swallowed.

„I don´t think that this... person has to be here in the room now, right?", Jonathan hissed, looking at Jane, his eyes blazed with anger.

Alexandra could feel a stitch in her heart when she gazed into Jonathan´s cold eyes.

_It´s better that way!´, she thought. At least he doesn´t know who I really am.´_

Falcone giggled and looked over to Jane.

„Come on, Jane.", he said. „Go outside and play somewhere else."

Jane nodded without saying anything and walked over to the door.

„No more favors. Someone is sniffing around.", she could hear Jonathan saying when she closed the door behind her.

Jane stood in front of the door, her arms crossed. She wanted to give the impression not to let anyone go into the office but secretly she was trying to listen to Jonathan´s conversation with Falcone. Both were speaking in a low voice but she could hear a few words..

... shipments ..

... a girl in the D.A.´s office ...

... we´ll buy her off ...

... not this one ...

... there´s an answer to that too...

Alexandra didn´t know why but when she heard the words „D.A.´s office" she had Rachel Dawes in her mind.

_What the hell are they going to do?´, she thought and she was torn of her thoughts when she could hear the door being opened again. _

Jane stepped aside and turned round. Dr. Jonathan Crane stepped out of the office. Both gazed at each other and she could see his eyes still blazed with anger while Jonathan closed the door of Falcone´s office.

He passed by without saying a word to her and left the restraurant through the main entrance.


	15. The phone call

**Chapter 15 (The phone call)**

Alexandra had driven home after Falcone had called her into his office after Jonathan´s visit.

„I think we both had enough fun for today, Jane.", he had told her, again with a big smirk on his face.

_You son of a bitch! You damn son of a bitch! I hate you!´_, had flashed through Jane´s mind when she said good-bye to Falcone and mounted her motor-bike.

The entire ride she was thinking about what had happened tonight in his office.

How could Falcone do this to them? How could she do that to Jonathan? But what could she have done different? She couldn´t avoid it! If she would have reacted different, if she would have refused to obey Falcone, she would have run the risk to be busted. And she couldn´t take the risk!

But it hurt her so much to see Jonathan so angry and full of pain. She had seen the anger and the hatred in his eyes! How humiliated he had to feel himself!

It was bad enough that she was treatened like a piece of meat by Falcone, so why did he have to involve even Jonathan into this!

_You made a very big mistake, son of a bitch!´_, Alexandra thought when she opened the door of her appartment. _Just one word of my boss and I´ll skin you when you´re still alive! You will repent of what you have done to me and to Jonathan!´_

Alexandra had tossed and turned over and over again. Her thoughts on what had happend didn´t let her sleep. She wondered, if Jonathan was doing okay. Alexandra stared at her cell-phone lying on the nightstand.

_I have to know if he´s doing okay.´_, she thought while looking at the time on her cell-phone´s display.

If Jonathan was still the same as before, when they were at school together, this would take its toll on him, without any doubt.

It always has been like this!

Every time when he was bullied by their classmates when Alexandra was away, he often returned home, crying and completely down. They had met then in the afternoon and Alexandra had tried to cheer up Jonathan. And every time when someone tried to bully Jonathan when she was next to him, every time she interfered immediately to defend him.

She also had to defend herself frequently against other's attacks because of her German heritage but Alexandra always could handle it better than Jonathan could. It always has been like this and she was aware of it. She also knew she had been a guardian angel to Jonathan.

_If Jonathan would know, it was his guardian angel who has hurted him so much tonight.´_, Alexandra thought, looking at her cell-phone again.

It was 3 a.m.

„Are you nuts! You can´t call Jonathan now, not at 3 ó clock in the morning!", she said to herself.

And if she would call him now, she would have to be careful not to mention what happened in Falcone´s office. Jonathan would know at once who the masked person was then.

„You´re not acting like a pro, Alex.", she said aloud. „You came back to kill Jonathan and now you´re on the way to fall in love with him again."

She sighed.

_Fuck it!´_, she thought when she grabbed her cell-phone and dialed Jonathan´s private number.

She could feel herself trembling when she heard the call signals.

..beep...

_Maybe he´s not at home..´_

..beep..

_You´re acting like a stupid school girl!´_

...beep...

_Hang up as long as you can!´_

..click...

„Crane?", she could hear Jonathan saying.

It was quiet for a moment because Alexandra couldn´t say anything.

„Hello? Who is there?", Jonathan said, this time with a hissing tone in his voice and he wanted to hang up the phone again when he noticed a voice on the other end of the line.

„Hello Jon.", she said, almost whispering. „It´s Alexandra."

„Alexandra!", Jonathan shouted and she believed to notice a tone of joy in his voice.

Indeed, he was glad to hear her. He had been awake the entire time and he couldn´t sleep.

„Jon, I´m sorry if I did wake you up, but..", Alexandra started and she could feel her voice trembling again.

„Alex, is everything okay?", she could hear Jonathan asking. „You sound so strange... are you drunk?"

„Yes.. yes, I think so...", she lied. „I´m sorry, I didn´t want to bother you."

Yes, she had some drinks after getting back at home but it wasn´t enough to get drunk.

„No, it´s okay, don´t worry."

„Jon?"

„Yeah?"

„Are you doing okay?"

It was silent again and Alexandra could hear Jonathan taking a deep breath.

_He´s NOT doing okay. How could he after this what happened to him´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

„Yeah...yeah, I´m doing okay.", he finally said, sighing lightly.

_Why are you lying to her, Jonathan?´_

Alexandra cleared her throat.

„Can we see each other? I mean.. I´d like to meet you somewhere."

„Yes.. yes, of course.", he said.

_I waited so long to hear something from you, Alex. I can´t tell you what happened to me but I was longing so much to hear your voice again.´_, Jonathan thought.

How much did he wish to see her again today, especially after this happened to him in Falcone´s office. But he was sitting at home all alone, with his pain, his rage and his anger. He had wondered what Alexandra would have done if she would have been together with him in the office. Would she have defended him, as she did years ago? Would she have cared at all?

_I´m glad that you were not there, Alex. I wouldn´t have stand it to see you there._´, flashed through Jonathan´s mind when he could hear Alexandra´s voice again.

„Do you know the club „No Limits" on Park Avenue?", Alexandra asked.

„Err... yeah.. yeah, I do..."

„Tonight?.. let´s say at 10 p.m.?"

It was silent again.

_Why does she wants to meet me in a club? Does it scare her to be alone with me?´_, Jonathan thought and for a split second he had their encounter this afternoon in his mind.

„Okay.", Jonathan finally said.

In her mind, Alexandra sighed of relief.

She would have liked to see him right now but she knew it would have been more then stupid because of her current condition.

„Okay, then.. see you tonight.", she said softly.

„Okay.. see you later, Alex.", Jonathan whispered.

„Yeah, see you later..."

„Good night, Alex. Sleep well.", Jonathan said in a low voice and she could hear something in it caressing her hurt soul.

„You too, Jon. Good night.", she whispered, kissing Jonathan in her imagination.

The Alexandra hung up the phone.

Both were sitting on the edge of their beds for a long time, staring at their phones before going to bed again to fall asleep.


	16. Bagel and Coffee

**Chapter 16 (Bagel and Coffee)**

Alexandra had awakened having a terrible headache.

She moaned when she got out of the bed. She had a hangover, either because of the whiskey last night or because of her worries about Jonathan – or because of both.

It was almost 11 a.m.!

_Oh, my god! Did I really sleep all that long?´_, Alexandra thought, touching her head and sighing lightely.

Still 11 hours left until her date with Jonathan! Was it a date at all? What to do with those 11 hours?

She looked around and noticed her weapons still lying on the table. Maybe she should take care of her weapons, cleaning them, checking if everything on the mechanics was okay. Maybe she should do a warming up, doing some martial arts training to refresh her knowledge.

_No!´_, Alexandra thought, when she stepped into the bathroom to take a shower. _I won´t be Jane Deveraux today, not if I don´t really have to be!´_

She just wanted to be herself today, Alexandra Wentzler, not Jane Deveraux, not an assassin, not a marrionette, not a sex toy of anybody, especially Falcone! She wanted to be herself! She had to worry about what would happen tonight when she would see Jonathan again, what she would say to him.

„I have to think about it!", she said aloud when she dressed. „And I can´t do it here!"

Alexandra hated this apartment. It was big, but it was dark, cold, without life. To her it was like a cage, like a rat hole! And maybe she wasn´t nothing else. Maybe she _was_ a laboratory rat, being part of a big experiment. Alexandra touched her temples. She still had a headache.

_Alex, get out of here! Go out to get some fresh air! Breakfast, coffee.. maybe go for a walk. You´ll see, after this you´ll feel better.´_, she thought, then she hided her weapons in her „secret compartment", grabbed her coat and left the apartment.

The weather was fine and the sun was shining bright, when Alexandra stepped out of the house. She had to blink her eyes.

_Okay.. what to do now?´_, Alexandra thought.

Yeah, breakfast!

_A plain bagel with cream cheese and a coffee - black, without milk and sugar – that´s it!´_, she thought when she walked down the street.

„Good morning, Dr. Crane.", Mrs. Nichols said and smiled lightely when she stepped into Jonathan´s office.

It was 11 a.m.!

_He´s that late again!´_, Mrs. Nichols thought while putting the patients files for todays appointments on his desk.

Dr. Crane was lost in his mind and he startled lightely when he saw Mrs. Nichols standing in front of him.

„Oh I´m sorry.", he said. „I didn´t hear you coming in. Thank you for the files, Mrs. Nichols."

„You´re welcome, Sir.", Mrs. Nichols said and turned round to leave Dr. Crane´s office again.

„Oh, Mrs. Nichols!", Dr. Crane said aloud, touching his abdomen. He could hear the rumbling of his stomach.

_But why didn´t you had breakfast before seeing you first patient, Jonathan?´_, he thought.

„Yes Sir?", Mrs. Nichols asked and turned round.

„You could do me a really big favour.", Dr. Crane sighed while putting off his glasses and rubbing over his eyes with his fingers.

For the first time Mrs. Nichols noticed dark rings under Dr. Crane´s eyes.

„Could you please go downstairs to the employee´s cafeteria to get some food for me?"

„Oh, of course, sir.", Mrs. Nichols answered, surprised because she was expecting something else – maybe to write a letter to a doctor colleague for him or to call somebody up or something like that – business as usual.

„I´d like to have a bagel. A plain bagel – with some cream cheese."

Mrs. Nichols was astonished when she heard that but she tried to hide it as far as she could. He never asked her to get a bagel for him in the last 3 years – since she was working for him.

„Do you also want some coffee, sir?", Mrs. Nichols asked politely.

_Probably with milk and sugar, as always.´_, she thought.

„Yes, please.", Dr. Crane answered. „I´d like to have some coffee – black, without milk and sugar. Just the coffee."

Mrs. Nichols felt her jaw drop.

„Of course, sir.", she answered politely and left the office.

_I don´t believe it! He´s coming too late, and now he wants a bagel with cream cheese and black coffee! What the hell is wrong with this guy!´_, Mrs. Nichols thought and shook her head when she left the office to go downstairs to the cafeteria.


	17. Alexandra´s reminiscences

**Chapter 17 (Alexandra´s reminiscences)**

Alexandra sipped carefully at the coffee, holding the paper-bag with the bagel in the other hand when she stepped out of the Deli.

The coffee was still too hot to drink and the street was too crowded to stand somewhere in a corner to have breakfast.

Alexandra decided to go to Gotham Central Park. The park was not far away from her anyway and there she could sit somewhere and have breakfast in peace and without a hurry.

_I´ll have my peace as long as Falcone or my boss don´t call me.´_, Alexandra thought. _Oh God, I hope they won´t call me tonight!´_

For the first time Alexandra realized that since she was back in Gotham she didn´t walked through the streets to pursue or to observe someone. For the first time she walked through the streets because she just wanted to and not because she had to.

It was a feeling she didn´t had for years and it even got stronger when Alexandra arrived at Gotham Central Park.

She sat down under a tree at a place where she had a good overview over the park. She stretched her legs and her upper body leant against the tree. Alexandra put the cup with the coffee on the ground into the grass which was partially covered with leaves. She pulled the bagel out of the paper-bag and started to eat.

Alexandra watched the happenings around her in the park and again she noticed all these little things she haven´t noticed for such a long time..

She watched little children laughing and running through the park, throwing leaves at each other. She could see an old man sitting on a bench, feeding the pigeons with bread crumbs. She could see a young mother raising her baby out of the baby carriage, rocking it to sleep in her arms and kissing it softly on the cheek.

Alexandra could feel the warmth of the autumnal sun and she could see the huge tree-tops of Gotham Central Park being coloured in a mix of red and gold. It was a perfect October day. Golden October!

_There are still so many nice things in the world, Alex. Why didn´t you see them all the time?´_, Alexandra thought, sipping at her coffee and she gazed over the park again.

She drank her coffee, lost in her thoughts. She put down the cup slowly when she noticed a young couple sitting down under a tree – and then Alexandra had to think of Jonathan.

Now the couple was doing something, Alexandra and Jonathan always had done when they still were at school together and now, Alexandra could see it so clearly in front of her eyes:

_Jonathan leaned against the tree with his upper body, Alexandra was lying in the grass, her head on Jonathan´s legs. Jonathan was holding a book in his hand and he placed his other hand on Alexandra´s hair and sometimes he even stroked it absently. Either, Alexandra had a book too and both were reading without saying anything or they were talking about something and Jonathan was looking down to Alexandra._

To both, it had been the most normal thing of the world to deal with each other that way and it was quite unbelievable that they haven´t been a couble yet at this time.

Of course their classmates made their fun of them when they were sitting like this on the High School campus but Alexandra and Jonathan didn´t care.

Alexandra could remember it as if has been yesterday and sighed.

Nobody could harm them, they had been inseparable.

And now? What had remained of their time together?

Was Jonathan still the same?

No! He couldn´t be the same, not after this, what he had done to her family!

But didn´t she changed, too?

What has she done all over the years?

Alexandra could remember:

_Shortly before the war in Germany was over, she had escaped, from one town to the other, from one country to the other. She had started to steal, she had started to lie and to betray. She had dwelled in pernury, in dirt and sometimes in the dark for days. She had started to take drugs and to do the dirty work for other people. She had wanted to die and she didn´t care whether she had been half dead or not. _

_But she could neither aim a weapon against herself nor allow that someone would kill her. And then the day came where Alexandra should kill a human being for the first time who tried to take her life away from her – and for the first time she could feel the rage, the anger and all her hatred against herself, against Jonathan and against the whole world pouring out of her. She had felt like liquid metal being poured into a casting mould to become the blade of a sword. Then she had started to seek for a reason to kill someone, to perfect her skills and she had slept with every man she could learn something of. _

_When she had been in jail in Asia, she got seriously sick and Alexandra had thought besides of her dead mind her body would also die now. But then a man came into her life how had got her out of jail, who had ensured to get the best medical treatment for her. He had helped her to get rid off the drugs and he had recognized her talent being a fighter – and a assassin. _

_He had trained her, he had been her mentor – and he had made out of her what she was now. Jane Deveraux._

But it was only a part of her.

_I have changed, but I´m still Alexandra.´_, she thought. _I´m still here.´_

Alexandra stood up, cleaning her coat from the crumbs of the bagel.

She paused and looked down at herself.

Suddenly she realized she was wearing the same coat as she did last night when she was in Falcone´s office together with Jonathan. Jonathan could recognize it and then he would know who she is!

Alexandra opened her coat looking at her clothes.

_Oh man, what to put on tonight?´_, Alexandra thought.

The clothes she has received from her colleagues were indeed the right ones for her purposes but it wasn´t the right dress for a woman to put on when having a date with a man.

Was it a date at all with Jonathan? No, not really!

But then Alexandra had this thought in her mind again she already had in her apartment.

_I won´t be Jane Deveraux today, not if I don´t really have to be!´_

Alexandra pulled her wallet out of her coat. Yes, she had money, she had more then enough money.

_Now you will do something for YOU, Alexandra.´_, she thought then she grabbed the cup and the paper-bag and walked out of Gotham Central Park.


	18. Jonathan

**Chapter 18 (Jonathan)**

„How do you feel today, Mrs. García?", Dr. Jonathan Crane asked, sighing lightly when the corpulent lady had a seat on the big comfortable leather couch in front of him.

Eliana García was a black woman in her end 50 ies of Creolian heritage. She was a a cheerful person and had the pecularity to hug and to cuddle everyone who needed to be protected in her opinion.

Jonathan could remember their first session half a year ago, where Mrs. García almost had crushed him to death with her hug - compared to her Jonathan was as thin as a bean-pole and he was glad, that she had hugged him only once. Of course some „power of presuation" needed by giving her an injection, but obviously it had been sufficiant. Mrs. García still came into his office, snorting and giggling, but she never had dared to touch Jonathan ever again.

_Manic-depressive disorder´, _was Mrs. García´s diagnosis, but with a clear tendency to have more manic phases. Dr. Crane wasn´t sure if she would be in better hands with another colleague but Mrs. García didn´t changed her mind and she insisted on being under his medical treatment.

_Very strong marked maternal instinct´_, Jonathan had written into her patient file after Mrs. García started to give him pet names over and over again like „Sweetie", „Honey" or „My poor baby".

„Mrs. García, I already told you once: it´s Dr. Crane for you.", he had told her then with a hissing undertone in her voice.

He hated it to be called by her with those stupid names but she kept on calling him like this over and over again.

_ „You should use your fear toxin on her. You should teach her to fear you. You should teach her what it means to have fear." _, Scarecrow whispered.

_ „No. I can handle her that way."_, Jonathan replied. _ „This woman is harmless."_

Though - it would have been interesting to watch Eliana García having a very „intense depressive phase" and Jonathan could feel the two metal tubes clamped at the belt of his pants under the jacket of his suit.

Dr. Crane gazed at his watch while Mrs. García was lying on the couch and kept on talking cheerfully.

6:30 p.m.!

_Still 3 1/2 hours left.´_, Jonathan thought.

His session with Mrs. García would be over at 7 p.m. and if he was lucky and no emergency would occur, he could drive home to take a nap and then get ready for his date with Alexandra.

Was it a date at all? No, not really! But he was happy though to see her soon again.

Jonathan didn´t really listen when Mrs. García talked about her family and lost in his thoughts, his gaze moved over the couch to the window out to the street. Outside it was getting little by little.

„My parents are Martians, we all are Martians.", Mrs. García said aloud when she noticed Dr. Crane being lost in his thoughts, having a light smile on his face. „And you, Dr. Crane? What planet are you from?"

It was silent for a moment.

„What?", Jonathan whispered and startled.

For a split second he completely forgot where he was at all.

Mrs. García bursted out laughing and the window-panes and even the ground under Jonathan´s feet trembled under her dark powerful.

„Honey, you didn´t listen to me at all, did you?", Mrs. García shouted with a wide smile on her big, round face.

„Mrs. García, Dr. Craa..", Jonathan started but Mrs. García interrupted him.

„Sweetie, you look like someone who has fallen in love!", she shouted, turned onto her side, supported her head with her hand and gazed at Jonathan with sparkling eyes.

Jonathan swallowed. It was embarassing to him because she had caught him right in the act at thinking of Alexandra. But he tried to be as cool and professional as always.

„Mrs. García, I won´t discuss.. ", but she interrupted him again.

„Come on, Doc, don´t be afraid, you can tell me!", Mrs. García shouted and smiled. „You are in love up to the eyes, your face says it everything! Do you really think I wouldn´t notice that ?"

„ Mrs. García, you are my patient.", Jonathan started and he could feel himself blushing.

„And I´am old enough to be your mother, Sweetie.", Mrs. García interrupted him.

She sat up and her big brown eyes gazed at Jonathan, full of expectation and curiosity.

„Now, tell me.", she asked audaciously. „Who is she? Do I know her? Lord, this is so exciting! Out with it, Doc! I´am almost bursting!"

Jonathan wanted to tell her, that it wasn´t none of her business at all but his thought on Alexandra let him getting lost into his fantasies again and again a smile whisked over his lips.

„Well..she is..she is..", Jonathan whispered, still smiling.

„Yeeeeaaahhh..?", Mrs. García asked softly and raised her eyebrows.

„She is.. an old friend of mine. We went to school together .. and..", Jonathan said sighing and his ganze moved over to Mrs. García. „..and.. I love her."

„Ohh Doc, this is soooo cuuuteee!", Mrs. García shouted aloud and suddenly Jonathan realized, what he actually said.

_ "Stupid boy, is she the psychiatrist or is it you?" _, Scarecrow yelled, when Jonathan could hear Mrs. García saying:

„Sweetie, these are fantastic news. I´m so happy for you! I really am!"

Jonathan wanted to say something but he didn´t came further because Mrs. García jumped up and again the ground trembled under his feet.

„You know what, Doc?", she shouted. „I´ll go home and you should meet your girlfriend now."

„ Hold on, Mrs. García.", Dr. Crane said. „We´re not finished yet!"

„We are finished!", Mrs. García replied. „You´re good for nothing else anyway today!"

Jonathan couldn´t say anything when Mrs. García grabbed her coat and whisked out of the office with a cheery „See you next week! And have fun with your girlfriend!".

Jonathan was sitting there for a moment, still holding the patient file and the pen in his hand.

_Is it just my imagination or do I really have spare-time now?´_, he thought and he smiled lightly again.

He was on the way to raise from his seat when he could hear someone knocking at the door.

_Oh no! Mrs .García obviously changed her mind!´_, Jonathan thought.

He sighed in relief when nurse Hillary, the headnurse of tonight´s nightshift opened the door and stepped into Dr. Crane´s office. She still wasn´t working that long in Arkham and Dr. Crane saw her just from time to time.

„Dr. Crane?", she asked politely. „Please excuse me for interrupting you in your session."

„No, no problem.", he replied. „What can I do for you?"

„Patient No. 4872", nurse Hillary started. „We have a problem.."

„Does the patient has a name, too?", Dr. Crane interrupted her.

He hated it when the nurses were talking about the patients if they were only numbers. Nurse Hillary was aware of it but wasn´t long enough in the asylum not to forget it every time.

„Of course Doctor, I´m sorry.", she replied, visibly embarraddes. „The patient´s name is Burton - Luis Burton."

His thought of Alexandra disappeared and Jonathan was in reality again – a reality also being part of his past.

„I´m on the way.", he replied.

Nurse Hillary nodded and closed the door.

_ „It´s time for the next dose." _, Scarecrow giggled when Jonathan placed Mrs. García´s file on the desk, put on his white coat and stepped out of his office.


	19. No Limits

**Chapter 19 ("No Limits")**

It was past 10 p.m. when Jonathan arrived at the club "No Limits".

He could drive home and stay there for a short time but due his „patient emergency" he couldn´t do all things he wanted to do actually. The club was not far away from his apartment so Jonathan decided to leave his car at home and walked over to the club. It was very cold this evening and Jonathan pressed his coat close against his body.

_Damn it! I still have the toxin system on!´_, flashed through Jonathan´s mind when he could feel the metal tubes clamped at the belt of his pants.

Usually he was wearing the system the entire time, in Arkam anyway, but he always removed it in cases where it could create suspicion, for example when he got to meet Falcone or one of the handy men of his employer, Ra´s al Ghul.

Actuall he wanted to remove it before going to see Alexandra but in the rush he had forgotten about it.

_ "You finally should use your fear toxin on her." _, Scarecrow shouted. _ "In 12 years this woman didn´t feel compelled to get into contact with you, to tell you that she´s still alive." _

_ "And to who do I owe this at all!" , Jonathan hissed back_. _ "You have lied to me the entire time! At least Alexandra had returned to talk to me. She might have had her reasons not to get into contact with me." _

Now Jonathan realized that he was defending Alexandra for the first time.

_ "Oh yeah, right! If I would know that my boyfriend has killed my family I also would take my time before I would go out for a coffee with him again!" _, Scarecrow snorted.

Jonathan stopped, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He knew exactly what Scarecrow was talking about. As if he wouldn´t know, how much he had burdened himself with guilt! As if he wouldn´t know that he would have to tell Alexandra one day, what he had done to her!

_ "How do you know that she doesn´t know it all already?" _, Scarecrow hissed and Jonathan knew that he could be right with his presumption.

_I will tell her and I will explain to her what´s going on with me. And I will hope that she´ll understand it and that she´ll forgive me one day.´_, Jonathan thought.

_"What are you thinking about, boy ? What´s going on there in your brain!" _, Scarecrow whispered nervously and suddenly Jonathan knew what that meant.

Scarecrow couldn´t read his mind as he could before and now he knew it had to so something with Alexandra. Jonathan could feel that he was somehow connected to her mentally.

Yes, she was protecting him again, Alexandra, his guardian angel! And as long as she did, nothing could happen to him.

_ "I warn you, Jonathan!" _, Scarecrow hissed._ "If you´re trying to cheat me I´ll hurt your little girlfriend." _

"And I warn you, Scarecrow!", Jonathan said aloud. "When I fall you´ll fall with me, remember!"

Jonathan remembered the incident with the razor blade in his bathroom 12 years ago and now Scarecrow was silent again.

Jonathan smiled self-satisfied when he stepped into the club.

He could hear the loud music coming from the rear area of the club and his gaze moved over the big poster when he checked his black coat made of cashmere at the check-room.

"Tonight - Soul-Night, live!", Jonathan could read on the poster when he slowly walked over to the bar in the entrance area.

_What does Alexandra want here at all?´_, Jonathan. _Does she actually know there´s a live-event here tonight? ... And where the hell is she!´_

Jonathan looked around, but he couldn´t see Alexandra anywhere.

"What do you like to drink, Sir?", the barkeeper asked him while cleaning the counter with a cloth when Jonathan glanced at his watch nervously.

Why was this guy bothering him? If he would like to drink something he would tell him!

Before Jonathan could say anything to him, he could hear a soft voice behind him saying his name. Jonathan turned round and then he could see her - Alexandra.

Alexandra was wearing a suit made of blue-black velvet, gleaming softly in the light. Her long brown curls fell over her shoulders and her forehead. Her make-up emphasized her blue-grey eyes and her long eyelashes. A plain slender necklace emphasized her decolleté even more and the dark cherry-coloured tone of her light glittering lipstick made her lips looking sweeter and fuller.

Jonathan gasped. She was so beautiful!

„You look fantastic, Alex.", he whispered and gazed directly into her eyes.

A light smile whisked over Alexandra´s lips.

She didn´t respond and stepped forward that her face was directly in front of him now and she kissed Jonathan softly on his lips. Jonathan could feel her fingertips touching lightly his hands.

„I thank you.", Alexandra whispered, gazed at Jonathan and a light smile whisked over her lips again.

Jonathan swallowed and his fingertips gently stroke her hand, gripping her softly.

For a moment they just gazed at each other and Jonathan could feel his knees giving way while looking into Alexandra´s blue-grey eyes.

„Hey, Folks! What are you standing there! Come on, let´s dance! The band is awesome!", they could hear a female voice shouting behind Alexandra.

A group of young people had passed and had bumped into them. The young woman had gripped Alexandra´s hand and pulled her towards her. Alexandra was surprised but she didn´t resist.

„Come on, Jonathan!", she said with a smile on her face and gripped his hand firmly.

Jonathan was surprised, too but he didn´t say anything and he followed Alexandra into the rear part of the club. For a split second he wondered if Alexandra knew those young people but judging by her looks she didn´t.

The dance floor was already crowded and a band was playing on the big stage.

„Everybody.. needs someboooodyyy to loovee.", the lead singer dashed against the dancing audience, clapping their hands in the offbeat.

Jonathan didn´t resist when Alexandra gripped his hands trying to animate him to dance.

"I need you you you.", he could hear the backing vocals of the band and the young people were singing, too. They danced and pointed with their fingers at each other every time when the word "you" came up.

Alexandra and Jonathan stopped and gazed into each others eyes.

_I need you, Jonathan.´_

_I need you, Alex.´_

Their lips brushed.

Suddenly Alexandra broke out of their touch. They young woman had grabbed Alexandra´s arm and had pulled her over to her friends.

Alexandra laughed and Jonathan watched her dancing, having a light smile on his face. She gazed at him and encouraged him to come over to dance together with her but Jonathan just shook his hand, smiling and clapping his hands in the offbeat.

"Everybody needs somebooody, everybooody needs somebody to looove"

Jonathan smiled again when the young people start to dance a crazy and funny dance and Alexandra joined them.

Suddenly it was getting dark in front of Jonathan´s eyes and he could feel his knees giving way. The saxophones of the band yelled into his ears and every stroke on the snare drum was like a punch into his face.

Suddenly he could see all the pictures again he has seen 12 years ago, in the Central Park, all those pictures, the cheering people, the loud music.

_Alexandra!´_

He could see the tanks again, he could see Alexandra, screaming and whimpering. He could hear the cry of a baby again.

Alexandra laughed and kept on dancing, without looking at Jonathan.

Jonathan was seized with panic now.

_Alexandra!´_

Then, she turned round to Jonathan an when she watched him, Alexandra stopped dancing immediately and her laughter disappeared.

Jonathan was standing in front of her, petrified and she could see the panic and the dispair in his eyes. She didn´t realize the people dancing around her and sometimes bumping into her. Jonathan´s gaze nervously moved around, the music was still yelling into his ears.

Then he could feel Alexandra´s hand, he turned round and gazed into her eyes.

"Come on, let´s get out of here..", she whispered and Jonathan didn´t resist when Alexandra pulled him lightly away from the dance floor, out of the hall to the main entrance.

Then, Alexandra and Jonathan put on their coats and stepped out of the club without saying anything.

_ Wilson Pickett: „Everbody needs somebody (to love)  
_


	20. Cry me a river

**Chapter 20 (Cry me a river)**

Alexandra and Jonathan had stepped out of the club without saying anything and walked over Park Avenue.

Alexandra was confused and angry about herself. She didn´t know what had happened to Jonathan and she was sure it was something bad but she didn´t dare to ask him.

Jonathan was looking at the pavement while walking and he didn´t say a word. It was very cold and he didn´t protest when Alexandra took his arm. She had bought a new coat this afternoon, but it didn´t give her warmth.

_What a stupid idea was it to take him to this club!´_, Alexandra thought and she could feel her eyes filling up with tears because of her anger. _Everything went wrong what could go wrong!´_

She wondered if she just should say good-bye to Jonathan and take a cab home.

_Problably Jonathan wants to be alone anyway and he doesn´t dare to tell me.´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind and she wanted to break away from him, but Jonathan pulled her arm even closer to him that she couldn´t break away anymore.

Alexandra didn´t know where Jonathan wanted to go, but it was obvious that he didn´t want her to go away.

She didn´t know, how long they were walking already. It must have been a couple of minutes but to Alexandra it was like eternity.

_Why doesn´t he tell me, what happened to him?´_, Alexandra thought when Jonathan suddenly walked up to a building.

She wasn´t sure but it only could be Jonathan´s apartment in here – it wasn´t Arkham, this was already clear because the building was too small for an asylum and they even weren´t nearby the Narrows at all. This area here wasn´t Upper East Side either but it´s wasn´t that bad to live here.

_Jonathan, just say something - say anything..´_, Alexandra thought when they stepped into the elevator and Jonathan pressed the knob to the 10th floor.

Oh, the penthouse?

beep..1st floor..

_Jonathan can´t be a poor wretch when he can afford to live in the penthouse.´_, Alexandra thought.

beep..2nd floor..

Jonathan gazed into Alexandra´s eyes without a word.

beep.. beep...

_Oh man, this silence is unbearable!´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

beep.. beep...

„Do you live here, Jonathan?", she finally asked to break up their awkwardness.

beep...

„Yeah.", Jonathan replied in a dry voice and in her thoughts, Alexandra slapped herself.

beep...

_Alexandra, how can you ask such a silly question?´_, she thought. _Of course he lives here!´_

.. dinnnggg!...

The elevator doors slided open and Jonathan and Alexandra stepped out.

She could hear Jonathan pulling the keys out of his pocket and her gaze moved around.

The corridor was decoreated like in a hotel. Paintings were hanging on the walls and a fine cream-coloured carpet extended through the floor. A big wing chair made of leather was placed in the corner with a small table and a golden floor lamp. Besides of the apartment door and a second door declared as emergency exit, Alexandra couldn´t find any other doors on the corridor.

_Indeed, Jonathan lives all alone up here.´_, Alexandra thought when Jonathan opened the door and both stepped into the apartment.

Alexandra was surprised when she watched the apartment. The walls and the carpet were cream-coloured like the corridor outside and paintings of famous artists hanging on the walls again. She could notice a big couch and a chair, both made of black leather, a couch table and a chimney in the wall right in front of her.

_An apartment with a chimney? Wow!´_, Alexandra thought when her gaze continued moving around. She noticed shelves full of books, a small dinette made of dark veined mahagony wood and the kitchen was a open kitchen-living room, also made of dark veined mahagony wood.

The room was bigger than her entire apartment and Alexandra was ashamed of her living conditions. She didn´t possess anything but the clothes on her body – and her weapons.

„You have a very nice apartment, Jon.", Alexandra said while Jonathan helped her to put down her coat.

Jonathan didn´t respond and again there was this awkward silence between them.

„Jonathan, I´m sorry.", Alexandra said finally and gazed at him. „I´m sorry for taking you into this club. It was just a stupid idea."

Jonathan shook his head.

„No, Alex. It´s okay, don´t worry.", he replied and touched her arm. „I just had a long day, that´s all."

„I see.", Alexandra said and sighed lightly.

She could feel that Jonathan was lying at her but she didn´t know why. But probably he was disappointed of her as she was disapponited of herself.

Jonathan took off his glasses, placed them on the countertop of the kitchen and rubbed his eyes.

„Would you mind if I would take a short shower now?", he asked and looked at Alexandra.

„As I already said, I had a long day."

Alexandra was surprised.

„Ehm.. err..no..no..of course not..", she stuttered, shaking her head. „.. just go ahead."

_Why does he ask me for permission to take a shower, it´s his apartment anyway.´_, she thought.

„Just make yourself comfortable.", Jonathan said while pressing a knob on the remote control lying on the countertop and with his head, he pointed at the kitchen . „Take a drink if you want to. I´ll be right back."

With these words Jonathan walked out of the living room, Alexandra gazed after him.

For a moment she was just standing there, startled and confused.

_What´s the matter with him?´_

Only then she noticed that the CD player was switched on and she could hear smooth jazz and a female voice singing. Alexandra´s gaze moved over to a CD jewel case lying next to the remote control on the countertop and she took it into her hands.

„Diana Krall", she could read on the cover.

Alexandra sighed when she could hear the noise of the shower coming out of the other room and she placed the jewel case on the countertop again.

Maybe she should leave while Jonathan was still taking his shower? Or should she undress now and join him?

„Alexandra, don´t goof around.", she said to herself. „You know why you are here."

She sighed again and stepped into the kitchen, her gaze moving over Jonathan´s bar.

American whiskey?

_Oh God, not again! Everything but not american whiskey anymore.´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind when she remembered her hangover that morning.

_Wine? - No!_

_Cognac? - Oh no, distasteful!_

_Irish Cream? - Yeah, why not?_

Alexandra took a glass out of the cupboard, pulled some ice out of the fridge and poured some Irish Cream into the glass.

She could still hear the running shower when she stepped out of the kitchen and walked over to the big windows.

_ „Now you say you're lonely, you cried the long night through.. _

Alexandra gazed out to Gotham Skyline and sipped at the Irish Cream.

_ Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river, I cried a river over you.. _

_Yeah, cry me a a river, Diana.´, Alexandra thought, sipping at the Irish Cream cream again._

Her gaze moved over the skyline.

What to do now? What to tell Jonathan and above all, how to tell Jonathan?

She still wanted to kill him but she also wanted to know, why he had done all this to her. What had driven Jonathan to kill her family? Why didn´t he tried to find her before? And why didn´t he noticed her, there at the Rhine river, when she was standing at the window?

She had so many open questions, questions she couldn´t answer.

Indeed, it was long ago - 12 years - but she couldn´t forget what he has done to her.

On the other hand she could feel something had changed over the last days.

Her world started to change since Jonathan was back in her life again. She started to see a lot of things from another point of view now, she started to realize things se hadn´t realize for such a long time now.

For 12 years she only had the goal to take revenge on Jonathan. For 12 years she had believed that Jonathan was a cold heartless killer, but over the last days she was doubting if she was right at all. For 12 years she had believed to hate Jonathan but now she realized more and more her illusion started to break down – and this would make her personal mission even more difficult.

„You can´t enjoy the view when the light is still on.", she could hear Jonathan´s dark voice saying and the light switched off.

_Arthur Hamilton: „Cry me a river" (sung by Diana Krall)_


	21. Fear

**Chapter 21 (Fear)**

Alexandra startled and for a moment she wasn´t able to move.

She has been so lost in her thoughts she didn´t notice Jonathan coming into the room, lightening a few candles and a small lamp in the kitchen.

She turned round slowly and then she saw Jonathan standing right in front of her.

Jonathan was barefooted and he was wearing nothing but blue jeans. His hair was still damp from the shower and his skin was gleaming in the candlelight. His thick black chest hair clinged to his body and Alexandra could see a drop of water running over his neck down to his chest.

Since he had been back in her life again, Alexandra had seen him wearing suits the entire time. Even when they had made love in the ruins of the cabin yesterday afternoon, she hadn´t seen anything else from him. And now she was getting this view!

Alexandra noticed something around Jonathan´s neck and for a split second she had no idea what is was. But then she knew - it was her necklace. The necklace she had given to Jonathan such a long time ago.

_Oh my god, he´s still wearing it! Or does he wear it again after a long time?´_

Alexandra gasped and she could feel a shiver running down her back. She hadn´t expected to see Jonathan like this.

Jonathan gazed directly into her eyes. She could feel him taking the glass with the Irish Cream out of her hand and putting it on the countertop, keeping an eye on Alexandra the entire time.

_Oh dammit! Alex, pull yourself together! This guy will try to seduce you!´_, flashed through her mind when she could feel Jonathan´s hands on her hips.

Did he fooled her the entire time just to bring her here, to be alone with her? It was obvious he wanted to surprise her somehow – and he had been successful!

_Clever Jon, very clever.´, _Alexandra thought. _But it´s the wrong time for it now!´_

„Jon, listen, we should..", Alexandra whispered when he gripped her hips and pulled her lightly towards him, his face right in front of her now.

"Shh.. Alex..", Jonathan interrupted her and she could feel him placing her hands on his chest.

The last time she saw him like this was 12 years ago and she could remember him having a fluff on his chest. She also remembered her thought of Jonathan having a '_well-haired_' chest when he was older.

_Oh, I always imagined it like this. Jonathan, you didn´t promised too much.´_, Alexandra thought while her fingers were running through Jonathan´s thick chest hair.

_Damn it Alex, pull yourself together! You have to talk to Jon, you can´t fuck him now!´_, she could hear her inner voice shouting when she noticed how excited she was now.

Alexandra could feel Jonathan moving lightly to the rhythm of the music, trying to lead her.

She couldn´t believe it! Now they were even dancing! In the club he was prudish like a churchy man and now he was mutating into a casanova!

Jonathan´s lips brushed hers and he geazed deeply into her eyes.

„ Now you say you love me.. Well, just to prove that you do.. Cry me a river.."

_Shit! Diana, in what are you involving me!´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind when she could feel Jonathan´s lips on her mouth, pushing his tongue softly between her lips.

_Alex, I want you. Can´t you feel it?´_

How long did he waited to feel her again! His whole body yearned for her.

Alexandra could hear Jonathan moaning softly and a shiver ran down her back when the tips of their tongues touched lightly and Jonathan started to explore her.

_Oh man, he can kiss so damn well, he always could.´_, Alexandra thought when she could feel Jonathan´s hands moving over her abdomen up to her breasts, slipping softly the jacket of her suit over her shoulders.

Alexandra´s jacket fell down to the floor.

Jonathan and Alexandra gazed into each others eyes, panting lightly.

Jonathan looked at her blouse and his fingertips moved slowly over Alexandra´s breast. The blouse was transparent and her black bra gleamed lightly through the fabric. This view excited Jonathan even more. He pulled Alexandra towards him a bit more and started to kiss her softly again, first on her mouth then on her cheeks and her neck.

Alexandra could feel Jonathan pressing against her and she felt his excitation on her body.

„Jon.. Jon, wait a minute..", she whispered, panting, trying to push Jonathan lightly away from her.

No, she couldn´t allow this to happen now no matter how badly she wanted Jonathan!

_Resist, Alex! Resist!´_, her inner voice shouted.

„Come on, Alex.", Jonathan murmured into her neck and kissed his way all up to her mouth."I know you want me."

Before Alexandra even could say anything, he was kissing her again.

_Oh Alex, I want you so badly and I want you now!´_, flashed through Jonathan´s mind, pressing his body firmer against Alexandra.

_„Then be a man and not a mouse!"_, Scarecrow shouted suddenly. _„She´s here, so take her like a man!"_

Alexandra could feel Jonathan´s grip getting firmer and suddenly she felt uncomfortable by his touches.

_„No, leave her alone!"_, Jonathan screamed when Scarecrow came out of his dark corner, trying to press himself forward.

„Jon, please. I´m serious. Let me go!", Alexandra said while he was kissing her neck and she could hear her voice getting louder, but Jonathan didn´t care at all.

Now Alexandra tried to push Jonathan away from her when she realized his grip getting harder and his kisses rough and demanding. Pictures of bad memories flashed through Alexandra´s mind and she could feel the fear welling up inside her.

„Jon, let me go!", she shouted again and her resistance augmented but Jonathan grabbed her hard and pressed his lips on her mouth, so firm that it started to hurt her.

_„Oh, I can feel it! I can feel she´s scared! I can even smell her fear!"_, Scarecrow panted and pressed himself forward more and more while Jonathan tried to hold him back in his dispair.

_„No, don´t hurt her, leave her alone!"_, Jonathan yelled, pressing against Scarecrow as good as he could.

_„You don´t want to take her like a man, don´t you!"_, Scarecrow shouted and laughed aloud when he finally broke through Jonathan´s barrier. _"Alright. I´ll do it for you!"_

"Jonathan, no!", Alexandra screamed and tears were filling her eyes but Scarecrow just laughed when his hand ripped at her blouse and her black bra came to light.

Somehow Alexandra managed to break away from Jonathan and she rushed forward to the main door, but Scarecrow could grab her and pushed her violently against the appartment´s door. Both hit the door with a big noise, panting heavily.

„Shhhhh... shhhh..", Scarecrow whispered after he had pushed Alexandra´s body forcefully against the door.

Her face was pressing against the door, Scarecow behind her. Again, Alexandra tried to push Jonathan away but she was too weak.

„Oh my God, Jonathan...", Alexandra panted and she could feel her tears running down her face. „What are you doing?"

„Shhh.. shhh..", Scarecrow whispered again, kissing Alexandra´s shoulders and neck. „Stay calm. I want to help you. There is nothing to fear.."

Alexandra was seized with panic.

„Jon...Jonathan..!... what.. what are you talking about? What the hell is wrong with you!"

„Noooo!", Scarecrow giggled, grabbing Alexandra´s breast with one hand, squeezing it hard. „Not Jonathan..."


	22. The Lost Child

**Chapter 22 (The Lost Child)**

Before Alexandra could say anything, Scarecrow flipped her round, kissing her forcefully and wildly on her mouth. Alexandra wanted to scream but his kiss hindered her. She struggled up as much as she could but Jonathan kept his hard grip on her.

Then Alexandra managed it to ram her knee into Jonathan´s genitals and he let her go with a loud grunt. Alexandra rushed forward again, but Scarecrow was still holding her wrist. Alexandra could do only a few steps the she stumbled and both fell down to the ground, between the dinette and the black leather couch.

Alexandra struggled as much as she could when Scarecrow kneeled over her, pinning down her wrists forcefully.

„I see, you want to be a little wildcat now, huh?", Scarecrow shouted with an big smirk on his face and for the first time, Alexandra could see something in Jonathan´s eyes she never has seen in them before. Something cold, something evil.

„Scarecrow, stop it, stop it!", Jonathan yelled in his despair, jerking at Scarecrow´s thin strawy shoulder to pull him away from Alexandra but Scarecrow just laughed.

„Jonathan, no!", Alexandra whimpered and she cried even more when he started to kiss and bite her neck wildly. 

Alexandra was still struggling when Scarecrow kept ripping on her blouse and pulled it over her shoulders.

„Go away from her, leave her alone!", Jonathan yelled and jerked again at Scarecrow´s shoulder.

And then he stopped.

Scarecrow was gone.

Jonathan now stared at Alexandra´s body. He couldn´t move and he felt as if he was paralyzed.

He could see a big ugly scar running across Alexandra´s right shoulder right down to her breast.

Alexandra panted, closed her eyes and tried to fight the next flood of tears rising inside her.

"Who has done this to you?", Jonathan whispered and he could feel himself chocked with emotion.

His hands were trembling when his fingers moved over Alexandra´s scar, over the strap of her bra. He didn´t dare to pull it down to touch the rest of the scar.

"Alexandra, who has done this to you?", Jonathan asked again and touched her arms.

"Jonathan, please..", she begged and closed her eyes as firm as she could just not to have to look at him.

"Alex...", Jonathan said again and she didn´t resist when he pulled her up softly towards him so she could straighten. ".. tell me.."

Jonathan kneeled between her stretched legs and took her face into his hands. Alexandra opened her eyes and she could feel tears running down her face again.

"What happened to you? Who has done this to you?", Jonathan panted in a trembling voice and he could hear his voice getting louder.

He gazed into Alexandra´ s eyes read with tears and suddenly he was overcome by misgiving.

"I got raped, Jonathan.", Alexandra finally whispered, her voice choked with tears and her whole body was trembling. "I got raped and hurt on my shoulder. I got raped by three men when I was pregnant. I have lost the child, Jonathan... I have lost our child."

For a split second Jonathan couldn´t move. Alexandra´s words were still echoing in his head.

_I have lost the child, Jonathan... I have lost our child .´_

Jonathan could feel himself trembling. Suddenly he had the feeling that someone or something would grab his throat and tears were filling up his eyes.

"Oh God.. oh my God...!", Jonathan panted, gasping for air.

He let go Alexandra and started to move away from her body, keeping an eye on her the entire time. Without saying anything, Alexandra could see tears running down his face while he stared at her, his eyes widened, shocked and startled as if he had seen a ghost. 

„No..no..!", Jonathan whispered over and over again when he moved backwards, away from Alexandra. Finally he pressed his upper body against the wall behind him and he could hear his voice getting louder.

He could see a storm of pictures in front of his eyes, all those pictures he had seen in the park 12 years ago, all those pictures he had seen in the club, all those pictures he had seen in his dream last night: the tanks, the destruction, Alexandra screaming and whimpering, the blood, the knife, he could hear the screams and he could see a baby, he could see a crying baby. He could feel the racking pain in his body and suddenly he could see three men in front of his inner eye, raping Alexandra. He could see the knife stabbing deeply into her right shoulder and he could feel the pain inside him.

Jonathan screamed, now crying bitterly. He drew up his legs close to his body and his arms clasped round his legs. 

For a split second Alexandra wasn´t able to move and just watched Jonathan rocking back and forth in fast movements, his head hitting the wall of the living-room over and over again. He was still crying. Then, Alexandra was torn of her lethargy.

"Oh Jonathan, no... don´t!", she said softly, got on to her knees and crawled over to Jonathan.

Jonathan didn´t react and kept on rocking back and forth, still crying. 

"Jonathan..shhhhh.. don´t..", Alexandra whispered and touched him.

She could feel tears running down her face again.

"Oh God, Alex!", Jonathan shouted and his eyes red with tears gazed at Alexandra.  
_  
Oh, Jonathan. What have I done! What have I done to you?´_

Alexandra forgot what had happened just a minute ago. Whatever had come over him, whatever had happened to him just a second ago, Jonathan didn´t have this evil, cold something in his eyes anymore that had scared her that much. It was him again - Jonathan, this Jonathan she knew. This Jonathan, she loved.

And it was this Jonathan, now crouching in front of her, despaired, crying, shocked after getting the message of their lost child. And she knew that he needed her now - and she realized that she needed him, too - more than anything else, more than she could ever confess before.

Jonathan twined his arms round Alexandra and pressed his head against her breasts. She was kneeling between his stretched legs, pressing him against her and she could feel his wet tears on her skin.

„Forgive me, Alex. Please forgive me.", she could hear Jonathan whispering while she was kissing his hair.

She took his face into her hands again and gazed directly into his eyes.

„Jonathan, what are you talking about?", she whispered, her voice choked with tears.

„I wish I could have been with you. I might have prevented this from happening to you.", Jonathan said in a trembling voice and tears were running down his face again."Forgive me that I wasn´t there to protect you."

„Oh Jonathan...", Alexandra whispered and shook her head when she watched him starting to cry bitterly again.

She moved her hand softly over his cheek and his hair.

„Love, no..", she whispered, pressing Jonathan against her again and for a split second she could see him standing at the Rhine river again. „You couldn´t have done anything and I wouldn´t have endured it to have you there watching it all."

She took his face into her hands again, looking at Jonathan.

„Jonathan, can you ever forgive me that I have lost our child?", Alexandra said and she could feel a stitch in her heart while saying this.

She felt so guilty and she had asked herself for so many times, if the rape and the lost of her child had been all her fault, if she would have been able to avoid it somehow.

Jonathan looked at Alexandra. Now he took her face into his hands, too, shaking his head lightly while looking at her.

„Oh Alex...", Jonathan whispered. „Alex..."

Alexandra couldn´t say anything because Jonathan started to press his lips on to her mouth and both could taste each other´s salty tears.

_Jon... Jon...´_

Alexandra started to kiss the tears away from Jonathan´s face. She kissed his forehead, his cheeks, she kissed his neck. Jonathan closed his eyes and she covered his eyelids with kisses. She moved all over his face, covering it with short kisses and she whispered his name over and over again.

Jonathan didn´t resist when Alexandra covered his lips with short kisses and he returned them.

„Jonathan..", Alexandra whispered and their lips finally hit in a long hot fervent kiss.

Jonathan could feel Alexandra´s tongue, demanding, demanding more and her embrace became firmer.

Jonathan gazed into Alexandra´s eyes, touching softly the fabric of her blouse. He took off her blouse gently and her black lace-bra came to light. Alexandra didn´t resist when Jonathan took off her bra carefully. She could feel tears filling her eyes again while Jonathan watched at her long scar on her shoulder. She moved her hand over it to hide it but Jonathan gazed at Alexandra and without a word he touched her hand and pulled it softly away from her scar. Then he bent forward and started to cover her scar with kisses.

Alexandra closed her eyes and leaned back her head when Jonathan kissed her neck and her hands clinged to his hair.

Jonathan and Alexandra embraced each other firmly, they could feel each other´s heartbeat and both knew they have found each other again over the mourning for their lost child, no matter how much their past burdened them.


	23. The briefcase

**Chapter 23 (The briefcase)**

It was in the middle of the night when Alexandra woke up.

Jonathan was laying on his side, Alexandra behind him, her arm twined around him. She could feel him holding her hand and she could see his chest raising and falling regularly.

Jonathan was sleeping.

They had made love last night. After they had clasped each other in their arms, crying and kissing, Jonathan had taken Alexandra in his arms and had carried her into the bedroom.

Both had tears in their eyes when they were making love. It was not about the sex or the physical desire. Both rather felt the need to be close to each other as much as possible, physically as well as mentally, to mourn for their lost child in their own way.

Both had fallen asleep, exhausted by their act of love.

Later then, Jonathan had waken up, screaming after having a nightmare and Alexandra had clasped him in her arms, holding him, caressing him until he had fallen asleep again. Alexandra had waken up screaming, too and Jonathan had consoled her as well.

In the last few years of her life, Alexandra had a lot of nightmares, waking up screaming in the night but no one had been there, who would have embraced her and consoled her.

Tonight, everything was different.

She had other plans for that evening but though it had happened more than she even could dream of. Jonathan now knew of their child and although it has ripped Alexandra´s heart into pieces to see Jonathan that hurt, she was glad that she finally could tell him. She had carried her guilt inside her for such a long time and she couldn´t talk to no one about her feelings for so many years. It has been a release to her telling the father of her child, telling Jonathan what happened.

Alexandra could feel Jonathan´s warm body and she inhaled the sweet scent of his soft skin.

Wonderful Jonathan.´, Alexandra thought when she kissed him softly on his shoulder while releasing carefully out of his grip.

Then she got out of the bed and put on the Kimono hanging on the peg next to the door. She couldn´t see very much because of the dark but her fingertips and her skin could sense the silky fabric of the Kimono when Alexandra sneaked out of the bedroom into the living-room.

The moon was full that night and it was shining bright through the big windows of the living-room. Alexandra gazed at Gotham Skyline, which was still illuminated.

This city doesn´t seem to sleep at all.´, she thought when she stepped into the kitchen.

Alexandra could feel herself getting thirsty and she decided to have a glass of water.

She gripped the glass with the Irish Cream still standing on the countertop, washed it out over the rising sink and filled the glass with water.

Alexandra was sighing lightly when the water moistened her lips and throat.

She closed her eyes for a moment then she gazed at Gotham Skyline again, lost in her thoughts.

Alexandra passed in review yesterday evening.

She thought about what she was about to do actually. She wanted to meet Jonathan to talk about everything. Instead of this, he first had been that strange and distant. And then he suddenly was standing right in front of her, in his jeans, in a damn tempting way! And it had been so difficult for her not to lose control!

And then he was dancing with her and he smelled so good and he kissed so damn well.. and suddenly he had been so different, so impetuous, so brutal. It wasn´t the same like 12 years ago and it was different compared to their reunion in the cabin, too. Yes, their act of love in the cabin was a wild one but also a very passionate one. What had happened yesterday evening had been something completely different, something what had terrified her so much.

And then he was different again, so shocked when he was looking at her scar, so hurt when she had told him about their lost child – he had been so full of pain, so vulnerable.. and he was so beautiful in his pain. And she had realized, how much she needed him! And she had realized as well, that he wasn´t what she was thinking of him the entire time.

He wasn´t a cold-hearted monster. He wasn´t the ignorant, arrogant man she had seen in the court and in the parking-garage.

He wasn´t the callous lover, taking a woman in a way Alexandra has experienced so many times being together with other men in the past. She still could feel Jonathan inside her, she could still feeling him entering her softly when they made love last night.

„Don´t move.", he had whispered while kissing her softly.

Alexandra had panted „I want to move." and she had implored him, she had implored for more. But Jonathan had whispered again „Don´t move." and in this way he gave her more lust and ecstasy than any man in her life even could before.

No, he wasn´t that man at all she have had in her mind for 12 years. The man, she wanted to take revenge on, the man she wanted to kill the last 12 years.

She now realized – and she has realized as well that she couldn´t do that anymore she was going to do actually.

„I can´t kill him anymore.", Alexandra whispered to herself, staring at Gotham Skyline while her fingers were moving over the countertop.

Suddenly she could feel something pushing against her hand. Alexandra looked down and noticed a briefcase laying on the countertop.

_How strange, was it there before?´_, Alexandra thought while her fingertips moved over the smooth surface of the briefcase._I haven´t noticed that case at all.´_

Again, her thoughts ranged to Jonathan and Alexandra imagined her fingertips not moving over that briefcase but over Jonathan´s well-haired chest.

_Oh man, his chest-hair, mmmmmhhh...´_, Alexandra thought and closed her eyes, sighing lightly.

Suddenly she could feel something rough under her fingertips. Alexandra opened her eyes again and looked down to the briefcase. Her fingers were now laying on something hanging out of the briefcase.

„Oh, what is this?", Alexandra whispered, placed down the glass of water on the countertop, bending he head over the briefcase. It was too dark to see details but Alexandra didn´t want to switch on the lights nor making noise as she didn´t want to wake up Jonathan.

Alexandra examined the briefcase. Something was definitely hanging out of it, like being jammed between the two shells. Alexandra tried to open the clasps but they were locked. Her fingers touched this something again, trying to pull it out a bit more off the briefcase but it didn´t work. It was a kind of fabric but a very rough and scratchy one.

_What can this be?´_, Alexandra thought, knitting her brows while her fingertips were rubbing over the fabric.

It wasn´t cotton. It felt more like linen, but like very rough linen. It felt like...

Suddenly Alexandra could feel something grabbing her right shoulder.

She startled, screaming aloud and flipped round. Alexandra sighed in relief when she saw Jonathan standing in front of her.

„Alex? Is everything okay?", Jonathan asked in a soft voice.

Alexandra could feel her heart throbbing like crazy.

„Jonathan! Good Lord! You scared me to death!", she panted, placing her hand over her throbbing heart, gasping for air.

Only now she realized that Jonathan was naked and his skin was gleaming in the moonlight.

„Oh, I´m sorry..", Jonathan said in a low voice while stroking Alexandra´s hair. „I didn´t mean to do this."

Alexandra didn´t say anything and kissed Jonathan.

„Is everything okay with you?", Jonathan asked again.

„Ye.. yeah..", Alexandra stuttered, pointing with her head at the glass standing next to her on the countertop.

She was now standing in a way Jonathan couldn´t see the briefcase.

„I was thirsty and I couldn´t sleep..", she started. „I don´t know.. I´m a bit nervous. Maybe it´s because of the moon."

Jonathan smiled lightly and placed his hands on Alexandra´s hips.

„Well, I think I have a very good medicine against insomnia and nervousness..", he murmured while pulling Alexandra softly towards him and she could hear a tempting, even seductive undertone in his dark voice.

Their lips brushed and Jonathan gazed into Alexandra´s eyes.

„Come back to bed.", he whispered and before Alexandra could respond he had already taken her in his arms.

Alexandra smiled, twined her arms around Jonathan´s neck and their lips hit in a soft kiss.

Jonathan carried her back into the bedroom, kissing her and Alexandra didn´t think of the scratchy fabric anymore, hanging out of Jonathan´s briefcase.


	24. Going out of Gotham?

**Chapter 24 (Going out of Gotham?)**

„Good morning, little sleepy-head.", she could hear Jonathan´s soft voice at her ear when Alexandra opened her eyes.

Jonathan was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling lightly. He was wearing dark blue pants and a white shirt. The shirt was still hanging over his pants and Jonathan started to button it up.

„Good morning.", Alexandra whispered, straightened up and kissed Jonathan shortly.

He placed his arms around her neck, pulled her toward him and kissed her softly. Alexandra´s fingers ran through his hair and she could feel it still damp from the shower Jonathan had taken.

„What time is it?", Alexandra finally asked, stretching a bit while looking at Jonathan.

„It´s 8:30.", Jonathan said, stood up and started to stuff the shirt into his pants. „Sadly I´m late. I have to go to work."

„No problem.", Alexandra responded, looking up at Jonathan. „Would you mind if I´d take a shower?"

Jonathan shook his head and smiled.

„Of course not.", he said. „I have arranged a few things for you in the bathroom. I´ll do some coffee for us while you´re taking a shower, agreed?"

„Oh yeah, coffee sounds good.", Alexandra responded and smiled lightly.

„Okay.", Jonathan muttered, bended down to Alexandra and kissed her shortly then he walked out of the bedroom.

Alexandra sighed, folded back the blanket, got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. She was amazed when she was seeing what Jonathan has prpeared.

Jonathan had layed her clothes in order on the sideboard and next to the big wash-basin he had placed two big towels and a toothbrush, still packed up in its original packaging.

_Jonathan really didn´t forgot anything.´_, Alexandra thought when she turned on the water in the big shower cubicle. _And a toothbrush? Having my toothbrush here in his apartment? Is it about to get serious now?´_

Alexandra pushed her thought away when she stepped into the shower and closed the doors of the shower cubicle behind her.

Alexandra could smell the freshly made coffee when she closed the last button of her blouse and stepped out of the bedroom. She had hurried up not to let Jonathan wait needlessly. Probably he had his duties as a doctor in Arkham and she didn´t want to be the reason that he would get late to work.

Jonathan poured the coffee into two big cups when Alexandra walked through the living-room over to the open kitchen. He glanced up and smiled lightly.

„Have you found everything you needed?", he asked in a low voice when he put down the coffee-pot and placed milk and sugar on the countertop.

„Oh yes. Thank you very much, Jonathan.", Alexandra answered and adjusted her blouse.

It was lightly torn on one side and Alexandra was aware, what and who was the cause for it.

„Alex, I´m sorry about the blouse.", Jonathan whispered and sighed.

She could see the embarrassment in Jonathan´s eyes but she didn´t say anything, bended forward and kissed Jonathan shortly.

„It´s okay.", she responded and gripped her cup with the coffee.

No, it was not okay! Something had happened to Jonathan yesterday evening and she wanted to know what was the reason for it but Alexandra knew, she wouldn´t find it out now. Jonathan wouldn´t answer her questions now.

„Alex.", Jonathan started and put down his cup back on the countertop.

He was gazing into her eyes, when she sipped at her coffee.

She could sense how Jonathan was looking for the right words and just in this moment she realized that his briefcase was not laying on the countertop anymore but was standing now on the floor next to the fridge. There was nothing to be seen of the scratchy fabric anymore, Alexandra had found last night.

„I... I.. there are so may things I want to tell you.", she could hear Jonathan saying in a low voice and he touched her arm. „Do you think we could..?"

„What, Jonathan?", Alexandra asked and looked up.

Jonathan took a deep breath.

„Alex, I want to get out of Gotham with you. I mean, I´d like to go out for a trip with you."

„A trip?", Alexandra asked and she was surprised when she heard that.

„Umm.. yeah. I´d like to spend some time together with you, I want to talk to you, about everything, about us..but not here in Gotham.", Jonathan finally said and she could hear his voice trembling. „And besides of this, there´s something I want to show you. Would you go with me to another place, Alex? Maybe for a couple of days?"

Alexandra swallowed. Yes, she wanted to talk to Jonathan but somehow she didn´t expect him wanting to do a trip to the country with her.

„Would you?", Jonathan asked and Alexandra could see in his eyes he was fearing she would say No´.

Alexandra placed her cup on the countertop, twined her arms around Jonathan´s neck, pulled him lightly toward her and kissed him softly. Jonathan returned her kiss and embraced her.

„Is this a Yes´?", Jonathan murmured when he could see a light smile on Alexandra´s face.

„This sounds good.", she whispered. „Yes, Jonathan. I´d love to go with you somewhere else."

_Everything, but just out of Gotham!´_, Alexandra thought. _No Jane Deveraux, no Falcone, no dark, cold apartment, so stinking gutters – just get out of here and the best is to go out with you, Jonathan!´_

Jonathan smiled.

„How about today in the afternoon?", he asked in a low voice.

„This sounds good.", Alexandra responded, smiling lightly and Jonathan bended over to Alexandra to kiss her again.

Suddenly he paused.

„Oh no, dammit!", Jonathan shouted and placed his hand on his forehead.

Alexandra looked at him, surprised.

„I´m sorry, we can´t go today at all! My substitution Dr. Stone has his day-off today. His sister is going to marry and I´m working alone at Arkham. I completely forgot that!", Jonathan sighed and he could feel, how embarrassed he was because of being so fidgety.

_First you´re doing such a drama and then you can´t go at all.´_, Jonathan thought and mentally he slapped himself. _You´re a miserable planner, Jonathan Thomas Crane.´_

Alexandra grinned and pulled him toward her again.

„Well, then you should be hard-working at Arkham today that we can go tomorrow.", she whispered with a big smile on her face and before Jonathan could say anything, she kissed him again. „I have to take care of a few things today anyway."

Jonathan smiled but he didn´t dare to ask Alexandra what else she was doing when she wasn´t together with him. For some reason she still didn´t tell him where she had been all these years or what was the reason for her return to Gotham. She didn´t asked him either what he has done to her family and he wasn´t sure if she knew about it at all.

But Jonathan knew he would have to talk about it, even if this would be difficult. He wanted to talk about it, he was ready to do so and he was glad that Alexandra said Yes´ to his idea driving out to another place, to get out of Gotham for some time.

Jonathan pulled Alexandra toward him and kissed her long and tender.

„Do you want me to drive you somewhere now?", he whispered and gazed into her eyes.

„Oh no, Jon, you´re getting too late to work!", Alexandra responded smiling and he knew she was right. „I´ll take a cab."

„Alright.", Jonathan said and nodded.

Both had a drop of coffee again before Jonathan placed the cups into the rinsing sink.

He helped Alexandra to put on her coat, gripped his briefcase and kissed Alexandra again before both stepped out of Jonathan´s apartment.


	25. The decision

**Chapter 25 (The Decision)**

Jonathan had attended Alexandra down to the street to wait for a cab together with her.

He softly kissed her good-bye before Alexandra got into the cab, then he walked back to the building´s garage to drive to Arkham Asylum in his Jaguar.

„Where to go, Miss?", the taxi driver asked and turned round to Alexandra.

„453, Westmore Road, please.", she responded and the cab started to move.

Firstly, Alexandra wanted to drive back to her apartment to change her clothes and then to think about, what she wanted to take care of today.

She could still feel Jonathan´s lips on hers and she could still feel his touches when the cab drove counter to the rays of light of the morning sun twinkling through the grey buildings of Gotham City. The cab drove off down the street and Alexandra could see the glittering water of Gotham River right in front of her. It was coloured in a mix of red and orange by the morning sun.

„Excuse me, could you please stop the car?", Alexandra said and bended forward to the taxi driver.

He nodded and stopped the car at the curb.

„Thank you but I´ve changed my mind.", Alexandra said, paid the fare and got out of the cab.

The driver nodded at her to say good-bye when Alexandra closed the door of the cab and walked over to Gotham River, over to the promenade. Suddenly she felt the need to get some fresh air and to watch the beautiful morning sun and the glittering water.

Alexandra sighed when her gaze moved over the water and she twinkled into the still warming autumn sun. Again, this was something she never had noticed before! Suddenly she realized how much her world had changed since yesterday evening. How much _she_ had changed! And she knew, the reason for it was Jonathan.

How cold and how full of hatred she had been when she had arrived in Gotham days ago. How cynical she had been all her life without allowing herself to feel anything.

She had kept closed all doors to her heart over the last years. And now Alexandra had realized that Jonathan had found again the key to her heart even if he might not have been aware of it.

Alexandra was smiling lightly, still being in her thoughts of Jonathan when she noticed a small plump man standing next to her. He was wearing beige and olive-green colored clothes and a green cap. The man was holding binoculars in his hand, observing something on the water.

Alexandra looked over to find out what the man was looking at and she could see something long and dark on one of the wooden piles rising above Gotham River.

The man noticed Alexandra´s interest and passed the binoculars round to her.

„Here, take a look.", he said in a calm, light squeaking voice – a voice which didn´t really fit to his physique.

Alexandra hesitated for a moment then she gripped the binoculars and looked through them.

„Right in front of you on the wooden pile.", she could hear the man saying while she adjusted the binoculars.

Now, Alexandra could see what this black thing on the pile was. It was a bird. A big bird with long thin legs. His feathers were black and Alexandra noticed big white stripes on the sides of his body. He had white and red spots on the cheeks, his eyes were piercing blue and his head was topped with a crown of stiff golden feathers. Alexandra never had seen such a bird before.

"Balearica pavonina.", the man responded when Alexandra kept on looking through the binoculars. "Uhm.. excuse me?", Alexandra asked, rising her eyebrows when she returned the binoculars to the man. 

She didn´t have any idea, what the guy was talking about.

"Balearica pavonina.", the man said again and with his head, he pointed at the black bird on the pile. "This is the Latin name for the black crowned crane." "A crane?", Alexandra asked surprised and in her thoughts she had to smile because she had Jonathan in her mind right away when she heard the word crane´. "Yes.", the man responded, having a big smile from one ear to the other. "And do you know what is so great? The black crowned crane lives in Africa. And now we have a specimen living in freedom here in Gotham, how great is this?" 

Alexandra frowned.

_So, this beautiful bird is completely at the wrong place here in Gotham? Well, this is what he has in common with Jonathan. He´s beautiful, too and at the wrong place here in Gotham as well.´_, Alexandra thought.

"Wait a minute.", she said. "If this bird is at home in Africa, what is he doing here then?" "I don´t know.", the man responded and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he decamped out of Gotham Zoo... but look at him, isn´t he beautiful?" 

Alexandra looked at the black crane and the bird was gazing into her direction with his blue eyes as if he would gaze directly at her.

"Indeed, he is.", she responded and again, she thought of Jonathan. 

_He could be a black crowned crane as well with his black hair and his blue eyes just the crown would be missing.´_

Alexandra was torn of her thoughts when she could hear the man´s voice again.

"Did you know that those birds are living permanently in monogamy? They retire in pairs for brooding time.", he said with a big smile on his face. "They even brood their offspring together!" 

Alexandra shook her head.

"Umm.. no.", she responded subdued. 

_Permanent monogamy? Brooding time? Brood the offspring together?´_, she thought and suddenly she had to think of the necklace, she had given to Jonathan. The one he had weared around his neck yesterday evening.

Did he put it on just to seduce Alexandra? Or was he wearing it all over the years, although believing that she was dead?

_If Jonathan is about to show the same characteristics the crane has then I´ll get in serious trouble.´_, Alexandra thought while putting her hands into the outer pockets of her coat.

She could feel her cell phone in her left pocket but there was something else, too. It felt like paper and it felt like being attached to her cell phone. Alexandra pulled the phone out of her pocket and she wasn´t listening to the man anymore who kept on telling about the living space of the black crowned crane.

She noticed a slip of paper being jammed between the two wings of her cell phone. She flipped it open carefully and pulled out the slip of paper. It was folded and Alexandra put the phone back into the pocket of her coat before she unfolded the slip of paper.

She could recognize Jonathan´s handwriting.

Having the good fortune of loving someone so much as you only have once in your life.

I love you, Alexandra Wentzler.

Jonathan T. Crane´ 

Alexandra gasped and she looked at Gotham River in front of her. For a split second she couldn´t believe what she was reading there.

_My God, that´s not possible! He´s still wearing this necklace and he still knows what he had told me 12 years ago!´_, Alexandra thought while looking at the black crane again, still standing on his wooden pile and suddenly those three words were echoing in her head.

These three words she never believed to speak them aloud again. But last night she had to confess at herself for the first time, that these three words had come to life inside her again and now they wanted to come out, out of her mouth, those three words.

"I love you..", Alexandra whispered, staring at the slip of paper while saying again "I love you.", this time even louder. 

Then Alexandra looked up again looking at Gotham River, at the sun glittering on the water, at this beautiful black crane still standing on his wooden pile, looking at her and Alexandra´s heart gushed over when she shouted:

"I love you! I love you Jonathan Thomas Crane!" 

The man put his binoculars down and lookd over to Alexandra, smiling lightly.

Alexandra swallowed and suddenly she realized, what she actually said.

"It looks like you have your own crane you want to take care of, don´t you?", the man asked in a soft voice and his smile got wider and wider. 

Alexandra had to smile, too.

"Yeah.", she whispered and looked down to the papaer again, sighing lightly. 

Yes, she would take care of her crane and suddenly she knew what she had to do.

Alexandra gripped into the breast-pocket of her coat but she couldn´t find what she was looking for.

_Damn, I have it in the other coat!´_, Alexandra thought and sighed.

"Doesn´t matter, I know where I have to go.", she said in a low voice when she said good-bye to the man and to the beautiful black crane when she ran back to the street. 


	26. The deal

**Chapter 26 (The Deal)**

Rachel Dawes was bothered.

She was in the office for two hours now and she was already wishing the day would end soon again. She had passed the last days being angry about what had happened to her in the court. She had been angry about Judge Faden´s decision to move Victor Zsaz into Arkham Asylum. She had been angry about Dr. Jonathan Crane, the corrupt director of Arkham Asylum who was responsible for the fact, that thugs and murderers like Victor Zsaz were declared as insanes and not as criminals.

_And the way how this guy was talking to me.´_, Rachel thought puffing when she walked through the corridor of the D.A. department. _He was treatnening me as if I were an idiot. And all this in front of Carl.´_

Oh, and of course she was angry about her boss, Carl Finch.

Rachel knew, he only wanted the best for her. He wanted to protect her in his own way. She knew, he was right with his comment, that Carmine Falcone had bought and paid for half the city. She also knew that Carl still had strong feelings for her even though they weren´t a couple any more for a long time – but for sake, was this reason enough to compromise her work!

_I will tell him to let me do my work! Ill show him this and then I´ll tell Carl how much does it bother me to be treatened like this by him!´_, Rachel thought and took a short glance at the files in her hand when she approached to the office of her boss Carl Finch.

She walked through the office of Carl´s secretary, Sarah, which was a through room leading to his office.

Rachel noticed the door to his office was wide opened and she stepped in without knocking at the door or doing anything else to draw attention to herself.

„I need you to take a look at this.", Rachel said and placed a part of the files, still holding them in her hands on Carl´s desk.

Carl was writing something and he didn´t looked up when Rachel placed the files on his desk. Rachel turned round and stepped back, having the intent to complain to him about his behaviour towards her and towards her work.

_Damn, shall I tell him now or not?´_, Rachel thought and for a split second, she was thinking to leave the office without any word when she could hear Carl´s voice.

„Have you seen him yet?", Carl asked, still looking down to his documents.

„Who?", Rachel asked surprised and turned round, completely torn of her thoughts.

„Wayne.", Carl responded, looked up and gazed at Rachel. „It´s been all over the news. He´s back."

For a moment Rachel couldn´t move and just gazed at Carl.

_Oh my god... Bruce ... Bruce Wayne..´_, Rachel thought and suddenly her intent to talk to Carl was completely unimportant.

The message, that Bruce, the man she loved secretly, the man who was gone for so many years, the man who was now back again, was a blow to her and now Rachel wasn´t able at all to thing straight forward. In her thoughts she was telling Bruce´s name over and over again when Rachel turned round and stepped out of Carl´s office without saying a word.

She walked through Sarah´s office, out on the corridor again. She didn´t hear her colleague calling Rachel´s name when she walked over to the files archives at the end of the corridor. Rachel opened the door with shaking hands, stepped into the room and locked the door.

She was gasping for air and her body was trembling when she clinged to the shelf standing on the other side of the room, placing the files she was still holding in her hands.

„Oh God.", she whispered to herself. „Bruce. Bruce is back again. But how...how is this..?"

She didn´t came further as suddenly she could feel something grabbing her. Rachel startled and she wanted to scream but something covered her mouth. She couldn´t resist when she got flipped away from the shelf and pressed with her back against the wall next to her.

Now Rachel could see the contures of a face and she gazed into deep blue-grey eyes. She could feel a hand covering her mouth and another hand pressing her firmly against the wall. Rachel tried to break away but the person was stonger than she was.

Her eyes were widened, being in a shock when she could hear a voice speaking.

„Rachel, try to calm down.", the voice said but the face was too close in front of her to realize who the person was. „I won´t harm you, but stop struggeling."

Rachel obeyed and she stopped resisting.

„Okay.", the voice said softy, but Rachel could hear it trembling. „Will you promise me not to scream when I now take my hand away?"

Rachel hesitated for a moment.

„Rachel?", the voice said but this time, Rachel could hear a hissing undertone in it.

Rachel nodded as to say she wouldn´t scream.

The face was still too close in front of her and she couldn´t see the person´s face yet.

„All right. I´ll let you go now...", the voice said and Rachel could feel the pressure on her mouth and her body getting less.

Rachel was just standing there, unable to move when the person made two steps away from her and for a split second she didn´t know who that person was – but then she could see it was a woman and suddenly she realized who this woman was.

„Al... Alexandra?", she finally whispered when she noticed it was Alexandra Wentzler standing right in front of her now.

„Yes.", she replied in a low voice and took a deep breath.

„What.. what is this all about here?", Rachel said and she could feel her voice getting louder. „How did you..?"

„Shhhttt! Be quiet!", Alexandra hissed and Rachel became silent when Alexandra prepared to push her against the wall and cover her mouth again.

„I´m sorry.", Alexandra finally said and held her hands away from her body as if she wanted to say that she didn´t want to do anything to Rachel. „I didn´t have another choice, nobody must know that I´m here. But I have to talk to you, Rachel. I need your help."

„O.. okay..", Rachel said, trying to speak as calm and as low as possible.

_If Alexandra wanted to harm me, she probably would have done already.´_, Rachel thought.

„So, what´s the problem?", Rachel asked and looked at Alexandra. „In what matter do you need my help?"

There was silence for as moment as Alexandra hesitated to respond and she looked down to the floor.

Rachel was just looking at her.

Alexandra took a deep breath again and gazed at Rachel.

„Carmine Falcone.", she finally said and swallowed.

Rachel couldn´t believe what she heard.

Falcone? What kind of business did Alexandra had with Falcone? She was in Gotham just for a couple of days. Rachel thought, Alexandra might need help to get along into the town again.

„What do you have to do with Falcone?", she whispered.

Alexandra´s face darkened.

„I... I am working for him.", Alexandra responded and Rachel was unsure if she had really understood her.

„Okay.. okay.. wait a minute..", Rachel started after regaining her composure again. „So you´re working for Falcone, all right. But what does it have to do ...?"

„Listen, Rachel.", Alexandra interrupted her. „I just can´t explain it all to you now. But there was a reason for it why I had been at the court days ago, we didn´t meet each other by coincidence. I know about Victor Zsaz, I know about Falcone´s criminal activities, I know that you´re trying to put him behind bars and I also know that you can´t prove anything against him. I´m offering my help to you to get Falcone into jail."

They just gazed at each other for a moment.

„Why do you want to do this?", Rachel asked and looked at Alexandra.

„I want to get out of this.", Alexandra responded, shaking her head. „I don´t want all this anymore. This stuff is destroying me and my life and want my life back. I want my old life back. And besides of this Falcone is a damn son of a bitch and he needs to be put behind bars."

„Why should I believe you?", Rachel finally said. „I know who you are...Alexandra Wentzler!"

Rachel couldn´t believe it when she watched Alexandra smiling and she knew this smile could be only meant in an ironical way.

„If you start to investigate Rachel, you will realize that Alexandra Wentzler is missing since11 years and that she has been officially declared dead in Germany.", she explained. „You will realize that Alexandra Wentzler never entried into Gotham, you won´t find any documents with this name here, no driving license, no credit card."

Rachel knew what this meant. It only could mean that Alexandra was living in Gotham under a false identity.

„Rachel, are you aware that I´m getting myself into danger right now while I´m talking to you?", Alexandra said. „I wouldn´t ask for your help if I wouldn´t have to and I don´t have any reason to tell you lies. I just ask you to believe me and to help me."

„Who else does know about your true identity?", Rachel asked calmly. „Who else knows that Alexandra Wentzler is still alive?"

„You.. and someone else.", Alexandra responded.

_Jonathan!´_

A thousand thoughts flashed through Rachel´s mind. Now there was a young woman standing in front of her, someone she didn´t have seen for years. A woman who probably had returned to town to refresh her childhood memories and maybe to find some peace for herself after having those experiences because of the war. And now, this woman was standing in front of her, telling her, she was working for the King of Gotham´s gangland, offering her a deal to work as a go-between to squeal on her boss and to get back her life and her true identity.

It sounded completely nuts, but in consideration of her actual situation, Alexandra´s offer to work incognito for the D.A. was the best that could happen to Rachel now.

„Okay.", Rachel started. „Let´s say you can supply useful information and let´s say we get enough evidence to put Falcone behind bars and all the people who are somehow involved with the whole thing... what do you expect in return for it?"

Alexandra gazed at Rachel, her face darkening again.

„I don´t expect to get acquitted.", she responded. „But I expect better custody conditions and I need a new identity, a new place to live and I also will need protection.. this I what I´m expecting in return.. for myself.. and for Jonathan Crane."

Rachel swallowed. Jonathan Crane! What in the world made Alexandra think of Jonathan Crane now!

„I know that Crane is somehow involved in the whole stuff..", Alexandra started but Rachel interrupted her.

„I can tell you how he is involved!", Rachel puffed, her eyes blazing with anger. „Jonathan Crane moves Falcone´s thugs into Arkham and this way he makes sure they evade their punishment. This guy is corrupt and probably he´s bought and paid by Falcone as well, just like the others."

„But you can´t prove it, can you?", Alexandra asked and Rachel knew, she was right. „I got into contact to Crane and with a bit of time I´ll find the evidence you need."

Rachel puffed again.

„I can understand that you want to protect yourself with the return you´re expecting.", Rachel hissed and gazed at Alexandra. „But why the hell do you want to protect Crane!"

„I have my reasons for this.", Alexandra replied and pressed her lips together.

_Because I love him and I don´t want his life to get ruined by Falcone!´_

„May I have your word?", Alexandra asked and gazed firmly into Rachel´s eyes.

Rachel swallowed. She still couldn´t believe what she heard and she wasn´t sure if Alexandra was telling her the truth or if she was just fooling her.

Suddenly she could feel Alexandra touching her shoulders.

„Rachel, may I have your word?", Alexandra asked again and Rachel could see it in her eyes, she was telling her the truth.

„Yes.. yes, you have my word.", Rachel said an nodded.

She didn´t have another choice but to give her her word anyway.

„Thank you.", Alexandra whispered and walked over to the door.

„Hold on a second.", Rachel said and Alexandra paused. "How can I get into contact with you?"

„No worries.", Alexandra responded softly without looking at Rachel. „I will get into contact with you.. Jane Deveraux will get into contact with you."

Rachel didn´t say anything when Alexandra turned round.

„Rachel, you should take care of yourself. I´m not sure but Falcone seems to plan something against you.", Alexandra whispered and looked at Rachel.

„What? What do you mean?", Rachel asked and she could feel herself starting to pant.

She touched her forehead because she started to feel giddy.

„What do you mean, Falcone seems to plan something against me?", she said, walking nervously up and down in the room, looking at her feet.

„Alexandra?", she shouted and looked up but then she realized that she was all alone in the files archives again. The door was standing wide open.

Rachel panted and bursted out to the corridor, shouting Alexandra´s name but she couldn´t see her anywhere.

Then she noticed Sarah Taylor, Carl´s secretary, stepping out of her office into the corridor.

„Rachel, everything´s okay?" she asked in a soft voice and gazed at her.

„Have.. have you seen someone passing by here?", Rachel asked in a trembling voice.

Sarah shook her head.

„No.. no, not in the last five minutes." she responded. „Rachel, is really everything okay with you?"

„Ye...yeah.", she whispered before she closed the door to the files archives again and walked back slowly into her office.


	27. The good deed

**Chapter 27 (The good deed)**

It was late afternoon already.

Since Jonathan had been at Arkham, he had worked all day without taking a break and now he had done his amount of work faster than he thought. In between he had tried to call Alexandra on her cell-phone but she didn´t attend.

He still wondered what else she was doing when she wasn´t together with him. Jonathan realized that although he was happy to have Alexandra back into his life again, he still knew so little about her past. He hoped that Alexandra would tell him more soon - at the lastest if they would be out of Gotham.

Last night, when they had made love, he had noticed a lot of scars on her body: the big scar on her shoulder and scars on her legs and her back.

As a doctor of psychiatry, Jonathan didn´t have to do operations, but he knew through his medical studies that scars of that kind were mainly caused by gunshot and stab wounds. He knew that Alexandra didn´t had these scars before she was torn from his life. When she still had lived in Gotham they often went swimming together in the small lake at the edge of the forest and Jonathan had memorized every contur, every line of her body. And he still could remember Alexandra´s body in the night they have spent together in the cabin.

Jonathan propped himself on his elbows on the desk and placed his head into his hands. He remembered last night, how Alexandra had tried to cover her scar on her shoulder with her hands. He had noticed her embarrassment, almost shyness when he had undressed her slowly and had pulled her lightly onto the bed. Jonathan could remember Alexandra wearing his kimono last night and he also could remember her waiting to get out of the bed until he was out of the bedroom.

It was as if Alexandra would be ashamed of her body, but he couldn´t see the need for it.

Jonathan knew, how he normally reacted on the people. He avoided physical contact as good as he could, he didn´t touched anybody and he didn´t want to be touched either. He never had shown a lot of his body as the other guys did, not in college, nor at university. He always kept his distance to his girlfriends, physicalwise as well as mentalwise. The sex had been always very short and without passion, being more a physical duty for Jonathan than real desire and most of the times, his „relationships" had ended as far as they had begun. In Germany, Jonathan had sworn that he would never, ever love anybody again as much as he had loved Alexandra and he was willing to pay the price of loneliness – and he had payed it, year after year.

Since Alexandra was back in his life again, everything was different. While being together with her, he just could be himself, he didn´t have to play a role in front of her. It always had been like this. He didn´t want to keep a distance to her, quite the opposite. He wanted to feel her as close as possible. Jonathan didn´t mind and he even didn´t think about it standing naked in front of Alexandra or running naked through the apartment, as he did last night, when he had carried her back to the bedroom on his arms. It was just a normal thing for him in Alexandra´s presence and Jonathan had the feeling as if it never had been different between them. And now he realized how uncomfortable Alexandra felt being naked in front of him, maybe believing he wouldn´t find her attractive enough because of her scars.

_Alex, I don´t care how many scars you have.´_, Jonathan thought. _You are still a beautiful woman and I love you.´_

But suddenly Jonathan realized what Alexandra had to go through the last years. What must have happened to her to get all these scars!

_How much she must have fought for her life.´_, had flashed through Jonathan´s mind when he had noticed a star-sharped scar on Alexandra´s back last night, nearby her lungs. _How much pain she must have had. What hell she must have gone through during the war.´ _

And then the rape and the loss of their child! How much this guilt must have tortured her, doubting on herself, believing all the time she had been responsible for losing their child.

Jonathan sighed and dug his face in his hands. He hadn´t been the only one who had suffered. He hadn´t been the only one having a demon inside.

_Alex, I didn´t have any idea.´_, he thought. _You have suffered so much and I even caused you more pain. I hope you can forgive me.´_

_ „You little useless freak! I can´t endure your purr of love anymore!"_, Scarecrow hissed out of his dark corner.

_„I don´t remember to have asked for your opinion."_, Jonathan responded calmly and took his hands away from his face, staring at the door of his office.

He could see the skinny strawy figure coming out slowly of its dark corner.

_„You don´t have any idea what is means to love. You don´t have any idea what it means to be loved. The only language you understand is hatred and fear."_, Jonathan said.

_"So-so.."_, Scarecrow hissed and Jonathan could feel his strawy claw placing around his brain.

_ „So I never have loved you, right? Did I never want the best for you? Don´t you owe me everything you have, everything you are?"_

_"And what price did I have to pay for it?"_, Jonathan shouted and he clenched his fists to much that his knuckles whitened. _"My hands are covered with blood because of you, the family´s blood of the woman I love. But she came back to me and I won´t allow you to seperate us ever again."_

_„You´re so blind and so stupid because of love that you even don´t realize you´re making yourself an idiot and how much you´re on the way to lose everything you have worked for all over the years! When will you come back to your senses again?"_, Scarecrow yelled and his grimace faced Jonathan.

_„I have endured you 12 years long without contradiction, how much reason do you still expect from me?"_, Jonathan yelled in his mind when he punched Scarecrow and his strawy claw let go of Jonathan´s brain.

Scarecrow gruntled and stamped his feet up and down wildely, like a child who had lost its favourite toy when Jonathan opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a filled squirt.

_„You´re a goddamn little idiot! You´re an ungrateful little worm!"_, Scarecrow yelled when Jonathan pulled off the cannula´s cap with his teeth and while Scarecrow´s left arm was trying to punch the squirt out of Jonathan´s right hand.

Jonathan pulled his right arm up while his left hand was gripping his right wrist and Scarecrow tried with all his strength to put Jonathan off his plan.

_„Maybe I am."_, Jonathan said and he smiled while he squeezed the airbubble out of the squirt. _"But I´m also a doctor of psychiatry and now it´s time for you to go to sleep."_

Jonathan could hear Scarecrow shrieking when he tore his right arm off his grip and drove the squirt through the fabric of his pants into the side of his right leg.

„Sweet dreams, you strawy asshole!", Jonathan shouted when he pulled the needle out of his leg again.

He had placed the injection in a way it wouldn´t be injected usually and it had caused him a lot of pain in his leg but Jonathan knew he couldn´t do it in another way in his current situation when his fingertips pressed the injection area and started to massage it.

Jonathan hided the squirt quickly in his desk again when he could hear someone knocking at the door.

„Come in!", he said aloud and placed his left hand on the desktop while his right hand was still massaging the injection area of his leg.

His secretary Mrs. Nichols had entered the room.

„Excuse me, doctor.", she said gingerly."But you have asked for my presence before finishing work."

Jonathan hesitated for a moment.

„Oh yes, right!", he responded and waved Mrs. Nichols in. „Please, have a seat."

Mrs. Nichols nodded and closed the door while Jonathan was still massaging his leg, trying not to show anything of what happened just a minute ago. He could hear Sarecrow, growling and spitting like a cat crawling back slowly into its dark corner when the serum started to work.

Mrs. Nichols had a seat on the other side of the desk and she noticed the opened file laying on the desktop in front of Jonathan.

_Oh god, this is my personnel file.´_, Mrs. Nichols thought and she gasped when Dr. Crane started to leaf through it.

„Mrs. Nichols, how long do you already work here?", Jonathan asked in a calm voice and his piercing blue eyes gazed at his secretary while in his mind he could still hear Scarecrow gruntling.

„Um...umm..", Mrs. Nichols stuttered. „For.. for 3 years now, since you became director at Arkham, Dr. Crane."

_My god, is he about to fire me?´_, flashed through Mrs. Nichols´mind and she could feel herself trembling.

She could feel her hands starting to sweat when Dr. Crane gazed down to her file again.

„As I can borrow it from your file, you´re single and you have a 10 year old daughter, Samantha. Is this correct?", Dr. Crane asked and gazed at Mrs. Nichols again.

„Yes..yes Sir, this is correct.", she responded softly.

„Uh-huh, uh-huh.", Dr.Crane said and nodded, gazing down to her file again.

Mrs. Nichols´ heart throbbed wildely in her chest.

_If he fires me now what to do then? I have a child at home I have to care for. I don´t get a job that easily in my age!´_, Mrs. Nichols thought and in her mind she was seized with panic.

„Tell me, Mrs. Nichols...", Dr. Crane started, folded his hands on the desktop and gazed at his secretary. „Have you ever received a pay raise from me in the last 3 years?"

She gazed at Dr. Crane and shook her head lightly.

„No...no, Sir.", she responded softly, looking down to her shaking hands in her coat-tail.

Jonathan nodded again and he took a deep breath, still hearing Scarecrow in his head, spitting softly.

„Well, then I would suggest, you drive home now and discuss with your daughter what salary is appropiate for your work."

Mrs. Nichols looked up, her eyes wide opened and she couldn´t hardly believe it when she looked into Dr. Crane´s smiling face.

„Doctor.. I.. I don´t know what to say, I..", she started. „But how can I? I mean, you have to..."

„No no no no no!", Jonathan shouted with a big smile, declined and leaned back into his chair. „You will decide, you and your daughter."

Mrs. Nichols´eyes filled up with tears when she could see Dr. Crane´s warm smile on his face. She never had seen him smiling like this before.

„And now its time for you to go home.", Jonathan said and pointed to the door with his head. „Have a nice evening, Mrs. Nichols."

„I... umm.. thank you very much.. doctor.", Mrs. Nichols stuttered, stood up and walked over to the door. „I.. wish you a good trip tomorrow.. to your.. advanced training."

Jonathan´s smile got wider and Mrs. Nichols smiled as well when she opened the door with shaking hands and stepped out of the office.

_It´s a great feeling to do something good.´_, Jonathan thought and he could hear Scarecrow´s last grunt before the skinny strawy creature crawled back into its corner and hided.


	28. Unexpected obstacles

**Chapter 28 (Unexpected obstacles)**

Alexandra opened the door to her apartment, squeezed herself and all the bags holding in her hands through the door-frame and closed the door again with her foot.

After her encounter with Rachel Dawes, Alexandra had driven to Gotham City´s shopping mall to buy new clothes for her upcoming trip with Jonathan.

The big advantage of her profession was that sometimes she could make a lot of money. Jane Deveraux was a Pro and she was one of the best in her job. But to Alexandra it was clear since yesterday that she couldn´t go on with her life like this, she even didn´t want to anymore.

If she would have her way, she would take the money and burn it up because it was blood-money

– not even Alexandra´s decision to start a new life wouldn´t change anything about it. On the other hand, a lot of her „clients" and owners of this money had been bad people and some of them even had deserved to die. Alexandra had hoarded up her money over all the years, she never spent more than she needed for her living and this way, she could save a bigger amount to have something in her hands.

No doubt, her boss knew where to find this money, but Alexandra would wait for the right moment to grab all her money and start another life somewhere else – a new life, and at the best together with Jonathan.

Even if this was blood-money, at least it could be useful for something good in their new life, it could give something back of what they had lost because of all the pain and the sorrow.

It couldn´t bring back their innocence, it couldn´t bring back their lost years, it couldn´t bring back their lost child but at least it could give them some financial security. Alexandra would have the feeling not to be completely moneyless and she wouldn´t bring Jonathan into the situation to pay everything all alone.

Alexandra sighed when she flipped on the light and carried the bags into the living-room what was her bedroom, too.

She had placed the bags on the floor and put her keys on the table when she could hear her cell phone ringing in the pocket of her coat.

_Maybe it´s Jonathan!´_, Alexandra thought while pulling the cell phone out of her pocket._But have in mind not to answer the phone by telling your name.´_

She flipped open her cell phone.

„Hello?", she said loudly into the phone.

Alexandra could feel her disappointment when she could hear the voice of Carmine Falcone instead of Jonathan.

„Hello, my little business gift!", she could hear him shouting. „How are you doing!"

_Dammit, Falcone of all people!_´, Alexandra thought when she responded „Mr. Falcone?" in a dry voice.

She could hear Falcone´s dirty laughter when he noticed, that Jane didn´t answer his question.

„I see.", he giggled. „Obviously I have interrupted you in doing something special."

Jane puffed lightly.

_This bastard! I would give anything if I could finally make him keeping his mouth shut!´_, she thought.

„Well, I´ll come directly to the point.", she could hear Falcone saying. „I need you at the docks on Thursday. We´ll get a bigger shipment and I want you there to make sure, that everything will be okay."

Thursday? This was in 2 days! And tomorrow she wanted to go on her trip with Jonathan!

_By no means!´_, everything shouted in Alexandra´s mind. _This guy won´t keep me from going out of Gotham with Jonathan!´_

„Mr. Falcone. I´m sorry, but I´ll be busy that time.", Jane replied but Falcone interrupted her.

„A guy called Flass will be there, get into contact with him. And I don´t accept any reluctance, Jane. So make sure that you´ll be there!"

Jane wanted to say anything but Falcone already had hung up the phone.

„Arrgh, dammit!", Alexandra cursed aloud when she could hear a deep loud tone in the phone-line.

She puffed when she folded up her cell-phone and placed it on the table.

_I have to think up what to do now.´_, Alexandra thought when she put off her coat and hang it over the back of the chair in front of the table. _By no means I´ll cancel my trip with Jonathan.´_

Alexandra propped her hands into her hips, staring at the ceiling and thinking of what to do now.

Suddenly she could feel something touching her hips.

„Any problems?", she could hear a dark male voice saying.

Jane gasped. She knew this voice, she knew this voice too well and for a split second, Jane wasn´t able to move at all.

„What..what are you doing here?", she whispered and she could feel being pulled lightly into the direction of the voice.

She glanced down at herself and she noticed two big hands laying on her hips. His hands covered hers and Jane didn´t struggle when he pulled her softly towards him.

„Hello Jane.", the voice said softly and Jane could feel his hot breath next to her ear. „I missed you."

Jane´s gaze moved around but she didn´t dare to turn round.

„I .. I didn´t expect to see you so soon again.", Jane whispered and she could hear her voice trembling. „Since when are you in Gotham?"

„Hmm, not a very long time...", he answered and Jane could feel his lips brushing her ear and his hand running through her hair.

„Hm..you smell so good, Jane.", he murmured. „And you´re looking gorgeous.. so damn sexy."

Jane swallowed when she could feel his hands on her hips again.

„Don´t you.. don´t you want to know what information do I have for you?", Jane asked, panting lightly, trying to distract him from what he obviously wanted to do.

He didn´t respond and his lips moved over Jane´s neck, starting to kiss it softly.

„I.. got into contact to Falcone as well as to Crane.", Jane finally started, trying to be as calm and businesslike as possible.

„Mmmhmh...", he murmured into her neck, kissing it again..

„And what do you think?", he asked in a low voice when his hands moved forward to Jane´s abdomen. „Do you think, they´re working to our liking?"

Jane gasped again when his hands touched her breasts, starting to caress them through the fabric of her blouse.

„I think, there´s no problem with Falcone.", Jane said and she swallowed again when she could feel his lips on her neck again. „But I´m not sure about Crane..."

„Oh, I see.", he answered in a low voice and Jane could feel his hands massaging her breasts lightly while he kept on kissing her neck.

„I got informed that Crane will do an advanced training tomorrow for a couple of days, but I still don´t know where it will take place.", Jane lied. „I´d like to follow him, maybe I can find out then, if he´s loyal. But Falcone wants me to supervise his drug shipment this Thursday."

He didn´t respond and kept on kissing her neck. Jane didn´t struggle and she tried not to lose control as good as she could.

„You always gave me competence in my work.", Jane said in a firm voice but she could feel herself trembling.

„So, do you think, I´d be better to observe Crane?", he asked softly and pulled Jane closer to him.

_Now don´t stab me in the back by telling me I should stay here!´_

„Yes, I do.", she responded when she could feel his body pressing against hers.

_I will follow Jonathan and I won´t be Jane Deveraux.´_, Alexandra thought when she gripped his hands and pulled them away from her breasts.

„We've been through that already.", Jane said in a loud voice and now she dared to twist her head in a way, that she could gaze into the grey eyes of the man, who had saved her life once.

The man who made out of her what she was now.

Her mentor, her protector, her ex-lover - and her boss.

„I don´t want this anymore.", Jane said in a low voice. „Henri."


	29. Unexpected obstacles Pt II

**Chapter 29 (Unexpected obstacles, Pt. II)**

Henri smiled lightly and gazed into Jane´s blue-grey eyes.

„You know very well, I don´t like it to get distracted while doing a job.", Jane said and she gripped Henri´s hands firmly that he couldn´t move them over her body anymore. „We have settled that already before I came here..."

Henri grinned.

„..and before you have decided to hide somewhere in the Himalaya.", Jane added and her face darkened.

Henri´s grin disappeared.

„So, are you jealous of my work?", Henri asked and Jane could hear a hissing undertone in his voice.

„No.", Jane responded and she could see it in Henri´s eyes, how angry he was about her comment. „But to sit around in a town in Tibet for months, waiting for a message from you, waiting until you sneak into my bed right in the middle of the night and go away two days after is by far not the idea, a woman would have of a love affair – even _I_ don´t have this vision."

Henri puffed angrily.

„Jane, I always told you, you never would captivate me in the way my wife captivated me. You know I love you, but I do it in my own way and I´m not the man to marry and to have children with."

„I never said anything else!", Jane puffed and now she was angry, too. „I never demanded more from you than you could give me and you also never demanded more than I was willing to give. We agree on this point."

Henri grinned again and he tried to pull Jane into his direction again but she stopped him.

„But if you give me an order to do a job you should at least tell me the whole truth and not throw me into the cold water without teaching me to swim."

Henri´s grin disappeared again.

„What are you talking about?", he hissed and gazed at Jane.

„I´m talking about Falcone!", Jane replied and she could hear her voice getting louder. „Actually, do you know what a pervert guy he is! Do you know what he has done to me right in the first night we got to know each other? He forced me to slaughter a man like a cattle. I even had to cut his heart out of his body to bring it to Falcone! Do you think, I like to do this! In what kind of situation did you bring me in, Henri!"

Henri closed his eyes for a split second and took a deep breath.

„I´m sorry, Jane.", he said softly and opened his eyes again. „This wasn´t what I had in my mind for you."

„Oh really!", Jane puffed, her eyes blazed with anger. „You say, you love me in your own way. If you really do, then you should finally tell me what is it all about here that I can do my work properly. And by the way, I´d like to know if I still have to reckon with more pervert lechers like Falcone!"

Suddenly Henri grabbed Jane´s arm and flipped her round. She could feel his grip hurting her.

„Did Falcone touch you!", Henri barked at her. „Did he touch you, Jane!"

„No, he didn´t!", Jane shouted, trying to break off Henri´s tight grip. „He tried to but I didn´t allow! What do you think I am, Henri?"

Henri paused and he released Jane´s arm.

„I´m sorry.", he said softly again. „I didn´t want to hurt you. I just can´t stand the thought having you get touched by another man."

Jane didn´t say anything and gazed into his eyes.

_Get used to it, Henri. Jonathan did and I´m glad he did and should I tell you something? You´re not a bad lover but Jonathan is in a class by himself.´_

„Now will you finally clear me up what is this all about, Henri?", Jane asked softly and gazed into his eyes again.

Henri took a deep breath and sighed.

„Allright.", he started. „Falcone is the the king of Gotham´s gangland but to us he´s just small fry´, he´s a go-between. He´s smuggling drugs into town for us, that´s all."

„That´s all?", Jane repeated. „Well, to be honest, you are not telling me anything new actually, Henri. It was Falcone himself who told me that it´s about drugs. But this can´t be really all, can be? And besides of that, where does Crane come in the whole thing? Does he work for Falcone?"

„No.", Henri replied and shook his head. „Actually, Crane is working for me."

Jane swallowed.

_Oh my God. Jonathan and I have the same employer.´_

„I don´t understand, Henri.", Jane said.

Henri grinned.

„Listen Jane, I´ll explain it to you. Crane moves Falcone´s thugs into Arkham and this way he makes sure they evade their punishment. Victor Zsaz is one of them and this was the reason for you to drive to Gotham Central Court, remember?"

Jane nodded and didn´t say anything.

„And that´s the reason why I should observe Crane? Just to make sure that he says the right things at the court?"

„No, of course not.", Henri laughed and shook his head. „Crane has.. let´s say.. a special order.. he´s supposed to make something for us.. something special.. and that´s why we need the drugs for."

_Oh God, Jonathan is more involved into this than I thought!´_

For a split second, Jane and Henri were just looking at each other.

„What.. what is it, Henri? What is Crane making for you? And what exactly are you planning? You´re not dealing just with drugs now, right? This isn´t your style at all.", Jane whispered and she could feel how scared she was now. Scared about what Henri could tell her now.

But Henri just smiled and his hand touched Jane´s face.

„It´s better, you don´t break your beautiful head about this anymore. What you don´t know, can´t worry you.", he said in a low voice. „Just do what you wanted to do. Follow Crane and observe him. Watch what he´s doing, what people does he meet etc. etc."

„And what about Falcone?", Jane asked. „He will give me hell if I don´t show up on Thursday."

Henri grinned.

„No worries, I´ll take care of Falcone.", Henri replied with a big smirk in his face. „You´re right. It´s better you follow Crane, I have Falcone under control."

In her inner thoughts, Alexandra sighed in relief.

_Thanks God! Ducard let me go...´_

„But I´ll keep an eye on you though, Jane.", Henri said and before she could say anything, Henri had taken her face into his hands and had pressed his lips on hers.

Jane was too surprised to react in time and she let it happen.

„Does it mean you don´t trust me, Henri?", Jane asked and she noticed a hissing undertone in her voice.

Henri grinned again.

„I trust you, Jane. You know that.", he replied, but Jane could feel that he didn´t tell her the truth.

„Don´t forget to give an account on your progresses.", Henri said aloud while he walked over to the apartment door and opened it.

Jane didn´t move and gazed after Henri.

„Oh, by the way..", Henri started, now standing in the door-frame and turning round to Jane.

The light of the corridor illuminated his face and the silky fabric of his dark grey suit.

„This arrived for you today.", Henri said and nodded to a big long package laying on the floor in a dark corner of Jane´s apartment.

„And maybe you should refresh your knowledge about how to make your home safe, Jane. You´re slackening.", he added, again with a big smirk on his face and blew her a kiss.

Before Jane could say anything, Henri had closed the door of her apartment and she could hear his steps on the corridor getting softer.

Alexandra closed her eyes and for a second, she couldn´t move at all. She could feel her trembling body and tears were filling her eyes. Again she had the feeling she already had a few days ago: she was a laboratory rat, being part of a big experiment, a sex toy without her own will, without having the right on privacy.

Falcone was bad already, he was treating her like a piece of meat, but Henri had broken into her apartment. Maybe he has used the time to sniff around in her personal things, even though he might not have found anything. And if this wouldn´t be bad enough, he still was seeing just a good lay in her, not matter that she didn´t want him anymore – all this made Henri even worse.

Alexandra clenched her fists and she could feel her rage, a rage, she didn´t feel for days.

She was mad at Carmine Falcone, she was mad at Henri Ducard

- and she was mad at herself, mad that she had ruined herself.

_How could you ever allow to sink that low, Alex?´_, everything in her mind shouted.

„This god damn son of a bitch!", Alexandra yelled when she whirled round and kicked against the chair which hit the floor with a big noise.


	30. Demons from the past

**Chapter 30 (Demons from the past)**

Alexandra didn´t know how long she was sitting on her bed, motionless.

After she had kicked against the chair and the table, she had broken down on her bed, crying and sometime, she had fallen asleep in her exhaustion.

It was already dark outside whe she had called Rachel Dawes on her cell-phone to inform her about the upcoming drug shipment on Thursday. Rachel asked, where Alexandra had got this information from and if she would at the docks as well on Thursday but Alexandra didn´t let her talk and ended the phone call abruptly.

Then, Alexandra had opened the package and had deployed its content all over the floor. She had placed her head into her hands, staring at the content of the package, maybe for minutes, maybe for hours.

She had inspected everything of the package, piece by piece and she knew every piece so well and every piece led her back into her past, reminding her of what had happened and with everything Alexandra was looking at, her feelings from the past came back to her

- the love she had felt, the pain she had felt, the rage, the sorrow and the despair.

She could see the pictures of her and Jonathan in front of her inner eye, pictures from happier days, she could see their night in the cabin, she could see the sadness in Jonathan´s eyes when he tried to open the door to her car when she left the German embassy so many years ago. Alexandra could see the pictures of the war in front of her, she could see her father, laying motionless on the street between the ruins after the bomb attack. She saw her mother, laying dead on the floor in the living-room, her eyes wide opened and her body covered with blood everywhere. Alexandra could see her little brother Martin, laying bleeding and trembling in his small bed in the children´s room and she could hear him saying „Jonathan" in a low and cracked voice. And then she could see the blood running out of his mouth when Alexandra propped his head, crying and yelling for help.

Tears filled Alexandra´s eyes and as much as she tried to fight them – she couldn´t hold them back and Alexandra sobbed aloud when she dug her face in her hands.

She startled when she could hear her cell-phone ringing which was now laying on the floor next to her bed. Alexandra tried to calm down and wiped the tears out off her face, wondering who would call her now.

Was it Falcone? Or maybe Henri? ... or Jonathan?

_Nobody must notice that I have cried whoever it is.´_, Alexandra thought when she bended down, grabbed her cell-phone and flipped it open.

„Yes?", she said in a low voice and she swallowed because she knew that her voice still sounded weak and choked with tears.

„Hello Alex.."

It was Jonathan!

„Oh.. Jon..", Alexandra started but then her voice died.

It was still difficult for her to talk and she was still trying to suppress her tears.

Jonathan could feel that something was wrong with her.

„Are you okay? I didn´t hear anything from you all the time and I was starting to worry about you.", Jonathan asked softly.

He wanted to ask her where she had been all the time, he wanted to let her know how many times he had tried to call her during the day.

Alexandra swallowed.

She had seen the number of his office at Arkham on her cell-phone´s display this afternoon. He had tried to call her four of five times but either her cell-phone was switched off or there was no service when she was in the shopping mall.

As much as she was glad to hear his voice now, she couldn´t tell him what happened. She couldn´t tell him of her encounter with Rachel, she couldn´t tell him of her conversation with Henri and less then ever of the package – not yet..

„I´m sorry, Jon..", she replied and now she realized how tired and faint her voice must sound. „I.. I had switched off the cell-phone and I was sleeping, too.."

She could hear Jonathan sighing.

„Jon?", Alexandra started and she could feel the tears rising inside her again.

„Yes?"

Suddenly Alexandra realized, how much she was shaking. She didn´t know why but now she was seized with panic. She didn´t know what time it was but she couldn´t and she even didn´t want to stay here tonight – the thought of being alone tortured her too much, being alone in the dark, in her apartment she hated so much.

Alexandra had the feeling as if a thousand eyes would be hided in the walls of her apartment, now staring at her. The eyes of the demons from her past, waiting impatiently that Alexandra would surrender to her exhaustion now so they could take possession of her in the dark night – probably in form of Henri Ducard, who could show up suddenly in the middle of the night and take her without any warning, like he has done so many times before when she was in Tibet, waiting for him.

„I.. I.. can I come to you, to your apartment?"

No, she couldn´t stay here, she didn´t want to stay here, by no means! She would pass the night in a hotel if necessary but by no means she would stay here, even if Jonathan would refuse her request to come home to him.

„Yes.. yes of course, how can you ask me that?", she could hear Jonathan saying and Alexandra sighed in relief when she could hear his soft voice.

_Oh Alex, don´t you understand yet how much I want you to be here with me?´_, flashed through Jonathan´s mind and now he had to think of their phone call after what happened to him in Falcone´s office, how happy he was to finally hear something from her.

Alexandra had called him and he could hear her voice, her soft voice, consoling him so much in that moment. His angel, who was there for him again, who was proctecting him.

And now Jonathan realized how bad Alexandra felt. He didn´t know why but he sensed, it was now on him to be there for her and protect her and now, Jonathan was longing for Alexandra, holding her in his arms, right now. And he wanted it as soon as possible, no matter what he had to do for it.

„Do you want me to pick you up, Alex?", he asked in a low voice and for a split second he feared that Alexandra would cancel their upcoming trip or she wouldn´t want to see him ever again.

Alexandra shook her head.

„No.. I´ll come to you.. I still need some time to get my stuff ready for tomorrow."

_Jonathan Crane, you are a fool. She already told you she would come to you and she also said she would go out of Gotham with you tomorrow and for sure she had found your message as well. There´s no need to be worried.´_

„Okay...", Jonathan responded softly. „I´m at home and I´ll wait here for you."

„Alright, Jon."

_Come home, Alex.. come home to me. You´re safe here, no one can harm you here.´, _ Jonathan thought and for a split second he had to think of their night in the cabin, talking about a possible war in Germany and how much he had tried to console Alexandra.

„See you later, Alex..", she could hear Jonathan saying in a low voice."Drive carefully..."

„See you later..", Alexandra whispered, before she folded up her cell-phone with shaking hands.


	31. Presumptions

**Chapter 31 (Presumptions)**

Alexandra had realized that it was far after midnight when she had left her apartment.

She had packed a big leisure bag and strapped it on her motor-bike and a knapsack was hanging over her shoulders.

Obviously Henri haven´t found her secret compartment for her weapons because everything had been in the condition as it was before so Alexandra decided to leave the weapons at the place where they had been all the time.

The streets of Gotham were brightly illuminated but to Alexandra they neither seemed to be safe nor to be really guiding.

She didn´t take the direct way to Jonathan´s apartmant but she had taken circuituos routes, she had driven through dark narrow-lanes, she had tried to double – like a fox, trying to escape his hunters.

She had looked over her shoulder over and over again, trying to find out if someone would follow her.

Alexandra knew, her circuituous routes to Jonathan would make her trip unnecessarily long, but she knew Henri Ducard and she would think him capable of sending someone to follow her – he could even follow her by himself.

Shortly before Alexandra had arrived at Jonathan´s apartment, she had called him, asking him to open the roller gate of the building´s parking-garage for her and again Alexandra had looked over her shoulder while driving in, checking if someone would observe or even follow her, but she couldn´t see anybody.

Alexandra had felt how sore, how nervous she still was when Jonathan helped her with her bags and both took the elevator up to his apartment.

After Jonathan had closed and locked up the apartment door, the tension had fallen off Alexandra like a big charge and Jonathan had taken her into his arms without saying a word, holding her tight when suddenly Alexandra had burst into tears, shortly after they had stepped into his apartment.

Jonathan had asked Alexandra if he should prepare something to eat for her, maybe a sandwich but Alexandra wasn´t hungry at all. She had drunk a glass of whiskey to calm down and Jonathan had prepared some tea before they went to bed. All the time Alexandra barely spoke and as much as Jonathan had asked her what was wrong with her – she couldn´t talk with him about what had happened to her.

This night they didn´t had sex. Alexandra had snuggled up to Jonathan, bursting into tears over and over again and Jonathan had taken her into his arms, carressing her and trying to console her.

It broke his heart to see Alexandra like this. But just at this moment Jonathan realized that in spite of her courage she always had when she was a young girl, Alexandra also was somebody having her strong and weak points.

Jonathan always had known, how much Alexandra had tried to be strong when they had been at school together – to be strong for both of them and not to show any weakness. He had loved her for this but now, his love for her got even stronger because of her pain.

_You have suffered so much for both of us, Alex.´_, Jonathan thought and kissed softly Alexandra´s hair when he noticed that she had fallen asleep in her exhaustion.

His arm was laying around her and his fingertips caressed her shoulder, Alexandra´s head rested on Jonathan´s naked chest, her hand placed on his abdomen.

_I promise you, from now on you won´t carry this burden on your shoulders all alone anymore. This time I won´t allow to get manipulated. This time I will be there, I will protect you and I will fight for us, Alex.´_, Jonathan thought and he pressed Alexandra against him when he switched off the light on the nightstand with his other hand and fell asleep.

_"Jonathan.."_

Jonathan opened his eyes and straightened up, terryfied.

It was still dark and the moon was shining bright through the bedroom window.

_"Jonathan.."_

He heard this voice again – this voice he knew so well.

Nervously, Jonathan´s gaze moved over the bed. He noticed Alexandra next to him. She was laying on her side, her back turned towards Jonathan, sleeping deeply.

Jonathan got out of the bed and sneaked into the bathroom, trying not to make a noise.After he had locked the door, he had switched on the light. While doing this, Jonathan could feel his shaking hands and his tickling fingertips.

He knew that the injection he had given to himself in his office now started to weaken but though it was unusual that Scarecrow now had „ripped" him out of his sleep. He never had done something like this all over the years. The last years, Scarecrow had left Jonathan in peace when he was sleeping at night. The only exception had been in the night, when Scarecrow had emerged for the first time – the night where Jonathan had believed, Alexandra had returned to him.

"What do you want, Scarecrow?", Jonathan hissed against his reflection when he propped himself on his hands at the wash basin, staring into the mirror.

_"Do you really think, I´ll stand here and watch how you throw your life away, Jonathan?"_, Scarecrow hissed._ "Do you really think, I will allow that such a bitch coming along destroys everything we have built for us over the last years?"_

Jonathan clenched his fists, so thight, that his knuckles whitened. He bended forward, gazing even more into the mirror.

"Alexandra is not a bitch just coming along, she is the woman I love.", Jonathan replied, making sure he wasn´t speaking too loud.

He could hear a light moan through the bathroom door, coming out of the bedroom. It was Alexandra, obviously moaning in her dream, probably because she was having a bad dream.

"Alexandra needs me and I need her." Jonathan whispered. "She is the woman of my life and I want to pass the rest of my life with her."

_"Oh, soso, now you even want to marry her! Indeed, this is getting better and better!"_, Scarecrow puffed, when Jonathan pulled out his briefcase he had hided in the big closet of the bathroom and opened it on the sideboard next to big wash-basin._ "So what´s coming next? Now do you even want to raise a family, pushing the baby buggy all over like an idiot and changing diapers?"_

_"I was already willing to raise a family with Alexandra 12 years ago and now I´d be willing as well, if she wants to have one with me."_, Jonathan thought when he pulled out antiseptic, swabs and a small belt out of one of the cupboards.

Then he pulled a filled squirt out of his briefcase which he had brought from Arkham. Jonathan had prepared some injections for the next days and he had increased the dosage of each injection.

_"What a god-damn freak you are."_, Scarecrow yelled, when Jonathan sat down on the toilet-lid, tieing his arm and making a fist until the vein was good to see. _"I won´t allow that.."_

"You don´t have power over me anymore, Scarecrow.", Jonathan said and desinfected his arm.

He knew that Scarecrow wasn´t still strong enough now to stop him from giving himself the injection, as he did before in his office at Arkham.

Alexandra opened her eyes. She could hear her fast breath and she felt cold sweat on her forehead and her breast.

"You have disposed of my life too long already.", Jonathan said in a low voice and placed the cannula of the syringe into his vein.

Alexandra reached out her hand and she realized that the side of the bed next to her was empty.

"Jonathan?", Alexandra said softly and got out of the bed.

_"If you tell Alexandra anything of me you´ll regret this bitterly, Jonathan.", _Scarecrow yelled when Jonathan injected the serum and tied off his arm.

Jonathan pulled the syringe out of his arm again, pressing a swab on the injection area.

"It´s enough, Scarecrow, the show is over now. I don´t allow it anymore that you´re keep on manipulating me.", Alexandra could hear Jonathan´s dark voice coming out of the bathroom.

Jonathan sighed, closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall when he could feel the serum starting to work quickly and Scarecrow getting banned again into his dark corner.

Alexandra knocked softly on the bathroom door.

"Jonathan, are you in there? Is everything okay?", he could hear Alexandra´s voice and he opened his eyes.

_Oh, my god. By no means she must see me like this!´_

"Alexandra?", Jonathan shouted and hurriedly he hided the injection tools into the cupboard again."Just a moment, I´ll be there soon."

Jonathan threw the used syringe into his briefcase and hided it when he could hear Alexandra´s voice again.

"Hold on a second!", Jonathan shouted, then he opened the bathroom door.

"Jon, are you okay?", Alexandra said, blinking irritated her eyes when she looked into the light of the bathroom. "I´ve heard your voice. Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, I´m sorry, love.", Jonathan stuttered when he noticed a strange expression on Alexandra´s face."I was just thinking aloud... are you okay? I ´ve heard you moaning."

Alexandra took a deep breath and wiped her hand over her forehead, still covered with cold sweat.

"I had a dream. I´ve dreamed of birds, crows I think, I don´t remember anymore..", Alexandra responded.

"It was only a dream, Alex.", Jonathan said and placed his arm around her. "Come on, let´s go back to bed."

Before Alexandra could say anything, Jonathan kissed her and flipped off the light.

"Okay.", she finally said and she let it happen when Jonathan took her into his arms and carried her back to the bed.


	32. Going out of Gotham!

**Chapter 32 (Going out of Gotham!)**

Jonathan had been awake very early already and had sneaked into the kitchen with his briefcase without making a noise to throw away the used syringe from last night and to check the other ones for the upcoming days.

Jonathan knew he had already passed over the recommended dose per injection but secretly he was hoping that another environment would withdraw the fertile soil from Scarecrow. All these years, when he had been to this place, it always had worked out good for him. Jonathan hoped it would work out this time again, if he would be there now with Alexandra.

Alexandra was still sleeping when Jonathan came out of the shower and put his clothes on. He stole a glance at his toxin-system which he kept it in a secret compartment of his closet.

_´No, I won´t need that.´,_ Jonathan thought._ ´This here is mine. The time together with Alexandra is my time and not Scarecrow´s time.´_

Jonathan locked the secret compartment again, pulled a big travelling bag out of the closet and started to pack it for their upcoming trip. First he didn´t notice that Alexandra had been awaken in the meantime and she was watching him without saying a word, supporting her head with her hand.

Jonathan was wearing dark blue jeans, a black sweatshirt and dark shoes made of smooth leather. He looked casual but also dressy in his own way and the dark colors of his clothing emphasized his piercing blue eyes even more. The fact that he was wearing his glasses didn´t make a difference.

Alexandra remembered their night in the cabin so many years ago, how beautiful he had bee  
- and how beautiful he still was.

"How beautiful you are, Jonathan Thomas Crane.", she said softly and he gazed over to her, startled lightly.

"Oh, I haven´t noticed you are awake.", Jonathan responded, walked over to Alexandra, squated down in front of the edge of the bed and kissed Alexandra softly. "I´m sorry, I didn´t want to wake you up."

"No worries, you didn´t at all.", she said in a low voice and her other hand ran through Jonathan's thick black hair.

Jonathan had noticed how exhausted Alexandra had been last night and as badly as he wanted to get out of Gotham with her, he also wanted her to feel better. He realized that Alexandra have had a nervous breakdown last night and he could remember how bad he felt just days ago. But he also realized that his breakdown wasn´t comparable to Alexandra´s.

"What about breakfast?", Jonathan wanted to know and touched Alexandra´s cheek.

"No.", Alexandra replied. "Let´s get out of Gotham and have breakfast somewhere on the road, agreed?"

"Okay, agreed.", Jonathan said softly and he was glad, that she was saying that - because of some reason an inner anxiety suddenly spread inside him and in his mind, he could hear Scarecrow´s dark grudge again.

_´No, it´s too early, I can´t take another injection again now.´_, Jonathan thought.

"I´ll hurry up.", Alexandra said, got out of the bed and went into the bathroom and for a split second Jonathan was thinking that she could read his mind.

_´Maybe Alexandra and I have the same idea.´_, Jonathan thought and gazed after Alexandra. _´Maybe she wants to get out of Gotham as fast as possible, too – and she doesn´t know what a favor she is doing to me with it.´_

While Alexandra was taking a shower, Jonathan finished to pack his travelling bag and brought it and his briefcase down into the parking-garage to his car.

After he got to his car, Jonathan took the prepared syringes out of the briefcase and packed them into his bag. In doing so, he casted a glance at the mask – Scarecrow´s mask.

"_Do you think you can just ignore me?_", he could hear Scarecrow whispering in a low voice.

"I can´t hear you, I can´t hear you.", Jonathan said aloud and his voice echoed through the parking-garage when he closed the zipper of his bag and stowed it away in the trunk of his Jaguar.

"_Do yo_u_ really believe that some rediculous injections would stop me!_", Scarecrow hissed and laughed. "_What a slacker you are, Jonathan! Yo_u_´re nothing else then a little mean freak! Making an idiot out of yourself and all this because of a woman! I´m ashamed of you! _"

„I´m ashamed of the fact that I had allowed you to control my life all over the years! I was so stupid, all those long years!", Jonathan hissed back. „But this will change now."

_"Stupidity! So you´re saying that everything I´ve done for you was just stupidity!"_, Scarecrow yelled._ "This what you´re doing NOW is stupidity! Waisting your intellect and your genius! You´re so blind and so dull of love that you don´t see anymore what your genius is capable of, what power you could achieve! But instead, you prefer to put yourself up with something under your dignity and deny your true mission!"_

Even before Jonathan could say anything, Scarecrow´s strawy hand gripped the mask lying in the briefcase and held it up in front of Jonathan´s face.

"THIS is your mission, Jonathan! THIS is what you are! I am you! So stop fighting me! I am your destiny. I am the way be meant for you and nobody will do anything about it!"

„Oh no, no!", Jonathan shouted aloud and shook his head. „Somebody will do anything about it and this person will be me! And I know, Alexandra will help me getting through this! She will support me. I will tell her about you and I know she will understand me."

_"Oh no, don´t you dare to do this!"_, Scarecrow yelled, when Jonathan placed the mask back into the briefcase with shaking hands and locked it. _"You won´t tell anybody about me, did you hear me, Jonathan! Nobody supports you as much as I do, your intelligence, your genius, your.."_

"Dammit! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!", Jonathan yelled as loud as he could while slamming the trunk-door down."I´m sick and tired of your silly talk! Leave me alone for God´s sake and finally get out off my life!"

"Dr. Crane, is everything okay with you?", he suddenly could hear a dark female voice shouting and Jonathan whisked round.

He recognized Mrs. Williams, a stocky woman in her 50ties. Mrs. Williams was living on the 3rd floor and she was professor of mathematics at Gotham University. Jonathan didn´t know her well and most of the time he met her in the parking-garage, greeting her shortly.

"I apologize for my curse, Professor Williams.", Jonathan replied, blushing lightly and now he realized that Scarecrow was silent. "I fear I got very loud."

"Well, I was shocked.", Mrs. Williams said. "I never heard you talking like this before."

"I´m so sorry, it wasn´t my intention to scare you. I just have been very angry about something.", Jonathan interrupted her.

"Well, we are all just human, Dr. Crane.", Mrs. Williams responded while unlocking the door to her car. "But I wish you a nice day though."

"For you too, Professor Williams.", Jonathan said when the stocky woman got into the car and started the motor.

Scarecrow was about to say something but Jonathan hissed in a low voice "Don´t even think of saying a tone." when Mrs. Williams drove out of the parking-garage and Jonathan stepped into the elevator to get back to the penthouse.


	33. The Drive

**Chapter 33 (The Drive)**

Jonathan was surprised when he realized that Alexandra had already packed her stuff and was ready to go.

Had it been Alexandra just hurrying up or was it him, being that long down in the garage?

"So, are you ready?", Alexandra asked before putting on her cream-colored coat.

Jonathan gazed at her.

Alexandra was wearing black pants, black shoes with small heels and a cream-colored blouse, made out of silk. Her light make-up emphasized her blue-grey eyes and her long eyelashes. Alexandra looked so wonderful.

"You look pretty.", he said and in his thoughts, Jonathan slapped himself because of not having said the word, he actually had in his mind.

"You too.", Alexandra responded, grinning lightly, then she kissed Jonathan softly and touched his hand. "Come on, let´s get out of here."

Jonathan smiled and took Alexandra leisure bag. He pulled Alexandra toward him and kissed her before locking up the apartment door, then they took the elevator down to the garage.

Alexandra was surprised when she noticed the battered fender on Jonathan´s Jaguar but she didn´t say anything. She rather was now realizing that she started to have that bad feeling again she had already last night but she tried not to show anything.

She smiled and pressed Jonathan´s hand, when he drove out of the garage, but she looked over her shoulder over and over again to check if someone was following them.

Jonathan noticed her uneasiness but he didn´t say anything. Instead, he pressed the gas pedal and conducted the Jaguar through the streets of Gotham as good and as fast as he could.

He could feel a kind of uneasiness, too but it decreased more with every mile they got closer to the outskirts of the city.

Alexandra and Jonathan barely spoke a word. It was like as if they both were scared of something could happen now what would stop them going out of Gotham – road works, a traffic jam, an accident, a police control or a burst tire. And so they tried to contribute their part, not to distract each other and observe everything going on around them on the streets.

Both sighed in relief when Jonathan conducted the car over Wayne Bridge and drove on to the highway where the urban area of Gotham ended.

Jonathan and Alexandra smiled at each other and he pressed her hand lightly when he accelerated his Jaguar again.

"So, will you tell me now where we are going, Jonathan?", Alexandra finally asked and gazed at him.

"I won´t tell you this, because I want to surprise you.", Jonathan responded while giving a look at her, smiling lightly. "Agreed, Alex?"

Alexandra considered.

"Okay, agreed.", she said softly and smiled, too.

She still looked over her shoulder from time to time to check if someone was following them but though, Alexandra wasn´t that nervous and tensed anymore as she has been before when they still were in Gotham.

Alexandra gazed out of the window and now she realized what a beautiful day it was. It was still early in the morning, but the sun was shining bright from the blue sky and everything seemed to be brighter and clearer than in Gotham - even the highway.

Jonathan left the highway and drove on to a country road which almost looked like an avenue. The leafs of the trees were colored in a mix of red and gold, the meadows were looking greener and sappier and even the light seemed to be brighter than in Gotham.

Alexandra opened the window and stretched out her hand. The wind blew through her fingers – even the wind was softer and warmer her than in the city.

"Jonathan, would you mind to open the covering?", Alexandra asked and gazed at him. "It´s not cold at all."

Jonathan was surprised.

"What?... umm, no.", he stuttered and shook his head.

_´What´s surprising on this question, Jonathan? You´re driving a cabrio.´_, he thought while pressing a knob and the covering opened with a buzzing sound.

For a short moment he thought about his usual driving habits. He was a cabrio-driver but most of the time he was driving having the covering on the car. Maybe he kept it on because of the noise on Gotham´s streets or because of the fact, that he liked to listen to Classical music or Cool Jazz while driving, the covering keeping undesirable noises and sounds out of the car.

Now he could feel the wind on his face and in his hair and he was surprised how good, how refreshing this was.

Jonathan sighed softly when he pressed the POWER-knob om his car radio. He hated it to seek a radio station while driving, so he had pre-saved his favorite stations for Classical music and Jazz on his radio.

The radio switched on and seconds later Classical music was playing.

_´Oh...´_, Jonathan thought._ ´Jaques Offenbach... how nice.´_

Alexandra had closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the wind blowing into her face when she could hear the Classical music coming out of the radio. She opened her eyes again, staring at the radio, then at Jonathan and then at the radio again. Not that she didn´t like Classical music at all, but she wasn´t a fan of it either.

"Jon, you´re not serious now, are you?", Alexandra puffed, almost grinning and before he could say anything, she turned the SEEK-knob of the radio.

„What are you doing, Alex?", Jonathan shouted when he noticed her turning the knob back and forth.

„Jonathan come on, this is death-music!", Alexandra said and her grin became even wider. „We need something to cheer up now and not something to fall asleep."

Jonathan took a glance at Alexandra when she stopped at a station, listening for a couple of seconds and then to turn the knob again to look for another radio station. Snatches of music and announcements blended together when Alexandra kept on turning the SEEK-knob.

_´Alex, please- decide!´_, Jonathan thought and he wanted to say it aloud, but he kept it to himself.

Maybe she didn´t remember it anymore, but now Alexandra was doing something, Jonathan didn´t like at all.

He still could remember it well because it had been one of their very few points of controversy in their teenage years. Even then Alexandra could never decide on listening to one radio station for a time. Every time, when they had been at the lake to study together or to swim, Alexandra always managed it to upset Jonathan by going back and forth through the radio channels, the whole country had to offer.

Jonathan snapped out of his thoughts when he could hear a familiar song coming out of the radio.

„Don't know much about history, Don't know much biology.Don't know much about a science book, don't know much about the french I took..."

„Oh my god, listen to this!", Alexandra shouted loud and pointed at the radio.

Jonathan looked at her, surprised and confused at the same time.

_´I can´t believe it, she indeed decided on one radio channel!´_, flashed through Jonathan´s mind, but he didn´t say anything.

„The song! Don´t you remember?", Alexandra shouted and laughed. „We always sang it together!"

„You mean, YOU sang it.", Jonathan puffed with a big grin on his face and he looked at her, when Alexandra started to sing „what a wonderful world this would be".

He could remember when and how she was always singing it.

It happened most of the times when they were studying together and Jonathan trying to explain something to Alexandra she didn´t understand at all. Then he always tried to explain it to her right from the beginning as good as he could but Alexandra always knew how to be evasive by singing Sam Cooke´s „What a wonderful world this would be".

„For maybe by being an 'A'-student, baby, I can win your love for me.."

_´Although you have driven me crazy sometimes, you never had to be an A-student to win my love for you, Alex.´_, Jonathan thought and he snapped out of his thoughts again when he could hear Alexandra´s voice.

„Come on, sing with me, Jonathan!", she shouted smiling and nudged him lightly in his side. „Don´t leave me in the lurch now!"

Jonathan smiled and gazed at her, blushing a bit. He never thought of himself being a good singer and he always avoided to sing. But now his smile got bigger when he watched Alexandra being that happy and relaxed and finally Jonathan laughed when he started to sing together with her.

"But I do know that I love you. And I know that if you love me, too, what a wonderful world this would be!"

Sam Cooke kept on singing his refrain when Alexandra moved near Jonathan. Jonathan smiled all over his face and he could feel, how happy and reliefed he was, that Alexandra was together with him when he placed his right arm around her and kissed her forehead.

Alexandra snuggled up to his shoulder, smiling lightly. She placed her arm around his hips and for a short moment she thought of what Jonathan had told her in the cabin while he was conducting the Jaguar with his left hand and caressing her arm with the other hand.

Welcome home.´, had been his words – and now Alexandra could really feel it for the first time.

Yes – she was at home again.

Sam Cooke: „What a wonderful world this must be"


	34. Cuesta Verde

**Chapter 34 (Cuesta Verde)**

´Welcome to Cuesta Verde!´, Alexandra could read, written in big letters on the signpost when Jonathan drove his Jaguar into the town.

She was surprised because she was thinking that Jonathan wanted to drive to the country with her. Instead of this, Alexandra realized, they had arrived in a small town now, located directly next to the coast. She noticed lined streets, idyllic small houses and a beautiful park. Indeed, a lot of trees and bushes were now carrying the colours of autumn and some of them were even losing their leaves now, but in spring and summer, they would probably turn the whole town into a green paradise and make a nice contrast to the beach and the deep blue ocean.

Jonathan noticed Alexandra´ s surprised expression on her face and smiled lightly, but he didn´t say anything. Alexandra could hear the seagulls and the rush of the sea when Jonathan conducted the Jaguar on a small parking lot nearby the beach promenade.

How long didn´t she heard the rush of the sea? How long she hasn´t been at the beach? It must have been years.

Alexandra snapped off her thoughts when she could hear Jonathan´s voice.

"What do you think about check into the hotel first?", he asked and turned off the motor after closing the covering again.

"Umm.. yes, sure, why not?", Alexandra responded and gazed at Jonathan.

She was still observing the new environments and she was still surprised of the small town´s beauty.

Jonathan smiled lightly and kissed Alexandra, then both got out of the Jaguar and Jonathan locked the car.

„Dr. Crane! How nice to have you here again!", shouted the elder, lightly stout woman, standing behind the counter when Jonathan and Alexandra stepped into the entrance hall of the hotel, just a few steps away from the parking lot.

„Hello, Mrs Smith.", Jonathan replied politely and placed his car keys on the countertop. „Thank you. I´m glad to be here again. I hope, everything is ready for us?"

„But of course, Dr. Crane.", Mrs. Smith answered in a calm voice and placed a printed sheet of paper in front of Jonathan on the countertop. „If you don´t mind..."

„Oh, of course.", Jonathan said in a low voice while Mrs. Smith handed him a pen to fill out the registration form.

Alexandra´s gaze moved over the hotel lobby. It was small and simple, but it was appointed in a nice and inviting way, with a small seating accommodation in the corner, framed paintings of sailing ships on the walls and big windows with a view on the beach promenade and the sea.

Suddenly Alexandra was torn from her thoughts. What if Mrs. Smith would ask her to fill out a form, too? Her driving license, all her credit cards were issued to the name Jane Deveraux´, she didn´t have any document which would confirm her identity as Alexandra Wentzler.

_´If Jonathan sees my cards with this name, then I am sunk.´_, Alexandra thought.

„I.. I´ll go to the car and get our luggage.", she said aloud and with these words, she gripped Jonathan´s car keys.

He and Mrs. Smith gazed at her in astonishment.

„Alex, just wait a minute. I could help you.", Jonathan said and got interrupted by Mrs. Smith.

„Miss, I will get someone for you who...", Mrs.Smith started.

„Oh no, no worries.", Alexandra objected. „I think, I forgot something in the car I need now anyway. Just handle it with the room, Jonathan. I´ll be right back."

Even before Jonathan could say anything, Alexandra left the entrance hall of the hotel and stepped outside to the parking lot.

Suddenly she could feel her heart throbbing wildely in her chest and cold sweat was covering her forehead.

_´Damn Alex, now get your senses together. It didn´t happen anything, you were lucky this time.´_, she thought and took a deep breath. _And now concentrate and do what you wanted to do.´_

Alexandra walked slowly over the parking lot to Jonathan´s car, keeping on looking over her shoulder to check the area, if she could recognize something or someone suspicious. Although she was happy to be in such a beautiful place like Cuesta Verde, she still couldn´t get rid of the feeling, that Henri Ducard probably had sended someone to observe her, but as much she afforded it, there was nothing looking unusual or even suspicious.

_´Maybe Henri just told me this to scare me.´_, Alexandra thought and opened the trunk of Jonathan´s cabrio.

She pulled out her knapsack and put it over her shoulders, then she grabbed her and Jonathan´s bag and pulled them out of the trunk. She took a look at his briefcase and placed her hand on it. She could feel the rough surface under her fingertips.

_´Maybe Jonathan needs the briefcase now.´_, Alexandra thought and for a split second she remembered what she had found hanging out of the case 2 days ago – the rough, scratchy fabric.

Alexandra started to tip on the briefcase for a couple of times, then she pulled her hand out of the trunk and locked it again. She had decided to leave the briefcase in the car.

Alexandra opened the front door to check if she really had left something in the car, then she locked the Jaguar again, grabbed the bags and walked over the parking lot back to the hotel.

"Oh, Mrs. Crane!", Mrs. Smith shouted when Alexandra stepped into the entrance hall with the bags in her hands.

Alexandra didn´t know why but she turned round.

"Here is your room key. Your husband is upstairs already.", Mrs. Smith responded and smiled lightly when Alexandra put the bags down to the floor to take the key. "Your room is on the first floor. And just leave your luggage here. I´ll send someone to bring it into your room."

"Oh, thank you very much.", Alexandra responded and she was still thinking of how Mrs. Smith had called her.

Did Jonathan know, she was hiding something? What did he said to Mrs. Smith when Alexandra was outside at the car? Or was it just the forgetfulness of an old lady, using the name she already knew to make is easier for herself?

"I wish you a nice stay here in Cuesta Verde.", Mrs. Smith said smiling and Alexandra nodded her good-bye before she went upstairs to the first floor.

Alexandra took a glance at the key to look for the room number.

_´1-018.. hm, what a strange room number.´,_ she thought when she walked down the corridor, stopped at the last room door and put the key into the lock.


	35. The Hotel Room

**Chapter 35 (The hotel room)**

Jonathan was standing at the big balcony window and turned round when he heard the door being opened.

"Hey Jonathan.", Alexandra said while stepping over the threshold.

"Hey Alex" he responded while Alexandra closed the door again and placed her knapsack on the floor. "Sorry for not waiting for you but I had to.. well, you know."

While saying this, Jonathan pointed with his head to the bathroom, blushing lightly but now he was telling Alexandra only half the truth. In reality he was gone upstairs to give himself one more injection, which he had hidden in the inner pocket of his coat to use in case of emergency. He could feel his hands starting to tremble during check-in, shortly after Alexandra had stepped outside and he could hear Scarecrow´s voice in the depths of his mind again.

Jonathan knew, it was still too early for another dose. He didn´t wait for at least 12 hours between the two injections and besides of that, he had increased the dosage of each injection. He knew, psychopharmacological drugs could cause serious side effects and Jonathan also was aware of the fact, he was taking a high risk now.

He had decided to use just half of the injection first, hoping to supress the first signs of Scarecrow that way. He would inject the rest of the dose somewhere else if necessary and for a split second, he had to think of his former professors at Gotham University. They would crucify him if they could see him like this now as Jonathan was now breaking every rule of doing injections and dosaging medication he had learned during his medical studies.

But he wanted to spend his time at Cuesta Verde without Scarecrow as much as possible and by no means Jonathan wanted Alexandra to know, he was giving himself injections. Probably she would get a completely wrong picture if she could see him like this now, as long as she didn´t know the whole truth, as long as she didn´t know the true reason - the reason why he had become a murderer.

Jonathan was torn from his thoughts when he noticed Alexandra´s grin on her face.

"What´s wrong?" he asked in a low voice and gazed at her.

For a short moment both didn´t say anything.

"Mrs. Crane?" Alexandra finally asked and her grin became wider.

"Well.." Jonathan started and smiled lightly while Alexandra walked over to him. "You know? Mrs. Smith is.. well, let´s say.. very old-fashioned.. that´s why I have.."

Jonathan didn´t come further as suddenly someone knocked at the room door.

"Oh wait, I´ll take care of this." he said and walked over to the door.

While Jonathan was talking to the room boy who had brought the luggage, Alexandra´s gaze moved around in the room.

The room was big and simple, but appointed very nice with a big kingsize bed standing at the wall in the middle of the room and a small nightstand on each side. Opposite to the bed there was a closet installed into the wall and next to it she noticed a round table with two seats. A basket was standing on the table, filled with all kind of fruits and chocolates, next to it several small bottles of water, juices and soft-drinks, a bouquet of red roses in a flower vase and two bottles of red and white wine.

Alexandra was now standing next to the window of the balcony, having a beautiful view on the sea and the beach. If the hotel guests would sit or stand outside on the balcony, they would have a good overview over the whole beach promenade as well. They could sit on the wooden bench in mild summer nights, observing the activities on the beach or just watching the sunset, relaxing a bit and drink a glass of good wine.

Alexandra turned round and watched the hotel boy leaving the room after Jonathan had given him a bill, thanking him for bringing the luggage. For a short moment Jonathan and Alexandra just gazed at each other.

"Do you like it here?" Jonathan asked in a soft voice. "I don´t know, maybe you have expected something else."

Alexandra shook her head.

"No Jonathan, I like the room. It´s really nice." she answered and took a big breath. "But somehow I wonder..."

"Yes?" Jonathan asked and frowned.

He sensed Alexandra was concerned with something.

"Well.." she finally said. "It´s obvious, you´re not here for the first time because of the way Mrs. Smith has talked to you... I wonder, if you have been here regularly... maybe with someone else?"

Jonathan rose his eyebrows. Now he knew what Alexandra was talking about. He realized that her question wasn´t unusual. They never had asked each other since Alexandra was back in his life again - if there was another partner in their lives, if they were already married with someone else.

"Oh, I see." Jonathan said and smiled lightly. "So you think, I already have been here with another woman?"

Alexandra bit her lower lip. She feared to have said something wrong now.

"Well..." she started, but Jonathan interrupted her.

"So, do you think, I´m engaged to another woman but spend a couple of days with you here at the same time?" Jonathan asked grinning and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets.

Now Jonathan looked like a big daring school boy, being accused of having done mischief - and Alexandra felt like the teacher who was now realizing she was wrong. Now, she felt really bad having this presumption but she also realized that Jonathan was evasive.

"Jonathan, I didn´t want to say that...," she started, but he interrupted her again.

"Come on, there is something, I want to show you.", he said grinning while putting on his coat.

Alexandra gazed at him, confused. So he wanted to end the conversation now and just leave it in its place?

"Jonathan, I think, we should clear this first, before doing something else or going somewhere else." she said and now she could notice a light angry tone in her voice.

But Jonathan just smiled and stretched out his hand.

"Please Alex, come with me. What I´ll show you now will answer all your questions, I´m pretty sure."

Alexandra hesitated for a second and took a deep breath.

"Alright then." she finally said and gripped Jonathan´s hand.

Jonathan still was smiling and this irritated Alexandra even more when both left the room and Jonathan closed the door behind them.


	36. The Confession

**Chapter 36 (The Confession)**

Jonathan and Alexandra went downstairs to the lobby and said good-bye to Mrs. Smith before stepping out of the hotel.

The hotel was located directly next to the beach promenade. Now in October it was a bit cool already and the water was too cold to swim but in summer, Cuesta Verde would be a nice place to pass vacation. Probably many families would come here with their children as well as groups of young peolpe to celebrate their graduation with beach parties. Now the place was ideal for people wanting to spend a couple of peaceful days, going on long walks over the beach and enjoying good fish - and seafood dishes in one of the restaurants at the promenade.

_Whatever Jonathan has in mind now, he made a good choice to come here.´_ Alexandra thought when they left the promenade and walked over to a big place.

The place was circular, being paved with small, grey cobble-stone pavement, the benches made of dark wood invited to take a rest and the beach promenade was just a few steps away. A big burly oak-tree was standing right in the middle of the place and her leaves were carrying the red-golden colors of autumn.

"Does this place look somehow familiar to you?" Jonathan asked softly, stopped in front of the oak and pressed Alexandra´s hand.

She gazed around and frowned. Indeed, now as Jonathan mentioned it, this place was familiar to her, indeed the entire area of Cuesta Verde was familiar to her, but she also could be wrong and confound it with one of the places she had known on one of her trips.

"I .. I´m not sure.." Alexandra finally said. "Somehow this all is looking so familiar to me and doesn´t at the same time.. I really don´t have any idea."

"We have been here once already." Jonathan explained and smiled lightly. "We have been here with biology class, doing a research project. This was on a day in October, to be more precise, it was today about 13 years ago."

Alexandra frowned again. She had seen Jonathan 12 years ago for the last time in Germany, this was in July, then their night in the cabin, this was in spring. October? This was in October one year before. And what day was today? 18th of October. 18th of October? Jonathan was right. It was 13 years ago. And then this strange number of the hotel room. 1-018... 18th of October? Was it just co-incidence?

"Yes, I remember..." Alexandra finally said and slowly but surely, her memories of that time came up to the surface again. "You´re right, we have been here before.. but.. the place looks so different now."

"Yes, it does." Jonathan responded. "Before, it was possible to drive over here with buses and cars. Now the whole place is closed for the traffic and got paved with these cobble-stone pavement... but the old oak was here before and the promenade looks a bit different as well, but you can still get to the beach like before."

Jonathan let go of Alexandra´s hand and placed it softly on the trunk.

"Maybe you don´t remember anymore.." Jonathan finally started and gazed into Alexandra´s eyes. "But we have been standing here with the class after getting out of the bus and someone made a stupid comment about us..."

"Oh yes, I remember." Alexandra said and frowned again. "This girl.. what was her name again?... something with E.. was it Elaine?"

"Elizabeth... Elizabeth Perkins." Jonathan answered.

"Oh yes, right!" Alexandra shouted and her face brightened. "She made a comment about you and I was angry about it."

Jonathan smiled lightly.

"That´s right. You touched my hand, then looked at Elizabeth and then you said: Shut up, you stupid cow!´ And or biology teacher Mrs. Donovan has admonished you then."

"Oh yes." Alexandra puffed and rolled her eyes. "Now I remember again. She was our headmistress, too and I had to detain for 2 days because of doing my comment. She didn´t care it has been Elizabeth starting all this with her stupid comment."

"That´s right." Jonathan answered and smiled lightly again. "Mrs. Donovan has admonished you and then you´ve said:Why do you admonish me, Elizabeth has started with this?´ and then Mrs. Donovan said: Miss Wentzler, you will come to my office tomorrow, you will detain the next two days.´"

Alexandra scowled. She hadn´t thought of this incidence for years and now she was realizing how alive these memories still were inside her - and above all, how alive these memories still were inside Jonathan. Though she was wondering what this all had to do with their conversation in the hotel room and she wasn´t sure where this all would go.

Alexandra swallowed.

"Some of the class started giggling and making stupid comments as well until Mrs. Donovan got loud and admonished us all but you just looked at me and you didn´t let go of my hand all the time, not even when you were argueing with Mrs. Donovan." Jonathan said softly, took Alexandra´s hand again and gazed firmly into her eyes. "This was the moment I fell in love with you, Alex."

For a split second, Alexandra couldn´t move and she could feel her knees giving way.

"Oh.. Jon." she finally whispered in a trembling voice.

She hadn´t expected all this at all and she could feel how much it touched her heart to hear all this from him. She had forgotten so many things, she had pushed so many things away from her life and now she felt as if Jonathan had watched over these memories for so many years. Memories which shall never be forgotten ever again.

Alexandra had never realized how significant this afternoon had been for Jonathan, how much it had influenced his feelings. It always had been natural for Alexandra to defend herself and Jonathan.

She didn´t remember when exactly she had fallen in love with Jonathan. Maybe this had been a sneaking process or maybe she had been in love with him right from the first time she had seen him. She didn´t know it anymore, but at one day she just knew she loved him. And she knew as well, she had been in love with him for a longer time already, before they became a couple.

"Come on, I want to show you something." Jonathan said in a low voice and before Alexandra could say anything, he did a few steps around the oak and Alexandra followed him.

"Do you see this?" he asked softly and pointed with the fingers of his other hand on the trunk.

Alexandra approached and took a look at the oak. The outline of a heart was scratched on the trunk and in its middle the letters "A+J." The heart and the letters were heavily weather-beaten but though everything was still recognizable.

"Jonathan, what..?" Alexandra started, but she didn´t come further.

His piercing blue eyes gazed at her again.

"Do you remember when we drove back to Gotham that afternoon?" Jonathan asked softly. "Here we got into the bus again and just in the moment, we were already on the main street over there, almost leaving the center when I shouted that I´d forgotten something and I´d have to return to the place again."

Alexandra looked at Jonathan.

"Yes..." she said. "Yes, I remember. It had started to rain heavily when we left and everybody was sour and cursing. Mrs. Donovan has stopped the bus and let you get out to run back to the place."

"That´s right" Jonathan responded in a soft voice. "You wanted to join and help me, but Mrs. Donovan didn´t allow you, so I had to run back to the place alone."

"Yes.. and I observed you from the window but it was raising so much I couldn´t see anything." Alexandra said. "And then you got sick and you were laying in bed at home for a week."

"I got a pneumonia, that´s right." Jonathan answered and smiled lightly. "But this didn´t stop you to come over every afternoon to bring me the homework and to tell me everything that happened at school."

Alexandra nodded and smiled, too.

But suddenly Jonathan´s smile disappeared and he took a deep breath.

"But the truth is.. I haven´t lost anything that afternoon. The truth is, I wanted to come back to make this here." he responded and his fingers touched the outline of the heart on the trunk. "I had a small jack-knife once and I also had it with me that afternoon. I always thought that scratching hearts into trees is something absurd and trivial, but that afternoon everything was different.. and I wanted everbody to know what do I feel for you, Alex."

Alexandra didn´t know what to say. She could feel her knees giving way again.

"And since then, I always came back, Alex. Every year, always at the same time, always the same day, always to the same hotel, always to the same room. To remember everything over and over again. To keep my memories on you alive and not to lose my mind." Jonathan said softly and gazed into Alexandra´s eyes. There was a time I believed I would´t do anymore and for a time I wished I would never have met you – but it´s a fact that I never stopped loving you in all these years... and I never will.. and that´s the reason why I never would come to Cuesta Verde with another woman but you.."

Alexandra could feel tears filling her eyes. She felt guilty now because of thinking so bad of Jonathan – that he would come here with her to have a love adventure, to have his fun and break her heart although Alexandra knew, he wasn´t that kind of man. That he still loved her so much, even after all he had done to her – she didn´t expected this at all and she wasn´t able to express, was she was feeling in this moment.

"Jonathan...", she whispered but she didn´t come further as the tears didn´t allow her to speak.

"I love you, Alex." Jonathan said in a soft voice and took her face into his hands.

Alexandra couldn´t hold back her tears anymore and her hands clung to his coat when Jonathan pressed her head softly against his chest, rocking her lightly.


	37. Thoughts and feelings

**Chapter 37 (Thoughts and feelings)**

Alexandra needed a couple of minutes to regain her composure again.

Jonathan was holding her in his arms all the time and kissed her hair and her forehead in-between.

How relieved he was now to finally tell her everything! He had kept it to himself for so many years. No one knowing him personally ever got to know of it all – of the scratched heart, of his anual ritual to come back to Cuesta Verde to remember everything. Everything what was ripping him into a thousand pieces inside. But Jonathan now realized, how much he had needed it to remember everything over and over again over the years. This was something, Scarecrow couldn´t take away from him. It was one of the few things remaining of Jonathan Crane – the ability to feel, the ability to love, the ability to be just human. Jonathan had believed for a long time, he would have lost these abilities, but Alexandra´s reaction had shown him, he was wrong.

In spite of Scarecrow, he still was a human being, having his own thoughts and feelings – somebody, who was still able to love. Und finally he could tell it to the person he loved the most – and no one, no one would ever take this away from him, not even Scarecrow.

Jonathan gazed at Alexandra and wiped softly her tears out of her face.

„What do you think about a warm tea and something to eat?", he asked in a soft voice.

It was late noon already and Alexandra and Jonathan just had a bagel on their way to Cuesta Verde. Maybe they would talk about a few things more while having lunch – also, if Alexandra was engaged to another man in another way, if she was feeling the same for him he was feeling for her.

Alexandra agreed and Jonathan placed her arm around her when both walked over the place back to the beach promenade.

Jonathan knew a good restaurant close by and both decided to eat some fish and seafood there.

This year´s October was a wonderful month with a lot of sunshine but though, it was cooler at the coast than in Gotham and the tea helped Jonathan and Alexandra to warm up a bit while they were waiting for the food.

"Can I ask you something?", Jonathan said and placed his teacup on the table while Alexandra tried to warm up her fingers at her cup.

She looked up to him.

"Now you know what I feel for you and now you know too, there´s no other woman in my life.", Jonathan said softly. "But I still don´t know, if _you´re_ engaged, Alex.. is there another man in your life?"

For a split second, Alexandra was thinking of Henri Ducard.

"No, Jonathan. There is no one else.", Alexandra responded in a firm voice and gazed into Jonathan´s eyes. "But there was someone who helped me getting through a hard time. I have been very sick and this man had saved me."

_You might think whatever about Henri Ducard now, but you owe him your life.´_, flashed through Alexandra´s mind. _But you should keep in mind, what price you have paid for that. The price was the loss of your soul. You´re quits with him and you don´t owe anything to Henri Ducard, Alex.´_

Jonathan gazed at Alexandra for a moment.

"Would you tell me about it, Alex?", he asked. "I know, it might not be the right place for it now.. but I want to know, where you have been all the time."

Alexandra lowered his gaze, placed her cup on the table and took a deep breath.

"You won´t like what I´ll tell you now, Jonathan.", Alexandra said and gazed into his eyes.

Jonathan propped his temple with his hand and looked into Alexandra eyes while she started to tell him about her past.

She told him, how she was travelling from one country to the other, how she started to steal and to cheat. She told him about the drugs she had taken and what all she had done to get them.

Jonathan touched Alexandra´s hand, while his other hand was still resting at his temple. He didn´t say a word all the time and he paid attention to Alexandra, telling him in a low voice of the men, she had gone to bed with if she could gain an avantage out of it in any way. He still didn´t let go of her hand, not even when the waiter served their food and a bottle of white wine.

She told him of her serious desease and of the man who took care of her, who helped her to get rid off the drugs, who saved her life. Alexandra told Jonathan everything that happened to her - but she avoided to mention her family or her time in Germany. She avoided to talk about the hatred she had felt for Jonathan not so long ago. She avoided to talk about the true identity of the man who has saved her or about the price she had paid for her rescue – to become an assassin and to lose the rest of goodness inside her.

Jonathan tried not to show anything but inside he was crying about what Alexandra was telling him and all thoughts and feelings he had had yesterday in his office at Arkham and last night, came to light again. He had hurt her so much, he had hurt them so much.

Jonathan realized, it was not only Mrs. Wentzler´s life and Martin´s life Scarecrow had destroyed, but it was also his own life as well as Alexandra´s being destroyed because of his guilt. He had allowed Scarecrow to make his butcher out of him, he had the blood of her and also of his family on his hands and no one would free him from this guilt, not even Alexandra. No medicine would heal his guilt, no priest would give the absolution to Jonathan, washing his sins away.

He would live all his life with this guilt and the only thing now remaining to Jonathan was to try to make good some of what he has done – to be there for Alexandra, to be there for both, to fight for their love – and to fight Scarecrow, to destroy the destroyer.

Jonathan snapped out of his thoughts when he could hear Alexandra´s voice again.

„I´m not the same person I was before, Jonathan.", Alexandra said in a low voice and looked at him sadly. „If I would be 16, if I would be 17, if I wouldn´t have left Gotham.. but.. look at me now.."

_How can you still love me – after all this?´_, Alexandra thought and she could feel her heart getting heavy. _I am a wreck, Jonathan. Maybe we both are wrecks, but at least you still have a life, you have a basis, you have your profession and you´re recognized in what you´re doing... but what do I have?´_

Jonathan pressed Alexandra´s hand and for a split second he believed to know what she was thinking right now. He gazed deeply into her blue-grey eyes, hoping his words would reach the depths of her hurt soul.

„I haven´t done anything else since you´re back in my life again, Alex.", he whispered softly. „And whoever this guy was, I´m just thankful for the fact, he saved your life – because he has brought you back to me."

Jonathan realized, what gift was granted to them. Now they had a chance to start a new life. Now they had a chance to be there for each other and to help each other. Now they had a chance to find some luck and happiness together, to find something they had lost such a long time ago.

They got a second chance now – and Jonathan swore to himself, this time, he would do everything to use this chance.


	38. Plans for the future

**Chapter 38 (Plans for the future)**

While Jonathan and Alexandra had their lunch, they didn´t talk anymore about what has been said before. They started to talk about the good food and the nice, but cool weather in Cuesta Verde.

It was as if both would think about what they got to know from each other today. This all was too heavy for a light, cheerful conversation while having lunch. Jonathan and Alexandra smiled at each other while sipping at their glasses of wine – like a couple having their first date but they just could imagine from each other what actually was going on in their minds.

Jonathan helped Alexandra gentleman-like to put on her coat and he kept the door open for her after they had paid the bill and left the restaurant. A group of children shot by when they stepped out on the beach promenade and both started for a split second, but Alexandra just smiled and took Jonathan´s arm.

Slowly they walked along the beach promenade and the dark heavy Bankhirai wood creaked lightly under their feet. The salty air of the sea was cool, but refreshing at the same time and Jonathan and Alexandra inhaled the air into their lungs as if it was a precious gift. This place was so different than Gotham – so beautiful, so peaceful, so pure, so alive.

"So, what is it exactly, you´re doing professionally, Alex?" Jonathan finally asked and gazed at her while both kept on walking along the beach promenade.

She had told him about her time in Asia during lunch and about her training in traditional Chinese medicine. He wondered, what exactly Alexandra was doing now as it was something completely different, compared to what Alexandra was dealing with in Asia.

"Well.." she started. "As I told you already, it´s a bit difficult to explain."

_For Heaven´s sake, I can´t tell him the truth!´,_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind. _I can´t tell him I´m an assassin. I can´t tell him that I´m here to observe him – and I can´t tell him, I wanted to kill him not so long ago.´_

"I´m a sort of reporter. I´m working for companies like car companies for example. These companies are bringing out new products and my job is to compare these products with them of other companies.. I´m kinda... investigator." she lied.

How bad she felt now, telling Jonathan all these lies – but she didn´t have a choice, at least not now.

"So, you´re doing soft of.. industrial espionage?" Jonathan asked and Alexandra could see a light grin on his face.

"Well.. maybe.. sort of," Alexandra stuttered.

_How stupid this all must sound for him!´,_ Alexandra thought and gazed over to the sea, Jonathan did the same.

"And you?" Alexandra finally asked, hoping Jonathan wouldn´t ask her about her profession anymore. "Did you want to become an M.D. all the time?"

Jonathan shook his head.

"No.. no. First I started to study biochemistry. But then I realized, it wasn´t the right thing for me, so I started to study medicine."

"Oh, I see." Alexandra responded and smiled lightly. "Well, I always knew you would make a good doctor. I always told you that."

Jonathan smiled because he knew, Alexandra was now talking of their night in the cabin. He still could remember very well, how he examined her ankle – and he still could remember, what happened afterwards.

Again, they walked over the beach promenade without saying a word and Jonathan was glad; Alexandra didn´t asked him anymore about his years of study. Should he tell her, there had been disciplinary proceedings because Jonathan was doing forbidden animal experiences with substances, which had been available only for the professors of the biochemical unit? Should he tell her, he already was obsessed in his years of study of doing research on fear and the reasons causing fear? Should he tell her, how he had tried through his experiments to find a drug against fear?

It almost bordered on the miraculous Jonathan hadn´t been thrown out of the university. Instead of this, it was suggested to Jonathan to stop his biochemistry studies voluntarily – avoiding this way to get banned from the university. It was still a mystery to Jonathan, how he could ever be admitted to medical studies with this entry in his file – or was it maybe because of Scarecrow, who had his own special way to manipulate people and especially bring the right ones to heel? So tractable that the medical faculty never got to know of Jonathan´s faux pas due to the interference of those people?

"Why don´t you work in the medical area? I mean, with the experiences you have.." Jonathan asked, gazing at Alexandra and for a split second he realized how ironic it was this question coming from him now.

"Jon." she interrupted him. "What are you talking about? I told you, I was trained but I have no certificate, no diploma, no degree. You know, how it is in nowadays. No one hires you without checking your certificates first."

"If the people get to know you were trained in Asia, I´m sure they would hire you with the greatest pleasure. Who would care for a diploma then?" Jonathan said and smiled. "I could talk to some people, I could pull my strings. Maybe you could offer your duties at the hospitals in Gotham, maybe even at Arkham. Even patients with mental diseases have physical troubles, we could even work together. What do you think?"

_Oh Jonathan, don´t think, everything is so easy.´,_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

"I don´t know..." she said in a low voice and sighed lightly.

Indeed, his idea was well-meant and noble but it was naive too – at least this was what Alexandra believed. Compared to her, Jonathan was in a way better position. He was a doctor. He had a good basis and recognition. He could settle down somewhere, having his own consulting room if he would want to – but Alexandra had the feeling of not having a real alternative to her current job. She had no degree, no diploma or certificates she could show to people and everything she would start professionally she would do just because of Jonathan´s interference. She always believed to be free and independent – but now Alexandra realized she was wrong. She always was dependent on somebody, especially on Henri Ducard – and now, if she would accept Jonathan´s offer, she probably would just slip from one dependence into the other.

And besides that, Alexandra wasn´t sure if she wanted to stay in Gotham at all – but of course she was sure! She _didn´t_ want to stay in Gotham; she hated Gotham! She would prefer to go anywhere else to start a new life, maybe a place like Cuesta Verde – and Alexandra wondered if Jonathan would be willing to go with her and give up his job at Arkham. Would he be willing to get rid of his criminal doings? Would he run away with her, willing to live the life of a fugitive, always hiding before Ducard, Carmine Falcone and the police? Or would he be willing to go the legal way, testify against both and leave Gotham as a free man after passing his jailtime?

SuddenlyJonathan stopped, turned round to Alexandra and touched her arms. Alexandra was suprised and gazed into his eyes.

"Alex, I´ll talk to some people." he said in a firm voice. "It´s worth a try and I´m sure we´ll find something for you.. do you agree?"

Alexandra took a deep breath and at this moment she just felt led like lambs to the slaughter.

"Alright then." she responded, sighed and smiled lightly. "As far as I can see it, I can´t change your mind anyway concerning this, can I?"

"Nope." Jonathan said with a big grin on his face and started to move again.

Alexandra felt lousy now but she smiled though – and for a moment she was thinking about the crane she had seen at Gotham River and about the man who told her something about this bird. Permanent monogamy? Brooding time? Brood the offspring together?

Currently, everything was pointing to the fact that Jonathan had much more in common with the black crowned crane than just the name, the black feathers and the blue eyes – and inside, Alexandra was seized with panic when she was thinking about a serious partnership, marriage and having children.

_Don´t you still get it, that this guy really loves you?´,_ Alexandra thought and gazed at the wooden ground in front of her while both kept on walking along the beach promenade._ Jonathan never has pushed you under pressure or dictated you in any way. Do you really think, he would start with it now, wanting you to give up your independence just because of having a partnership with you´_

For a short moment, both kept on walking along the beach promenade without saying anything.

"What do you think about something to drink?" Alexandra finally asked, getting herself out of her thoughts.

The fish had been salty and she realized she was getting thirsty now. Alexandra noticed they had passed by a small kiosk not so long ago – and with her question, she also wanted to break up the akward silence between them.

"Oh." he answered lightly surprised. "Yeah.. not a bad idea at all."

"I´ll be right back." Alexandra whispered and kissed Jonathan softly before he could say anything, then she broke away from him and walked back the way of the beach promenade where the kiosk was located.


	39. Adelle

**Chapter 39 (Adelle)**

It was good that Jonathan didn´t insist on going with her, so Alexandra could be alone for a moment and think about his offer.

She could think about what he had suggested, about what this could mean for her future. Alexandra sighed lightly when she noticed a young couple and an elder woman standing in front of the kiosk.

_Good, so I´m getting a couple of minutes´,_ Alexandra thought and she stepped into the line behind the elder woman, waiting patiently for her turn.

Jonathan gazed after her and when he realized that Alexandra had to wait, he turned around to the wooden balustrade of the beach promenade, propped his arms on it and stared at the sea. He inhaled deeply the salty sea air and his thoughts started to rove.

Jonathan started to think about who of his colleagues he could ask, about which of his business relationships could help to find a job for Alexandra. He noticed Alexandra didn't feel well about his will to look for a job for her – but he also realized that he wanted to do this not least on his behalf. Jonathan had become aware of how much he had influenced her life with his terrible deed.

Alexandra wasn't stupid, quite the opposite – she had been a smart young girl and if this damn war wouldn't have been, she probably would have stayed in Gotham, studying at the university. "Something with languages," she always said. And she always managed to make Jonathan laugh by imitating different languages and dialects. Probably she would work for a big company today or she would lecture at the university Jonathan would be director at Arkham – and both still would have their child, maybe even more than one child.

Jonathan couldn't fool himself. He knew he had deprived Alexandra of a halfway normal life with his deed. The chance to get trained, to graduate, to have a stable basis in life as much as it was possible had been destroyed. Indeed he felt responsible for Alexandra´s _career_ and now he wanted to give her something back, at least a bit of what belonged to her and she deserved to have.

Jonathan was torn from his thoughts when he noticed something pulling jerkily at his coat. He flipped around but he couldn't see anything. Then he could feel this pulling again and Jonathan looked down at himself. He noticed a little girl standing in front of him – and suddenly he had the feeling, his heart would stop.

The girl was little and delicate, maybe 7 or 8 years old. She had long, dark brown, curly hair and piercing blue eyes, like his own – and her face reminded Jonathan of Alexandra. The girl was the spitting image of her.

Jonathan gasped for air and he wasn't able to move. He didn't say a word and stared at the little girl standing in front of him with sparkling eyes.

"Mister, do you want some popcorn?" she finally said in a loud, clear voice and held out the popcorn bag to Jonathan.

Only now, Jonathan was torn out of his lethargy.

The young couple returned to the beach promenade and the elder woman stepped over to the kiosk window, when Alexandra gazed over to Jonathan. She noticed a young girl standing in front of him. Alexandra swallowed and she couldn't move at all. Spellbound, she stared at the girl and at Jonathan, who now squatted down to her.

"Oh, thank you." he said in a low voice and gripped into the paper bag to get out some popcorn.

While doing this, he gazed deeply into the girl's eyes. Her eyes were so full of warmth and goodness as he never had seen it on another person before.

"You have looked so sad, Mister." the little girl finally said and Jonathan could feel her small hand touching his and he believed the wing of an angel touched him – and this angelwas the little girl.

"My name is Jonathan." he said softly and smiled lightly.

"Miss, can I do something for you?" Alexandra could hear a dark male voice saying.

The elder woman in front of her had left the kiosk and the owner looked at Alexandra, ready to take her order.

"Umm.. excuse me." she said in a low voice and shook her head lightly without looking at the man anymore.

Alexandra made a few steps away from the kiosk and kept on staring at Jonathan and the little girl. They seemed to talk to each other.

"You love her, don´t you?" the little girl asked softly.

Jonathan just looked at the girl, not knowing what to say.

"You don´t have to be sad. She loves you too, you know and she will come back to you – she will come back to you, to you and your sweetheart, Jonathan." the little girl whispered and smiled.

"What?" Jonathan started in a low voice, but he didn't come further.

"Adelle!" a young woman shouted. She obviously was the mother of the girl and walked over to Jonathan and her daughter. "Adelle, come on. Don´t bother the young gentleman."

"Don´t worry, Miss.", Jonathan responded with a light smile on his lips and he gazed up to the young woman. "She didn´t at all."

"I´m sorry for your inconvenience, sir." the young woman said blushing and gripped Adelle's hand. "But sometimes this little girl here can be really pigheaded and she always has to have her way."

Jonathan gazed into Adelle's face and he could still see this kind look in her eyes. Softly, his hand touched her cheek.

"You have a beautiful daughter, miss." Jonathan said softly. "Please take good care of her."

The young woman didn´t respond but just smiled. Jonathan could feel Adelle pressing his hand lightly before giving the popcorn bag to her mother. Then both started to move.

After a few steps, Adelle turned round to Jonathan.

"Bye Jonathan!" she shouted and waved at him.

"Bye..." Jonathan whispered and he could feel himself trembling.

He gazed after Adelle and he wasn't able to move.

Alexandra walked over into Jonathan´s direction again and she could feel her heart getting heavier with each step she made. Jonathan rose up again and turnedto the girl's direction. He was standing with Alexandra at his back and for her it was impossible to see his face.

Alexandra noticed how Jonathan gazed after the girl, completely motionless when she came into his reach.

"Jonathan?" she said in a low voice and she could hear her voice trembling when she softly touched his shoulder.

Jonathan turned round slowly - and now Alexandra could see Jonathan was crying and tears were running down his face.

"Oh Jon." she whispered but her voice died.

Alexandra knew, she didn't have to say anything anymore. She knew what had happened a minute ago.

She placed her hand around Jonathan´s neck and softly stroked his hair and his neck when he pressed himself against her, sobbing. Then he embraced her firmly and gave free vent to his tears.


	40. Demons from the past II

**Chapter 40 (Demons from the past II)**

Jonathan didn´t know for how long they had been standing at the beach promenade.

Jonathan was crying bitterly and Alexandra was holding him firmly in his arms, stroking him the entire time.

"It´s okay, Jon." she had whispered in a soft voice. "It´s okay. Just let it out."

A few people were passing by, staring at them and wondering, what had happened but Alexandra and Jonathan didn´t care.

Alexandra tried to fight her tears as she wanted to be strong for Jonathan and console him - just as he did while they were standing on the rounded place next to the oak.

Jonathan and Alexandra had returned to the hotel with slow steps and both barely exchanged

a word with each other when they stepped into the hotel room. Alexandra had the feeling Jonathan wanted to be alone for a moment and she decided to go to the bathroom and take a shower - and to cry soundless while taking the shower, hoping Jonathan wouldn't notice.

Jonathan didn´t know what time it was. He was sitting on one of the chairs at the round table and gazed at the curtain of the balcony door, lost in his thoughts. He had taken off his shoes and his socks and Jonathan could feel the soft carpet of the hotel room under his soles.

He could hear the splashing of the shower coming out of the bathroom when he took off his glasses and placed them on the table. Jonathan propped his elbows on his legs and buried his face in his hands.

He was thinking of what just happened, he was thinking of Adelle. Jonathan was still overwhealmed by his thoughts and feelings, this little girl had engendered in him - and now he knew why because she had reminded him of the child Alexandra had lost. His child - the child he could never have. And she reminded him of so much more, she reminded him of things he had dismissed the memory of so many years ago. And these things now had returned into his mind.

Jonathan rubbed his eyes and tried to suppress his tears coming up again. He got up, stepped over to the balcony window, pulled the curtain aside and stared out to the beach promenade and the sea.

Adelle had reminded Jonathan of what he could have today. He would have been together with Alexandra over the years and both would have a family now - and probably they would have a daughter like Adelle.

Their daughter would be 12 or 13 years now - and Jonathan would have watched her growing up, he would have rocked her in his arms as a baby. Jonathan didn´t know a lot of children, he didn´t know either if Alexandra did but he would try to do everything as good as possible. He would have fed his daughter with the bottle, he would have learned to change diapers and to bathe his child, he would have taught her to walk and he would protect her from all the bad things happening on this world.

And what kind of girl would she be? She would be a very pretty girl, Jonathan was sure about it. She would have the piercing blue eyes of her father and the long curly brown hair of her mother. Maybe their daugther would look exactly like Alexandra - like Adelle had reminded Jonathan of her when she was very young. For sure, his daughter would be a beautiful girl.

And what would his little girl be like? Certainly she would be a brave girl like Alexandra was. Maybe she would defend the weak at school too – just like Alexandra had done for Jonathan. And certainly she would be a very smart girl, she would be one of the best in her class. And maybe she would be very popular, especially with the boys and come home with her first boyfriend very soon - and Jonathan and Alexandra would have to wonder about how to enlighten her daughter on sexual matters. Jonathan would watch the boys like a hawk his daughter would bring home and he would give them hell if they would dare to hurt his little girl.

Yes, she would be his little girl, his princess - and Alexandra would be his goddess as she was before – at school, at the lake, under the roofed bench, in the cabin... and she still was his goddess and she always would be. She and her daughter would be the two most important persons in the world for him and Jonathan would give them all the love he was capable to give.

And maybe he and Alexandra would have a son, too - and his son would be strong, smart and physically strong. Her would protect his mom and his sister when Jonathan wouldn´t be there. Jonathan would teach his son to respect them and to honor them, just as they deserved. He would tell him that a man should not beat a woman, that a husband must not cheat on his wife and come home as though nothing had happened. Jonathan would tell his son that a man must not hang around at home, sitting in front of TV and boozing on cheap can beer the entire day

He would teach him quite the opposite of what he had known through his father. Something he had displaced for so many years - and he didn´t mean his real father, Dr. Luis Burton. No, he meant the man he first got to know as his father in his life – Eliott Crane. The man who had beaten up Mom regularily because she had oversalted the food in his opinion or because she hadn´t ironed his shirts properly. The man who was half-drunk already when he came home from work. The man, Mom had to serve from head to foot as soon as he was sitting in front of the TV in his old shabby chair. Then who sneaked out of the marriage bed right in the middle of the night to have hot phone calls with one of his girlfriends or got into his car silently to put up at a shabby motel with a woman or to bang her like a dog on a dark parking lot.

_On his 9th birthday, Jonathan had hidden in Eliott Crane´s car after listening secretly to one of his phone calls with one of his girlfriends. He hid in the back seat under a blanket and all the junk Eliott Crane had placed there. In his eyes, Eliott Crane was a very unkempt man, his skin bloated due to the alcohol and his fingers, and teeth nicotine colored because of all the cigarettes he was smoking every day. Eliott Crane didn´t care about his looks and he didn´t care about his car´s cleanliness either. _

_Jonathan could remember the stink of beer, whiskey and Eliott Crane´s cheap aftershave he splashed into his face in large quantities – like he always did when he went out to date one of his girlfriends. Jonathan had wondered so many times, what a woman could find in such a man as he was by far the most disgusting man he knew. He tried not to think about, how it had to be for Mom - to lay in bed with such a man every night. _

_And he wanted it to stop. _

_If I have seen with my own eyes what he´s doing, how he´s cheating on her, then I can tell Mom the whole truth.' flashed through Jonathan´s mind. And if she knows what a pig Eliott Crane is, what a dissapointment he is as a husband and a father, then she probably would take heart and abandon him. Mom deserves someone better than this stinking something calling himself a man.´_

_Or maybe even Jonathan´s "plan B" would work: To catch Eliott Crane in the act and do his contribution, that this man would be conscience-stricken and finally leave Jonathan and Mom in peace. Eliott Crane going out of his life - the would be the best birthday gift Jonathan would ever have!_

_He persisted in his hiding place for awhile after Eliott Crane had left his car. Jonathan tried to be silent as a mouse when he crawled out of his hiding place and got out of the car. It was dark, just the red illuminated letters of Tina´s Diner clearly were to be seen. The diner had been closed already and not a living soul was on the street. Just God knew how late it was. _

_Where is Eliott Crane?' flashed through Jonathan´s mind, but he didn´t come further as suddenly he could hear the loud moan of a woman coming from the rear side of Tina´s Diner._

_Jonathan swallowed heavily. He knew this could mean just one certain thing. Slowly he walked around the diner with tiny steps into the direction where the moaning was coming from. Jonathan noticed the flickering light of another neon tube being installed on the rear side of the diner. He could hear the moaning and the panting getting louder with every step Jonathan made. He didn´t make a noise when he slowly walked around the corner. Then Jonathan stood rooted to the spot and he could feel how the view now had sickening him. _

_There was Eliott Crane, his father, moaning, panting, sweating. A woman in front of him, bending over a big garbage can and propping herself at the wall with her hands and her cheap artificial fingernails. A woman who was moaning and panting "Ohh" and "Yeah, Baby'' over and over again while Jonathan´s father was thrusting her from behind like a dog. Yes, like a dog, between all that garbage and stink! It was the way as Jonathan had expected to find Eliott Crane – but though, he was shocked by the view. _

_For a moment, Jonathan was thinking of just running away but then he changed his mind. There was no turning point anymore. Jonathan would do now what he wanted to do and he clenched his fists while his arms were hanging down next to his body. _

"_Dad!", Jonathan shouted aloud and clenched his fists even firmer. "What are you doing there!"_

_He could feel his body trembling but he wasn´t trembling because of being scared but because of his rage and hatred **for** Eliott Crane he was feeling right in that moment. _

_Eliott Crane and the woman stopped in her movements and stared at Jonathan with wide opened eyes who was still clenching his fists and not moving at all. _

"_Oh!", the woman shouted surprised and for a split second Jonathan was thinking, how stupid her comment in this situation really was._

"_Dammit, Jonathan! What are you doing here!" Eliott Crane barked and the fact that he didn´t have the manners to get dressed but persisting in his position made Jonathan even more angry. _

_Not one hectic movement, not even the try to pull himself out and put on his pants again, not a word of apologies or a blushing face. Instead, his father was standing in front of him, his manhood probed into another woman as if this would be the most natural thing on the world. He just was expecting that Eliott Crane would say: Oh Jonathan, good that you´re here. Go and get some beer for us._

"_Don´t you.. don´t you have any sense of decency?" Jonathan stuttered and with every word, his voice got louder and he could feel tears filling his eyes. "You´re coming here.. you´re cheating on Mom with this.. this woman.. in this dirt.. like a dog!"_

"_What was that, Jonathan?" Eliott Crane shouted angrily and he still didn´t move out, quite the opposite._

_He grabbed the woman´s shoulders and pushed himself into her even more when she tried to push the man away from her. _

"_Eliott…" she whispered. "..please.."_

_He was hurting her but Eliott Crane didn´t care._

"_How did you call me, Jonathan!" he barked and his face flushed red while he was staring over to Jonathan. _

_For a split second, Jonathan was shocked to hear his loud voice. But this time, he wouldn´t shrink back – not this time!_

"_You´re.. you´re a god damn old son of a bitch!" Jonathan yelled and he could feel his tears running over his face. "You´re not a father, you´re not a husband – you´re not even a real man! You´re treating Mom and me bad and you´re whoring around like a dog, in this dirt! You´re even worse than a dog! I hate you, Eliott Crane!"_

_Eliott Crane´s eyes were blazed with rage and the only thing, Jonathan was thinking of at this moment was that Eliott Crane would change his mind now. He would turn away from him, full of shame and he would whisper: How right you are, my son._

_And it would be the first time that Eliott Crane would call him "my son" - not "you freak" not "you useless urchin. "No, he would call him "my son!"_

_How naive Jonathan really was! As if a 9 year old boy would really impress his drunk father in such a situation with his emotional outburst. _

"You just were a child, you didn´t know it better." Jonathan whispered to himself and covered his face with his hands while he was still standing at the balcony window, staring out to the sea.

_Jonathan had the impression as if everything was happening in slow motion and for a moment he believed to have all the time of the world to run away when Eliott Crane pulled out of the woman very quickly and pulled up his pants. _

"_You just wait, you god-damn brat!" Eliott Crane yelled when he rushed at Jonathan._

_Jonathan could hear the woman yelling, screaming "Eliott, don´t!" when he turned around and started to run._

_Jonathan ran as fast as he could and for a moment he believed to have escaped from his father. But then he stumbled and fell on the ground and he could **feel** the tight handgrip of his father on the collar of his shirt._

"_You little spoiled freak!", Eliott Crane screamed when he pulled Jonathan up from the ground on his collar. "You won´t ever dare to call me this again!"_

_Jonathan still heard the woman´s yelling in his ears and he couldn´t defend himself when Eliott Crane´s hand hit his small face over and over again, slapping the glasses off his face and Jonathan could taste blood on his lips when everything went black. _

"_This brat had a fight with someone, right in the middle of the night!" Eliott Crane yelled and pushed Jonathan through the entrance door right into Mom´s arms when they had arrived back home again. _

_Jonathan had recovered consciousness on the drive home and he just remembered fragments Eliott Crane has yelled at him like "If you tell anything to your mother" or "I´ll beat the shit out of you if…!"_

_Mrs. Crane knew her husband was lying to her but she didn´t say anything and brought Jonathan into his room. She got some ice-bags and plaster to take care of his injuries._

_Jonathan was laying on the bed, Mom was sitting on the edge of the bed and bending over him. His face was full of scratches and smeared with blood and tears. His lip was burst open and his eye was hurting after Eliott Crane dealt a blow right there. He would run around with a black eye for days and once again he would become the laughingstock of everybody at school. But Jonathan tried not to show anything towards Mom, nor to cry or to whine when she swabbed his scratches with an antiseptic and a cotton pad._

„_Jonathan, what happened to you?"Mom whispered. "Why don´t you tell me what happened?"_

_Jonathan´s eyes blurred with tears looked at his mom, sad. _

"_It was just like Dad said." he replied in a soft voice, fearing Eliott Crane would stand in front of the door and listen secretly to their conversation. "It was this Gary Merrill. You know him MomHe´s in my class."_

_But Mrs. Crane could see how her son was shaking his head while saying that - and now she knew it hasn´t been Gary Merrill who had done this to her son. And as much as she wanted it - she couldn´t do anything against her brutal husband. _

_Mrs. Crane wanted to say something, she wanted to tell Jonathan how sorry she was and how much she would try to find a way that this wouldn´t ever happen to him again. But she didn´t come further as suddenly the door to Jonathan´s room flew open and Eliott Crane was standing in the doorway._

"_Sheila, that´s enough! A few scratches won´t kill the boy!"_

_With these words, he walked over to Jonathan´s bed and gripped Mom´s arm. She was still sitting on the edge of the bed, taking care of Jonathan´s wounds. _

"_Eliott, please. I´m not finished yet, I want to.." she said softly and turned around to her husband, but then she made a face of pain when Eliott Crane brutally pulled her away from the bed._

"_Come on, you´re finished!" Eliott Crane shouted aloud and pulled his wife out of Jonathan´s room. "This brat is already old enough to do that by himself! And you have something else to do now!"_

_Jonathan was laying as though paralyzed on his bed and he couldn´t do anything but to watch how Mom stumbled to the door and Eliott Crane pulled her out of the room and slammed the door shut._

_He swallowed heavily and tried to suppress his tears. _

_Jonathan could hear another door getting slammed, he could hear Mom whining and he could hear a rumble and Eliott Crane´s loud voice shouting "Don´t make such a fuss now!" and "I´m your husband!"_

_And when he could hear the squeaking noise of the marriage bed and Mom and Eliott CraneJonathan turned on to his side and curled up like a baby. His body was trembling and his hands clutched his pillow. Now he couldn´t hold back his tears anymore and Jonathan covered his ears, just not to hear these noises anymore coming out of his parent´s bedroom. _

_Instead, his body was rocking back and forth and Jonathan tried to focus on his own voice which whispered over and over again: I´ll kill him, I´ll kill him._


	41. Love

**Chapter 41(Love)**

A tear ran over Jonathan´s cheek and he swallowed hard while wiping it out of his face and kept on staring at the sea.

_He hardly couldn´t believe it when Elliot Crane suddenly disappeared out of his and Mom´s life half a year later - and here again there hasn´t been a word of apologies or even a word of regret._

_It was the opposite. Jonathan´s last memory on Elliot Crane was how he was yelling through the house right in the middle of the night and then got into his car with his few belongings to disappear in the dark of the night forever. _

Was it Mom´s fear to be alone when she was standing in front of Jonathan that night, crying and sobbing "Your father has left us**"?**

Was Mom anticipating already that Dr. Luis Burton - Jonathan´s real father – would never abandon his wife and his two children - Jonathan´s half-sisters - to declare himself to his lover and his illegitimate son?

Indeed, Dr. Luis Burton´s behaviour towards Jonathan had changed over the last years. He had paid his medical studies at university and through his interference, he had made sure that Jonathan´s former "career" as a biochemist wouldn´t have a negative influence. Maybe he really felt something like love for Jonathan, but it was obvious as well that he also wanted to calm his bad conscience by giving financial support.

And he had every reason to have a bad conscience as Jonathan was very sure that Luis Burton could have prevented a lot of what had happened. Mom wouldn´t have been mistreated and humiliated by this deadbeat of a husband over and over again. And Jonathan wouldn´t have been a illegitimate child – if Dr. Luis Burton and Mom would have married and if his real father would have adopted his son, Jonathan wouldn´t have been the bastard of a brutal brawler and lady-killer in the public anymore. He would have been able to get rid of the name which was connected only with negative things of his past. He would have been able to ban the last remains of Elliot Crane finally out of his life.

But his wishes and thoughts didn´t change anything of the fact, who Jonathan really was, no matter what name he had. Maybe he wasn´t that different as both men, he had known as his fathers. A deadbeat, someone with education and a academical degree, but without spine, a coward. Arrogant, corrupt, a man with two faces – a bastard ... and a murderer.

_Will Alexandra still love me if she knows that I´m a bastard? That I´m the bastard who has killed her family?´,_ flashed through his head.

Jonathan didn´t know - and he couldn´t think about it anymore now, he even didn´t want to.

Tired, Jonathan rubbed his eyes and turned away from the balcony window. He realized how exhausted he was ad probably it would be the best to take a nap, hoping to escape from his dark past for at least a couple of hours – but was this possible at all?

_I´m sure, Alexandra won´t mind if I´d take a nap now.´,_ Jonathan thought while grabbing his sweatshirt, wanting to pull it over his head.

"Let me do this.", he suddenly could hear a soft voice and Jonathan let go of his sweatshirt.

He looked into the direction where the voice has come from - and he could see Alexandra standing in the doorway to the bathroom. The shower was switched off, Alexandra was wearing a white bathrobe and her long hair was damp from the shower. Jonathan didn´t say anything and just looked at Alexandra when she walked over to him.

Alexandra placed her hands on his chest, still without saying a word. Jonathan touched her wet hair and for a moment, he thought of the rainy afternoon so many years ago – this day which had changed so much for them. His hand moved forward to Alexandra´s cheek. He could feel her warm skin under his fingertips and Jonathan felt her soft lips kissing his palm. Alexandra touched his hand and pressed it lightly against her cheek while covering his hand with kisses, slowly and softly. Alexandra closed her eyes and Jonathan could hear her sighing lightly.

They gazed into each other´s eyes without saying anything when Alexandra´s hands gently gripped Jonathan´s arms and pulled them up slowly. Carefully she took off his sweatshirt and Jonathan´s white T-shirt came to light.

Their lips met to a long, soft kiss. Their tongues explored each other, gently but though passionately, longing, yearning. Jonathan could feel his heart beating faster and his exhaustion was gone at one blow. It seemed to him as if his blood would have hibernated in his body all over the years and since Alexandra was back in his life again, he didn´t want anything else then feel her close to him.

How many times he had laid alone on the bed in this room? How many times he had been longing for Alexandra? How many times he was imagining to touch her, to kiss her, to taste her? How many times he had seen her in front of him, stroking him, kissing her way over his chest down to his loins? How many times he had wished it would be her, caressing his manhood with her soft lips, her tongue and her hands? How many times he had moaned, his hands dug in her hips while she was riding him slowly? How many times he had kissed and licked her breasts hungrily while Alexandra thrusted his manhood deeply into her body? How many times he had heard her shouting his name while she came hard? How many times they had been laying there, Jonathan still inside her, kissing each other and holding each other? How many times they have told each other "I love you" – and how many times Jonathan had cried when he realized that he was all alone in he room?

Jonathan placed his hands on Alexandra´s hips while she was stroking his chest through the T-shirt.

Now, everything was different! He wasn´t in the room all alone, now Alexandra was with him. What he was dreaming of so many years had come true finally! She was back in his life. She was by his side again – and he was sure that Alexandra still wanted him.

Jonathan didn´t know why but suddenly the same thought he have had just a few minutes ago, flashed through his mind again.

_Can you still love me, Alex? Would you still love me even if you would know what I am?´_

"Alex, there is something I have...", Jonathan started in a low voice and gazed into her eyes.

Then he could feel her fingers on her mouth.

"Shh.. Jon, don´t speak..", she whispered and Jonathan´s voice died.

Her hands moved softly over Jonathan´s cheek and his lips, feeling, seeking. It seemed as if Alexandra wasn´t sure if Jonathan would really stand in front of her.

_Love, I´m here.´,_ he whispered to her in his thoughts. _I´m here with you and I´ll stay here with you.´_

Alexandra bended over to Jonathan and kissed him again, deep and tender. He returned her kiss.

Jonathan could feel Alexandra´s hands moving down to his jeans. Her tongue explored his mouth, soft and tender when Alexandra unbuttoned his pants and pulled out slowly his T-shirt. Jonathan rose his arms and gazed deeply into Alexandra´s eyes while taking off his T-shirt carefully. He could feel her soft hands on his cheek againwhich now moved though his chest hair, followed by Alexandra´s sweet lips.

Jonathan layed back his head and closed his eyes. He was longing so badly to do everything with her they were doing now. Jonathan opened his eyes again and he still could feel her lips and hands on his chest.

_Oh Alex, I have missed you so much!´_

Jonathan felt like a dried up plant, not having received water for an eternity. And now it seemed as if the flood would break over him and now he wanted to absorb as much water as he could. And this water was Alexandra – he wanted her so much, he needed her so much...

Jonathan´s hands touched Alexandra´s hips again. He wanted to pull her towards himbut then he could feel Alexandra´s hands coveing his. She gazed into his eyes without saying anything and Jonathan stopped moving. She kissed him again, softly, tenderly, exploring him. Jonathan swallowed when Alexandra´s hands moved over his arms to his chest again, caressing his nipples. Her lips and tongue moved over his throat down to his chest. Jonathan closed his eyes and he moaned softly when he could feel Alexandra´s lips and tongue touching his nipple. Jonathan´s hands touched Alexandra´s hair and softly, he pressed her head against his chest.

"Oh Alex, please don´t stop.", Jonathan panted and he could feel his heart throbbing wildly in his body.

Alexandra´s hands moved slowly over his chest and his arms, followed by her lips. Slowly, Jonathan opened his eyes again. He could feel Alexandra breaking off his embrace and going around him step by step, stroking and kissing every inch of his skin on her way – his arm, his shoulder-blade, his back, his other shoulder-blade, his other arm...

Jonathan´s gaze followed Alexandra as much as he could. Every kiss, every touch of her was electrifying and in this moment Jonathan just wished that time would stop.

Alexandra placed her arms around Jonathan´s neck again and gazed deeply into his eyes. He took her face into his hands and this time Alexandra didn´t protest when Jonathan pulled her towards him. Their lips met to a hot fervant kiss and Jonathan embraced Alexandra firmly. Their tongues touched each other and Alexandra moaned softly when Jonathan´s tongue entered her deeply.

Nobody was so tender and so passionate at the same time like him. All over the years, she has hated Jonathan but though she was longing for him all the time as well. She had realized it the last days and she had realized as well how much she had pushed away her love for him all over the years.

Even Alexandra had longed for love though. She was longing for a man who wanted her, who wanted her as a woman in spite of her wounds, in spite of her scars. She was longing for a man who would love her in a way as every woman wished to be loved by a man – to be worshipped. A man, who would fulfill a woman´s every wish. A man who would do everything for her, who would walk the wire for her. And as ironically as it was: The man, who has done the worst, a person could do to another one, was the man who loved her in the way she always had wished. And Alexandra realized that she loved this man, that she loved Jonathan and that she wanted him.

But Alexandra feared to commit a betrayal on her parents and her brother now. Would they approve if they knew how much Jonathan regretted what he had done? And would they forgive him and would they forgive her as well if they could see how happy Alexandra was with Jonathan now?

Alexandra had pulled Jonathan softly into the direction of the bed while kissing each other. Now they were just a few steps away from the edge of the bed. Again, Alexandra kissed her way down over Jonathan´s chest and opened slowly the zipper of his pants. His erection was quite visible and Alexandra tried to be careful as much as possible not to hurt him. She could hear Jonathan´s moans when she slowly kissed along at the edge of his boxers, then she helped Jonathan to take off his jeans. Again they kissed passionately and Alexandra could feel Jonathan´s hardened manhood at her body when he pulled her towards him again. His hands clinged into Alexandra´s bathrobe and Jonathan prepared to slip it off her body but then he could feel Alexandra´s hands covering his again.

Alexandra softly pushed Jonathan away from her. He gazed at her, irritated and he feared to have done something wrong when Alexandra broke off his embrace and walked 2-3 steps backwards into the direction of the bed. Jonathan didn´t dare to say anything. Instead, he gazed at Alexandra while she loosened the knot of her bathrobe, slipping it slowly over her body and letting it falling down to the ground.

_Can you still love me, Jonathan? I´m not a beautiful woman and you could have every other woman, you could have a better woman, a more beautiful woman. Can you still want me like this?´_

Insecure, Alexandra gazed at Jonathan, but inside he felt so happy about what she has done just a couple of seconds ago. This was the first time she had undressed in front of him like this. Jonathan knew how uncomfortable she felt and how insecure she was because of all her scars and he could just assume how much effort it must have costed her now - and he even loved her more for that.

Jonathan´s gaze moved slowly over Alexandra´s body. Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable and for a moment she was thinking of grabbing her bathrobe and running out of the roombut then she paused when she noticed Jonathan coming over to her and embracing her.

"You´re so beautiful.", he whispered and Alexandra sighed in relief when Jonathan started to kiss her again.

She had been so scared that Jonathan might turn away from her if he would see her like this – standing naked in front of him, her body littered with scars. But all the last days, she has been together with him, she has been intimate with him, Jonathan didn´t show her even once that her scars would bother him, that he would want her less because of them. So why was she so afraid that it would be different now?

Alexandra swallowed heavily and a shiver ran down her back when Jonathan´s hands moved slowly over her neck and her breasts, followed by his lips. She didn´t move and touched Jonathan´s hair when he kneeled down in front of her and kissed softly her belly. Jonathan closed his eyes and he hoped, his kisses would reach Alexandra´s hurt soul when his lips covered the big butterfly-shaped scar on her belly with kisses.

Alexandra gazed down at Jonathan and she still wasn´t sure if this all was really happening or if this was was just a dream. Maybe she wasn´t here at all and she would wake up every second and she would realize that she was still in jail in Asia – or maybe even in the dark, shabby hotel room she was living in, Henri Ducard inside her, satisfying his lust for her – without questions, without consideration, without tenderness.

_No, that´s not possible. I´m not in Asia anymore, I´m here.´_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

She closed her eyes and threw her head in her neck, moaning aloud when she could feel Jonathan´s lips and tongue in the center of her lust. Her hands clinged into his hair while his fingers caressed her labia and his tongue and his lips softly kissed and licked her wet clit. Her scent was intoxicating and Jonathan could feel his hard manhood, the blood pulsing from shaft to tip. He felt it so strongly it almost hurt. He could feel the fabric of his boxers pressing against his arousal, though Jonathan didn´t dare to take them off.

Instead he rose slowly and kissed his way up again, up to Alexandra´s mouth.

"My goddess.", he whispered softly and he felt how Alexandra´s body trembled when he embraced her with one hand, kissing her deeply and passionate again while his other hand still caressed her magical triangle.

He could feel how wet Alexandra was, how much her body was longing to finally welcome him. Alexandra got hot and cold under Jonathan´s touches and she wasn´t sure how much longer she could stand it.

Jonathan paused in his movements when he could feel Alexandra´s hand again. He gazed into her eyes and he didn´t protest when she pulled him softly into the direction of the bed and sat down on the edge in front of him. Her hands moved over Jonathan´s chest hair and his abdomen again while Alexandra kissed along the small trail of hair between his belly button and the edge of his boxers. He could feel her hot breath on his skin and Jonathan noticed how much he had to fight now not to lose control. Alexandra had straddled her legs lightly to pull him towards her a bit more and the view of her warm, wet vagina excited Jonathan even more. He could feel the tensed fabric of his boxers starting to hurt him and as if Alexandra could read his mind, she started to take off his shorts slowly. With every inch, Jonathan´s manhood came to light, stretching hardened and trembling towards her.

Her fingers clung into the soft flesh of his hips when her lips and tongue started to explore and caress his manhood, licking, nibbling, kissing, sucking. Jonathan groaned aloud and threw his head onto his neck. His hands clunginto Alexandra´s hair while her mouth rhythmically moved up and down at him and he could hear her moans while sucking him and massaging him with her hands.

"Oh Alex...Alex!", Jonathan moaned aloud and closed his eyes.

He could feel his knees giving way when Alexandra´s tongue softly touched the head while her hand gripped his manhood and kept on massaging him.

It was all so wonderful what she was doing to him and his whole body yearned so much for her – but suddenly ElliotCrane flashed through his mind again. He remembered his way to treat women, he could remember what he had seen at Tina´s Diner´. He was sure that Elliot Crane might have forced the women to do the same Alexandra was doing on him now and probably he had pressed her head firmly against himself, her manhood still inside her when he came. And probably the women would have turned away disgusted from him when he was done. By no means Jonathan wanted that! He didn´t want to be like his father! He didn´t wanted to do that to Alexandra! He couldn´t do that! He couldn´t nor he wanted to come in her mouth!

"Alex, wait..", Jonathan panted and touched her hands and her face while he softly pushed himself away from her.

Alexandra didn´t protest but said softly: "What´s wrong, Jonathan?" when he gently pulled her up towards him and kissed her passionately again.

"I can´t do that, Alex.", Jonathan whispered softly and she could hear his trembling voice when their lips brushed and she felt his hot breath on her face. "I can´t do that.. I can´t like this.."

"Shhh.. Love, everything´s okay...", Alexandra responded softly and kissed Jonathan again before he could say anything.

Something had happened and probably it had something to do with what she has done recently. Alexandra could feel, something was bothering him but it just wasn´t the right moment to talk about it now.

Alexandra covered Jonathan´s face with kisses, trying to distract him from his dark thoughts – and trying to distract herself from her dark thoughts. Her thoughts on all the men who had come in her mouth although she had detested it. The thoughts on how many times she was forced to give a man a blow-job although it made her sick to touch the man at all. How many times did her mind leave her body in this moment to stand this sight at all? She had stopped to count the times she had passed in the bathroom, retching, her mouth burning and hurting due to the callous thrusts of the men and the bitter taste of their semen on her tongue.

The only man where she believed it would be different was Jonathan. And Jonathan _was_ different - and he didn´t know what a favour he just did to Alexandra with his behaviour. Although it was so nice to feel him and to taste him, her thoughts from the past tortured her.

Jonathan smiled lightly, thankful that Alexandra didn´t ask him anymore when she pulled him softly towards her on the bed. He held her tight as they both lay down gently. They were kissing each other over and over again and Jonathan´s hands moved slowly and gently over Alexandra´s body. Jonathan followed them with his lips and covered every inch of her skin with kisses. Both had started to sweat and Jonathan felt the salty taste of her sweat on his lips when the tip of his tongue circled her hardened nipples as he started to suck her breasts lightly.

He could hear Alexandra moaning aloud and he felt her hands clung to his hair when his hands moved softly over her belly and his lips kissed their way down. For a moment, Jonathan gripped Alexandra´s hips firmly and rested with his head on her abdomen – and when he could feel Alexandra´s hands on his head, stroking his hair, he knew he was at home again. Jonathan Crane had returned and he was at home again, at home with her. Both gazed at each other, before Jonathan´s lips continued their way down, down to Alexandra´s thighs. Sofly, he kissed her inner sides and Alexandra´s hands clung to the bedstead when Jonathan started again to explore her magical triangle, licking and kissing.

"Oh Jonathan!", Alexandra panted aloud and she had the feeling she would float away every moment if she wouldn´t grip at the bed tightly enough.

Jonathan was excited even more through the gaze at Alexandra´s sex and her tongue entered her deeply, caressing her while his hand rubbed softly over her G-spot. He wanted to absorb her he wanted to feel her, smell her, taste her. He wanted to be one with her in every possible way. Jonathan remembered how he had touched Alexandra that way 12 years ago – in their night in the cabin where they had made love not only once. Since then, he never had kissed and licked a woman like he was doing now with Alexandra.

Alexandra swallowed and beathed heavily. The last days, Jonathan had managed it to give me more lust than a man every could before and she hardly believed that it was still possible to increase. He wasn´t like the other men she had before. Jonathan took his time for her, to please her, he didn´t care just for his own satisfaction, he wasn´t callous. He was stroking her, he was kissing her, he was licking her, he called her "my goddess" - no one but Jonathan ever called her this in her life. She was overwhelmed by her feelings and she didn't know how to integrate them – as much as she knew these feelings already as new they were just in that moment.

Jonathan could feel Alexandra´s body trembling and he paused. Softly, he kissed Alexandra´s thighs before he kissed his way up again.

Alexandra was breathing fast and her heart throbbed like crazy. She knew, she couldn´t stand it any longer. She wanted to feel him close to her, she wanted to feel him inside her – and she knew that Jonathan was feeling the same.

Her lips and tongues met to a deep kiss when Jonathan softly entered Alexandra. For a split second, Alexandra could see the young Jonathan Crane in front of her again, his insecure facial expression, overwhealmed by his feelings, just as she was as well now. They weren´t two seperated bodies anymore, they were now one, one body, one soul. Reunited after such a long time, the lost souls had found each other again.

Alexandra embraced Jonathan firmly and he kissed her over and over again while he was thrusting her softly. Their lips touched and their hearts beat together to the rhythm of their act of love. Alexandra twined her legs around Jonathan´s body and her hands clung into his back when Jonathan´s thrusts got deeper and more passionate. Like so many years ago, Alexandra enjoyed every single thrust, she felt Jonathan´s hardened manhood pressing forward, deeper and deeper into her body and with every thrust, her lust got stronger.

Jonathan whispered her name over and over again und they smiled lightly at each other when their lips brushed and met to a deep, passionate kiss.

Both gazed into each other´s eyes and for a moment Jonathan stopped. His hand stroke Alexandra´s hair and he could feel her hot breath on his skin when their lips brushed again.

_Alex, tell me that you love me.',_ flashed through Jonathan´s mind and he wasn´t sure if he had said it aloud or if he was just thinking it.

Alexandra kissed him again and suddenly, Jonathan could feel her pressing against his chest with her hands. Jonathan let it happen and he didn´t protest when she turned him on his back and mounted him. His manhood entered Alexandra deeply and both moaned aloud lustfully. Jonathan placed his hands on her hips, watching and enjoying her riding him softly. Alexandra´s firm nipples stretched against Jonathanm waiting desireously to get kissed and licked. His hands moved up and covered her breasts. Alexandra´s fingers touched his face and his lips. Jonathan kissed her fingers and sucked then while Alexandra kept on thrusting him. Alexandra bent down for a moment and kissed Jonathan deeply and passionate.

_Alex, tell me that you love me...´,_ flashed again through Jonathan´s mind, when Alexandra straightened up and her thrusts became deeper now.

Jonathan groaned aloud and his grip around Alexandra´s hips became firmer.

"Alex..", Jonathan whispered when he straightened up, starting to kiss and lick her nipples hungrily.

Alexandra moaned aloud as because of Jonathan sitting up, he entered her even deeper. She twined his arms around his neck and Jonathan gripped her hips again. He gazed deep into her eyes when he was leading her and his manhood entered her deeper and deeper. Jonathan realized that it was Alexandra now fighting her tears and he could remember their first time together in the cabin, he could remember his tears of lust.

"Don't be afraid, everything's okay..", he whispered when their lips brushed and Alexandra moaned softly with every thrust.

Her fingers touched his face and his lips while Jonathan kept on leading her. Alexandra bit her lower lip while Jonathan softly kissed her fingers, him thrusting inside her even more.

Alexandra could feel herself trembling. Jonathan was inside her, so deep, so hard. She could see his bright blue eyes, his thick black hair. She could feel his wonderful soft lips, his hands leading her, she could hear the moans of his dark voice. She kissed him and she could hear him panting when Jonathan´s grip got firmer and her thrusts deeper.

"Alex...tell me that you love me..", Jonathan whispered barely to be heard and placed a hand into Alexandra´s neck while she thrusted his manhood even more inside her.

Alexandra gazed into Jonathan´s eyes, their lips brushing again and suddenly she had the feeling, that Jonathan´s face started to change. Everything indeed started to fade and for a split second, Alexandra was seized with panic. But then she could feel something she hadn´t felt for a very long time. Jonathan wasn´t just Jonathan anymore, he was someone who was so familiar to hear like no one else. A very old soul, she has met somewhere else, at another place, in another time, in another life.

"My lover.. my lord..", Jonathan could hear Alexandra whispering and in this moment he could feel Alexandra´s body prancing and she moaned aloud.

She gazed deeply into his eyes the entire time and Jonathan could see a tear running down her face when the orgasm flashed through Alexandra´s body. Her contractions surrounded Jonathan´s manhood and he groaned aloud, holding Alexandra as firm as he could. She felt so wonderful when she came and he enjoyed every single moment of her orgasm, every single move of her body, every single contraction. Jonathan almost had the feeling to have come as well although he knew it wasn´t true. He felt Alexandra´s hot breath on his skin and he could taste her salty tears, which were running over Alexandra´s face now when their lips united for a soft kiss.

Slowly he kissed her tears out off her face and Jonathan knew it wouldn´t be the last time that Alexandra would come. He had felt how much lust he had given her the first days, he had felt how much lust she had given to him. The sex with other women always had been short an without passion and Jonathan always had been glad when it was over, the faster the better. But with Alexandra, everything was different. He didn´t want it being over that fast. He wanted it to last long. He wanted to do it with her for hours – and he would do everything to stand it a long time, even if that meant to think on something else in-between, either on patient sessions or Arkham´s financial state of the current year. He would think on everything that prevented from letting him come too soon.

Alexandra allowed Jonathan to turn her back on her back on to the bed. He entered her again, thrusting her softly. Both panted and sweated and their lips brushed when Jonathan embraced Alexandra firmly and his thrusts got deeper again.

"Oh Jon..", Alexandra moaned panting and closed her eyes, while her hands clung into his back.

She felt Jonathan´s hot breath at her ear when his lips and his teeth started to nibble and to suck at her ear and her neck, leaving red hot trails behind.

"Tell me that you love me.", Jonathan whispered softly, when Alexandra turned him around again and mounted him.

His hands clinged her hips again and he enjoyed Alexandra starting to ride him again. A light smile played around her lips and her hands moved over Jonathan´s chest while she desireously thrusted his manhood deeply inside her. Jonathan smiled when his hands touched her face and Alexandra started to suck them whil his other hand moved over her body.

It was so wonderful how she was riding him, it felt so good. Though, he wanted to feel her entire body, he wanted to feel her skin close to him. Jonathan gripped Alexandra and turned her around again, wanting to lay her back on the bed with her back - and both startled for a short moment when suddenly they couldn´t feel the matress under them anymore and slipped over the edge of the bed dwn to the floor with the blanket and the pillows. Through their changes of positions they didn´t noticed how they were rolling over the bed in direction to the edge. Alexandra and Jonathan giggled and for a split second they were just laying there when Alexandra tried to crawl back on the bed again.

She laughed aloud when she could feel Jonathan´s grip on her ankle and finally she let go when he pulled her back again down to the floor, giggling aloud.


	42. Three Words

**Chapter 42 (Three words)**

It was dark outside and the candles wrapped the room into a soft light. Although the windows were closed, Alexandra could hear the rush of the sea and it made her feel safe and sound.

Alexandra and Jonathan had laughed a lot after slipping down from the bed. Alexandra had tried a couple of times to crawl back onto the bed, but Jonathan always kept on pulling her back down to him on the floor next the the bed, giggling.

Alexandra had laughed aloud and she started when Jonathan´s hands had touched her waist.

"Jonathan.. no.. stop it!", Alexandra shouted after he realized what reaction his touches caused on her.

"Oh, is someone ticklish here!", Jonathan shouted and he had a big grin on his face when he started to tickle Alexandra while she tried to stop him, laughing.

Alexandra almost cried laughing when she jumped up and ran through the room, Jonathan following her to keep tickling her. Both were now romping about like two young, happy children, fooling around and teasing each other. Alexandra and Jonathan laughed aloud again when he had pulled her back onto the floor next to the bed, back on the blanket.

Both were out of breath and they smiled at each other, gazing into each others eyes when Alexandra´s hand softly touched Jonathan´s cheek. Jonathan´s hand strokedAlexandra´s soft hair and he bent down to kiss her softly. Alexandra had returned his kiss and both were taken firmly into each others arms when they continued from where they had been interrupted, making love this afternoon for the second time.

Now it was early evening and both were laying on the bed again. They didn´t leave the hotel room for the rest of the day. After making love, they lay in each others arms, stroking each other, kissing each other and enjoying each other's nearness and warmth. In between, they ate the fruits and the chocolates in their room, they were laughing and fooling around and afterwards, they embraced each other, making love again.

Both were now laying on their sides on the bed again and Alexandra gazed directly into Jonathan´s face. His hand was placed under the pillow and his eyes were closed. Alexandra could see his thorax rising and falling calmly. Jonathan was sleeping.

Alexandra pulled her pillow closer towards her, propped on her arm and looked at Jonathan´s face. Her gaze moved over every contour of his face, over every line and in this moment Alexandra just wished that time would stop and that she could look at him like this forever. She smiled lightly when she noticed Jonathan´s freckles on his cheeks and his throat. They were very pale and only recognizable when someone was standing very close to Jonathan. Though it gave something boyish to his face and by seeing him like this, it was hard to believe that he was a young doctor, going through the world always with a serious gaze and keeping the people away from him with his arrogant and cold behaviour. Without the glasses and having these freckles, Jonathan looked even younger than he was – but though, this face was familiar to her for such a long time now. And Alexandra didn´t mean these 4 years she has spent with him together nor she didn´t mean the time going by until they met each other again. It was a time lasting so long, longer than she could even think, longer than she could even realize.

Suddenly, Alexandra realized something that happened to her while making love to Jonathan, when she gazed into his eyes while coming. Yes, she saw him, but not just in that moment. It seemed like as if she was looking into his eyes for years, like decades, maybe centuries or thousands of years, maybe even from a former life.

She hadn´tdealt a lot with religion during her time in Asia, she already lost her faith a long time ago, but a lot of times she was listening to the people talking about reincarnation, about experiences in former lives and about being connected to people throughout former lives. Alexandra always had dismissed it as humbug and lousy tricks – but when she gazed into Jonathan´s face, she realized that she had been wrong.

Yes, she knew him a longer time than she had believed before and in spite that there still were so many things between them, she felt so close and safe at Jonathan´s side as she never felt with another person before – in spite of her doubts she has had this afternoon. Her doubts to lose her liberty, her doubts to become dependent on him.

Softly, Alexandra´s fingers moved along Jonathan´s eyebrow and stroked his thick black hair.

She still couldn´t believe how much her life has changed over the last few days. She had come to Gotham, wanting to kill Jonathan. Twelve years long she has hated him so much for what he had done to her, hear heart had been so hardened. But this man who had hurt her so much, this man had found the key to her heart again – and suddenly Alexandra realized that she had learned through Jonathan to love again. And she had learned again to forgive.

She knew, she would never forget what Jonathan had done to her – but she could feel at the bottom of her heart that she was willing to forgive his deed and probably she had done it already. Indeed, they still had a lot to talk about, talk about everything that happened but it wouldn´t change anything what she was feeling for Jonathan.

Alexandra thought about what Jonathan had told her this afternoon. That he never stopped loving her all the time. That he always had returned to this place to remember everything and not to lose his mind.

Until now Alexandra realized, how much she was fooling herself over the last 12 years. And until now she realized that her hatred hadn´tbeen anything else than her fear to confess she still lovedJonathan in spite of his terrible deed.

Having the good fortune of loving someone so much as you only have once in your life.

_You were so right with this, Jonathan.´_, Alexandra thought, realizing that her love of him was stronger than her hatred over the last 12 years ever could have been.

Though, Alexandra still didn´t understand, what Jonathan had meant by saying not to lose his mind.

Did he mean his despair, believing that she was dead?

Was he talking about his doings with Ducard and Falcone?

Or was he talking about something else?

There still were so many open questions, so many things they didn´t say to each other yet and Alexandra didn´t know if Jonathan was willing to be honest with her – even _she_ didn´t tell him theentire truth this afternoon.

But maybe both would find the courage and the willingness through their love, revealing their darkest secrets and finding a way together.

Alexandra knew, it would be hard but she also realized that she wanted to be together with Jonathan, no matter what would happen now.

"I don´t want to lose you, Jonathan." she whispered softly and stroke his eyebrow again. "I don´t want to lose you ever again."

Jonathan slowly opened his eyes.

Alexandra´s hand now rested on his shoulder and she gazed deeply into Jonathan´s piercing blue eyes.

"Hey.", he said softly and a light smile whisked over his face.

"Hey.", Alexandra whispered, smiling too.

"Can´t you sleep?", Jonathan asked and touched Alexandra´s cheek. "Did you have a bad dream again?"

She swallowed heavily

"I.. I´m scared to close my eyes, Jonathan." she said softly and she could hear her voice trembling. "I´m scared you won´t be here anymore if I open my eyes again."

For a moment, Jonathan looked at her without saying a word. Alexandra bit her lower lip, fearing of having said something wrong. She feared that she had become too sentimental now and Jonathan was angry about this – but he just gazed at her and his eyeslooking a bit surprised but also soft, almost tender, no sign of being angry.

"Come on." Jonathan finally said, propped on his arm and gripped Alexandra´s hand. "Close your eyes."

Alexandra swallowed and she could feel how insecure she got now.

"Ye..yes?" she whispered in a low voice and she could feel herself trembling.

Jonathan approachedAlexandra a bit more and now she could feel his hand on her cheek.

"Close your eyes."

Alexandra hesitated for a moment, then she closed her eyes and she could feel Jonathan´s warm, soft hand covering her face. She hesitated again when she heard Jonathan´s dark voice.

"Now open your eyes again."

Alexandra´s heart was throbbing like crazy when she opened her eyes slowly again and for a split second she believed that Jonathan indeed had disappeared – but the she gazed into the man´s eyes she loved so much.

"See? I´m still here..." Jonathan said softly and her embraced her firmly when Alexandra bent over to him without saying anything, kissing him softly.

Over the entire afternoon he had wished to finally hear from her what he had told her already so many times. What he had told her when they were making love this afternoon – these three words which didn´t come over Alexandra´s lips although he asked so much for them. And now his heart gushed over when he finally heard these three words from Alexandra – these three words he had written on a piece of paper and placing it into her cell phone days ago.

The words she was telling him for the first time since Alexandra was back in his life again.

"I love you.. Jonathan Thomas Crane."


	43. Question and Answer

**Chapter 43 (Question and Answer)**

Jonathan gazed at the nightstand to the big LED display on the clock radio.

It was 02:30 a.m.

He stood up to put on new candles and gazed out of the big balcony window. The moon was shining brightly and the water onthe sea was glittering in the light. The stars were sparkling and the noise of the sea whispered into Jonathan´s ears.

He sneaked into the bathroom before to give himself a new injection. Scarecrow had been quiet over the rest of the day, but Jonathan wanted to play it safe. Though he couldn´t deny the first signs of the medication´s side effects either. He had been awakened bathed in perspiration, his heart racing, his hands had started to shake again. Even if Jonathan didn´t hear Scarecrow´s voice, he knew that he always was there. After doing the injection, Jonathan wondered if his symptoms indeed were the first side effects of the medication or if it was Scarecrow doing this to him. Jonathan tried to push his thoughts away and switched off the light when he walked over to the balcony window silently.

In his thoughts, Jonathan reviewed the entire afternoon again. The confession of his neverending love, something unspoken he had carried in his heart for so many years. Alexandra, how she was telling him of her time of pain and dispair while they were having lunch. The young girl, Adelle, reminding him of his own child, Alexandra´s and his child, the child he would never have. He remembered his tears at the beach promenade and Alexandra being close to him, taking him into her arms. He could see her in front of him, kissing him in the hotel room, touching him and slowly undressing him. And Jonathan remembered the sex they had over the entire afternoon, they had last evening and they had tonight.

So much pain they still had inside, though so much love they felt for each other and Jonathan still couldn´t believe what had happened over the last days - and what was happening now.

He still wasn´t sure if his mind just was fooling him again or if he just was dreaming everything. But then he saw Alexandra, sleeping so peacefully and he knew that everything was real.

Jonathan realized that he wasn´t the same Jonathan Crane he had been a couple of days ago before Alexandra had come back into his life. Twelve years ago, he had sworn to himself not to love somebody ever again like he had loved her. He had managed it for 12 years, that no one ever got too close to him, especially not another woman. He had created his own small world, where everything had its system,its order, itsscientific reason and its place. In his world, there had been no space for love and his coldness, arrogance and sarcasm were the perfect tools to keep everything and everybody away from him - everything that could come too close and to hurting him. And now Alexandra had managed it within a couple of days to break his shell and open the door he had locked so many years ago.

Indeed she had broken into his intact world like a small tornado and hadmixed up everythingthat could have been mixed up in his life and suddenly Jonathan realized he didn´t mind it. How unimportant these little things had become which once had been so important to him before.

Before it never would have occured to him to drive around in a dented car for days. Before he never had the idea to drive around with the top down and singing a tune at the same time. It never had come into his mind to talk about his private life to a patient like Mrs.García. He never had the idea before to order a woman´s clothes after a night spent together or to write her "I love you" - to say "I love you" to anyone at all. And although Jonathan knew there still were so many unspoken things between him and Alexandra, he realized he didn´t want to be without her.He didn´t want to be without her love anymore - and for the second time in his life, he had the same thought he already had once 12 years ago.

Alexandra had turned on her other side and still was sleeping when Jonathan returned to the bed and slipped under the blanket. He stroked Alexandra´s back and gently kissed her shoulder.

"Alex?", he said in a low voice and stretched his head over her shoulder to see if her eyes still were closed.

He propped up his arm whilehis other hand moved softly over Alexandra´s hips, forward to her belly.

"Hmmmm?" he could hear her murmuring.

He felt her touching his hand, pulling it lightly towards her to her breasts.

"Are you awake?", Jonathan asked and kissed her shoulder again.

Alexandra frowned but her eyes were still closed.

"No.", she murmered and Jonathan noticed a light smile on her lips.

He knew that Alexandra was awake. She was just saying that to tease him.

"Good.." he responded and grinned. "It´s easier for me then..."

Alexandra giggled lightly. She kept her eyes closed, but Jonathan knew that she was awake now and listening to him.

He took a deep breath.

"You know?" he finally started. "I´ve wondered, if you´ll leave Gotham again ... when you´re done with your work.."

Alexandra opened her eyes, but she didn't move or turnaround.

"What makes you think that I will leave Gotham again?" she asked in a low voice. "Do you want me to go away again?"

Indeed this question wasn´t unreasonable. Alexandra had told him she would work at different locations - which had been the truth, omitting the real purpose of her work.

"Oh no, no.." Jonathan replied and placed his chin on her shoulder. "It´s quite the opposite."

He took a deep breath again and bit his lower lip for a split second.

"Alex, I love you ... and I don´t want you to go away.." he finally said in a firm voice, but could feel how he was trembling. "You know? I mean ... so much has happened ... and I know there are still so many things, we ... but I want you to know that."

Alexandra gazed seriously now.

"Alex, I want you to stay with me ... and I want to share my life with you ... I want to grow old with you, Alex."

Alexandra swallowed and for a moment she didn´t know what to do. Then she took heart to turn to him.

"Jonathan Thomas Crane .. is this a proposal of marriage you just asked me?" she said with a trembling voice and gazed into Jonathan´s eyes.

For a moment he just looked at her.

"I ... I don´t know ... I think so ... yes, I guess so." he replied and bit his lower lip again.

Alexandra gasped for air and for a moment, Jonathan believed that she was angry, but then he could see her smiling lightly.

"Umm.. wow." she stuttered finally. "I ... honestly, I didn´t expect something like this now ... I mean ..."

"Okay, wait..." Jonathan interrupted her, touching her hand and gazing firmly into her eyes. "I will do it again ... Alexandra Wentzler, do you want to marry me?"

"Oh Jon.." Alexandra stuttered again."I ... I don´t know what to say..."

Alexandra shook her head. She was overwhealmed by hearing this from Jonathan. Her heart and every fibre of her body wanted to scream a loud "Yes,"but her mind told her something else. Her concerns were still too big, even her fear was still too great. The fear of losing her freedom the fear of becoming dependent on Jonathan. But above all, there was still too much unspoken between them; they still were not honest to each other. What future would their marriage have if it was built on lies?

"You know? This all is going too fast for me, Jon. I mean, we haven´t seen each other for aneternity and we still have so much we have to.. " Alexandra started in a low voice.

"Listen.." Jonathan interrupted her again. "I do know this all is going too fast and I know it´s also a very strange moment proposing to you now, but I want you to know what I feel, Alex."

Alexandra didn´t know what else to say and Jonathan noticed how much she was looking for the right words. How could she make him understand that she loved him and that she wanted to marry him? But she couldn´t marry him – at least not now. It still wasn´t the right time for it!

"Would you think about it?" Jonathan finally asked and gazed into Alexandra´s eyes.

He was disappointed not to get an answer from her on his question. On the flip side he knew that she couldn´t say "Yes" now. Alexandra was right. Too much still was unspoken, too much was hidden still, but Jonathan was willing to work off the past with Alexandra and take the first step for their future together.

"Please think about it." he said in a low voice and pressed her hand.

"I will." Alexandra responded softly and turned around again on her pillow, pulling Jonathan´s hand with her again.

Jonathan snuggled up to her and kissed her shoulder. He didn´t say anything anymore as he knew, how much he had surprised Alexandra with his proposal. If he was honest, he even had surprised himself, but he also was glad that he had asked her. From over 12 years ago, he finally asked Alexandra - and he feared he probably would never get a second chance.

Alexandra´s gaze moved around in the room, which had been plunged into the candlelight and although a thousand thoughts were flashing through her head, how to decide – deep at the bottom of her heart she already knew the answer.


	44. A New Day

**Chapter 44 (A New Day)**

It was late in the morning already when Alexandra and Jonathan got up.

Both had woken up alternately right in the middle of the night. Alexandra was standing at the balcony window, staring at the moon and the sea. Jonathan´s proposal of marriage flashed through her mind over and over again and when she saw him laying in bed, sleeping so peacefully and his skin gleaming velvetly in the moonlight, she was wondering if she had made the right decision by not saying "Yes" at once.

Alexandra had mused a long time before she had fallen asleep again but the doubts on her decision started to gnaw at her again shortly after waking up. And this wasn´t the only thing bothering her. Alexandra didn´t know why but she could feel that today, the day would be different. Suddenly Alexandra had the impression that this wonderful afternoon they had spent yesterday happened a very long time ago. This day wouldn´t end with them laughing, fooling around and making love over and over again the entire afternoon.

Was Jonathan angry about her not accepting his proposal of marriage? Maybe he just didn´t want to confess it? Or would something happen today which had been inevitable right from the beginning? Would Jonathan confess to Alexandra what he had done?

Alexandra had noticed Jonathan´s serious face while having breakfast downstairs at the hotel´s restaurant. He had taken her into his arms, kissing her softly before they got up – though, Alexandra realized how quiet and lost in his thoughts Jonathan was compared to yesterday. When they took a walk on the beach after having breakfast, almost without saying a word, Alexandra realized even more that something was bothering Jonathan.

He had woken up in the middle of the night as well, hearing Scarecrow in his head very clearly this time. Again, Jonathan had sneaked into the bathroom to give himself a new injection. Again, he didn´t wait for at least 12 hours between the two injections. Jonathan´s hand shaking had become stronger and cold sweat was covering his forehead when his body started to react to the serum and Scarecrow´s spitting decreased. But this time, Scarecrow´s resistance was stronger and it definitely took a longer time until he finally was banned into his dark corner again.

Jonathan knew it wouldn´t take a long time until the current dosage wouldn´t be sufficient anymore to keep Scarecrow under control. At least he wouldn´t be without symptoms the entire time and finally Alexandra would notice that something was wrong with him. On the flip side, Jonathan knew he would risk his health and also his life if he would increase the dosage of each injection again in such a short period of time.

He knew, he didn´t have much time anymore. Alexandra got to know everything as long as he was free of symptoms, as long as he still had control over himself. This was the only way to convince her that he was telling the truth.

"Jon, are you mad at me because of yesterday?" Alexandra finally asked and gazed at Jonathan.

Both stopped.

"Did I offend you by not accepting your proposal of marriage?"

To Alexandra, this question was so dumb and unnecessary. She was pretty sure that Jonathan wasn´t mad at her. He even confessed by himself that it hadn´t been the best time to ask her a proposal of marriage. But on the flip side she couldn´t blunder out and confront him with the murder of her family right away.

"No you didn´t. Honestly, I´m not mad at you." Jonathan answered, pressed Alexandra´s hand and gazed into her eyes. "I knew it was too soon and I don´t want to put you under pressure. I want you to take your time and think about it. But there are things we need to talk about."

Jonathan´s face darkened.

"And there is something else I got to show you, Alex. But we need to drive to Cook´s Cove, a small town next to Cuesta Verde and about half an hour away by car." Jonathan added. "Would this be okay for you?"

Alexandra considered and swallowed.

"Yes.. yes, of course." she said in a low voice and gazed into Jonathan´s eyes.

He nodded shortly, then both left the beach and walked back to Jonathan´s Jaguar, still being parked in the hotel´s parking lot – and Alexandra couldn´t get rid of the feeling it wasn´t something good Jonathan wanted to show her, whatever it was.


	45. Buried Past

**Chapter 45 (Buried Past)**

Jonathan had driven on a street along the coast.

He didn´t speak and Alexandra had gazed out of the window, without saying anything. She looked at the passing coast, which started to change little by little from a plain area into a rough, rugged strip with high cliffs. Alexandra already could see the small town Jonathan wanted to drive with her to - Cook´s Cove.

Due to the craggy coast, this town seemed to be completely different than Cuesta Verde, but it had its own charm and beauty. Again, Alexandra was surprised how beautiful this environment was compared to Gotham.

_Could we just stay here.´_ Alexandra thought, when Jonathan parked his car nearby the church.

A light wind blew through the tree tops and Alexandra realized it was much cooler here than in Cuesta Verde. She shivered and wrapped her coat around her. Jonathan allowed Alexandra to link arms with him while walking along a small path around the church.

The trees had lost their leaves already and Alexandra noticed an old man sweeping the foliage together with a rake. Angrily he shouted over to a group of children who were romping about and throwing the leaves at each other the man had swept together a moment before.

"Well Jonathan, what is it you wanted to show me?" Alexandra finally said and gazed at Jonathan when they stepped into the enclosed area of the church. "Have we been here once before?"

For a moment, Alexandra had to think of yesterday, of the place nearby the beach promenade and the big old oak with the carved heart. She had forgotten so many things, maybe Cook´s Cove was one of these things as well.

"No." Jonathan said in a low voice and shook his head, but he kept on walking without looking up. "This here is her place of birth."

Alexandra frowned and gazed at Jonathan, astonished. What was he talking about? Alexandra had no idea.

"I don´t understand, Jon." she said softly. "Her place of birth? Who are you talking of?"

Jonathan stopped and Alexandra could feel his hand touching hers, gripping it firmly.

Alexandra´s gaze moved around and now she realized they were standing in the church cemetery.

"Hello Mom." she could hear Jonathan saying softly and she followed his gaze with her eyes.

They were standing right in front of a gravestone made of dark marble and Alexandra could read something written in curved Old English letters:

_"Sheila Elizabeth Crane, born McNamara"_

Alexandra could read the date of birth and death, and now she realized that Jonathan´s mom still was very young when she died. She was only 62 years old.

"Hi Mom ... Hi..." Jonathan whispered while bending forward, his other hand moving softly over the gravestone.

Alexandra could hear his voice trembling and she noticed, how he was fighting his tears.

"Mom, it´s me, Jonathan ... I´m back ... and Alexandra is here with me."

Then Jonathan placed his hand in front of his face and he pressed Alexandra´s hand even firmer when he fell on his knees in front of his mother´s grave, giving vent to his tears. For a moment, Alexandra didn´t know what to do, then she knelt down next to Jonathan.

"Jon..." Alexandra started softly, placing her hand on Jonathan´s head and stroking his thick black hair.

"Alexandra, I have done so many bad things." he sobbed and big tears ran down his face. "I have hurt so many people..."

Alexandra stopped in her movement and looked at Jonathan while his gaze sank down to the ground.

_Did you kill her?__´ _flashed through Alexandra´s mind and she was ashamed because of her thought._Did you kill your own mother?__´_

Jonathan gazed at Alexandra and for a split second, she believed that indeed he was reading her mind.

"I didn´t want all this. It was an accident..." Jonathan whispered, took off his glasses and wiped the tears off his face.

Alexandra swallowed heavily. Was she right in her assumption? Did he kill his mother like he killed Alexandra's own family?

It was obvious Jonathan didn´t bring her to the cemetery without a reason. It appeared to her as if he wanted to make a confession, as if he finally wanted to reveal his dark secret. Would it be the confession she was waiting for so many years already?

"What happened, Jonathan?" Alexandra asked softly, but she could feel how she was trembling.

Jonathan swallowed heavily.

"It happened two years ago." he whispered. "My mom had found something in my room ... something from the past ... old notes and records. They contained things I´ve done, things I´ve hidden from everybody. Things I´ve pushed away for a long time ..."

Jonathan sobbed aloud.

"When she had found the things, she called me up and I drove back home to her. I´ve tried to explain everything ... I wanted Mom to understand ... but then we started to argue ... and we were standing upstairs ..." he continued. "Mom lost her balance and fell down the stairs. I couldn´t hold her ... she had broken her neck. I tried to help her, but I couldn´t. I couldn´t save her, Alex."

Jonathan pressed Alexandra´s hand, gazed down to the loamy ground again and cried bitterly.

Alexandra´s hand still rested on Jonathan´s head and for a moment she didn´t know what to do.

Did Mrs. Crane find out what Jonathan had done in Germany? What did he tell her when he had returned to Gotham? And was it true that Mrs. Crane was involved in a hand-to-hand fight with her son? Did she indeed lose her balance – or did Jonathan push her down the stairs, trying to hold his mother back from revealing his horrible secret? Was it really an accident like he said?

What was Alexandra supposed to believe? What else had Jonathan pushed aside besides the fact that he was a murderer?

_What have you done, Jonathan!´_ everything screamed in her.

But then she saw his tears and Alexandra started to doubt that she was right with her assumption. Would someone lie that much and cry so despairingly at the same time? Would someone who doesn´t regret his deeds open himself that much toward another person? Would Jonathan indeed tell her such lies after all he had done?

It could be possible – but it didn´t make any sense!

"Jonathan, it was an accident, a tragic accident ..." Alexandra said in a low voice and stroked his hair again. "It wasn´t your fault ..."

Jonathan turned around to Alexandra.

"Alex, hold me close ..." he whispered softly.

Alexandra did.

"I´m so sorry, Jon ..." she whispered while Jonathan clung at her and cried bitterly.


	46. Dark secrets Pt I

**Chapter 46 (Dark secrets Pt. I)**

In the meantime, Jonathan and Alexandra returned to their hotel room in Cuesta Verde.

With one hand, Jonathan held the curtain aside, staring out of the window at the sea. Alexandra was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her hands. She knew, what had happened ar the cemetery today was just the beginning. It had awoken feelings within her and knew that this day would reveal a lot of things and probably Jonathan felt same. Both knew, the moment has come now to reveal their darkest secrets to each other but no one dared to take the first step and the silence between them was heavy, almost threatening.

"Jonathan, we need to talk.", Alexandra said and took a deep breath, almost relieved that she finally could break through this unbearable silence.

"I know..", Jonathan responded in a low voice and closed his eyes shortly.

He knew, Alexandra had taken the first step, now it was his turn to make the next one. Slowly he turned around and walked over to the edge of the bed. Alexandra looked up when Jonathan knelt down to her and touched her hands.

"Alex.. love, there are some things I need to tell you.", Jonathan started and he noticed Alexandra´s gaze sinking down to her hands again.

Jonathan took a deep breath. He could feel his heart throbbing wildly and his whole body was trembling. He knew, this was the most difficult moment in his life and probably it would be decided now and then, what would happen further, with their love, with their future together, if they would manage it to get over all obstacles and forgive each other – or if they would branch off being enemies.

_"I warn you, Jonathan! If you ever tell her one word about me..!", _he could hear Scarecrow hissing in his mind.

"Alex, there are things I´ve done in my life, terrible things - and I don´t mean what I´ve told you about my mom this afternoon. These are things concerning you, things concerning our past, things concerning our future.", Jonathan said softly and a shiver ran over his back when he could feel Alexandra´s hands breaking off his grip and entangling behind her back.

He didn´t know how to interprete her gesture. He was pretending as if he wouldn´t pay attention to it, but from the corner of his eye, he could see Alexandra moving her arms as if her hands were pulling something out of the back pocket of her pants. For a moment, Jonathan didn´t say anything and suddenly he was seized with fear, as Alexandra´s gaze still was lowered and the entire time, she didn´t say a word.

"But I can´t live with a lie anymore. ", Jonathan continued in a low voice and placed his hand on Alexandra´s thigh, unsure if she wanted him to touch her at all."And you need to know the truth, you need to know the entire truth, Alex."

_"I won´t allow you to throw everything away I´ve built for us, Jonathan!"_

"Jonathan, I know all about it.", Alexandra responded softly and before Jonathan could say anything, he could feel her hands opening his, placing something between his palms and then closing his hands again.

Jonathan noticed something plain and cool between his palms. Alexandra´s sad eyes gazed at Jonathan when he slowly opened his hands. He was holding photos. They were old and faded, some photos were torn at their edges, but their content still was visible - and suddenly Jonathan started as now he recognized them. They were the pictures being taken of him and Alexandra when they were still going to school. They were the pictures he had taken to Germany to look for Alexandra. They were the pictures he had left in the Wentzler´s house, together with his seabag - after he had shot Mrs.Wentzler and little Martin.

"Oh my god... Alex..", Jonathan´s whisper could barely be heard.

He swallowed heavily and his hands were shaking when he was staring at the pictures spellbound. Jonathan could feel tears filling his eyes and he tried to supress them as much as he could.

"I know what you have done.", Alexandra whispered when Jonathan rose and walked back to the balcony window, his hands clinging in the photos.

Although Alexandra said these words very softly, almost tenderly, they were a terrible blow to Jonathan and suddenly he thought he'd find some refuge and protection fromAlexandra´s next reaction at the balcony window. He was fearing, Alexandra would probably jump up at any moment and rip him to a thousand pieces like a beast of prey.

"Alex, I ...", Jonathan started but his voice died and again, he swallowed heavily.

He forced himself to stare at the sea again because he was too ashamed to look at Alexandra. But he wasn´t just ashamed, suddenly he even was scared of her.

_"You´re scared, Jonathan! Of this woman! If someone should be scared, then her! I will teach her what does it mean to be scared, Jonathan! Let me show her, what does it mean to take on Scarecrow, to question Scarecrow!",_Scarecrow yelled in his mind and Jonathan clenched his fist.

_"No, won´t allow you to hurt her!", _Jonathan shouted back.

"Jonathan, I´ve found these pictures in my family´s house, together with your stuff. I´ve kept them all over the years and I´ve brought them back to Gotham again because I wanted to confront you with them, Jonathan.", Alexandra whispered and he could hear in her voice that she was crying. „I´ve had all these things in my apartment, every single piece you have left in my family´s house. I knew you were there, I knew you were in Wiesbaden. And I also knew for another reason you were there.. I saw you at the promenade and I´ve called you but you didn´t hear me.."

Jonathan´s lips were trembling and he still dispairingly tried to supress his tears. He kept on forcing himself to stare at the sea but due to the veil of tears he almost couldn´t see anything. Jonathan took off his glasses with shaking hands, folded them and placed them on the ledge of the balcony window, together with the photos.

"I saw you standing at the Rhine River, Jonathan.", Alexandra whispered in a voice soaked with tears, keeping on staring at her hands. "I saw you, holding a gun. I saw you crying. I was standing at the window, calling you. I was punching against the window, hoping you would see me, but you didn´t and I was too weak to run outside to you.."

Jonathan closed his eyes and he could feel a tear running down his face. Alexandra had been there. She had been there all the time and he didn´t see her! She had been just a few steps from him, in a hospital, injured - like he had assumed when he had been at the Wentzler´s house. But he didn´t listen to his heart. Instead, he had listened to Mrs. Wentzler and Scarecrow - and Scarecrow had taken advantage of his weakness.

"Oh my god.", he whispered barely to be heard. "What have you done to me, Scarecrow?"

_"I did what had to be done.", _Scarecrow hissed._ "And I´ll do again what has to be done. This woman won´t stop me, Jonathan! And if you´re not up to knocking her off, then I will!"_

"I know that you´ve killed my mother, Jon... and I know that you wanted to kill Martin as well. But there is something you might not know..", Alexandra whispered and gazed over to Jonathan now. „Martin survived the shot .. but he can´t talk and walk properly. He is mentally severely handicapped. He is crippled for the rest of his life and this is your fault, Jonathan!"

Now, Jonathan couldn´t hold back his tears anymore. Suddenly he had this clear image in front of his eyes again. Little Martin, who bent over his mother´s dead body, screaming and crying. How Jonathan´s first shot missed the boy and hit the wall of the living room. How Martin ran upstairs into his room, screaming aloud and crouching in his bed. He pressed his teddy bear against his body, believing that his teddy would protect him from all evil and avoid what Jonathan would do now. Jonathan could remember the boy shrilling, whimpering his name over and over again when Jonathan closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. He remembered Scarecrow´s loud laughter when he saw Martin´s lifeless body laying in front of him and Jonathan also remembered, that he lost his last spark of humanity, the last spark of himself with this deed.

"Alex, I´m sorry, I´m so sorry..", Jonathan sobbed and looked at Alexandra. "I didn´t want all this..."

Jonathan could feel his whole body trembling and his knees giving way. He wanted to fall on his knees in front of Alexandra, he wanted to touch her and beg forgiveness but he didn´t dare to walk over to her.

"Jonathan, I actually came to Gotham because I wanted to kill you.", Alexandra said softly and stared at her hands again.

Jonathan could see her face getting dark and her fists clenching.

"I´ve hated you so much all over the years for what you did to me..", she whispered, barely to be heard.

She tried to supress her next swell of tears.

_"There you go! And you want to tell her about me and cause a rift between us!"_, Scarecrow shrieked when he came out of his dark corner._"This woman just wants to harm us! She will compromise us! It´s time to get rid of her, Jonathan!"_

"I can´t even blame you, Alex..", Jonathan said in a low voice and tried to stay as calm as he could."And I would give anything if I could undo what I did to you and your family."

He knew, Alexandra would have every reason to hate him and he wondered if he would serve justice by paying with his life for his guilt - but Alexandra had told him as well that she loved him. Was this all just a lie? Was this all just a pretense to get close to him when he was the most vulnerable? Was it the only way for her?

But then, Jonathan noticed Alexandra´s hands relaxing again.

"But I realized that I can´t because I still love you and I want to be together with you. ", Alexandra said in a low voice and gazed at Jonathan. "I won´t be able to forget what you have done to me, Jonathan, but I want to try to forgive you... though I want to know why you did it, Jon.

I want to understand...why did you done it, Jonathan?... why!"

Alexandra had started to cry again and her voice got louder with every word.

"Alex..", Jonathan started but in his mind, Scarecrow interrupted him again.

_"Finally break off this nonsense!"_, he yelled and stamped his foot like a spoiled child who had his favourite toy taken from him. He pushed himself against Jonathan. _"Phase her out! Kill her finally! And if you don´t do it, then I will!_

_"No!", _Jonathan responded, determined and in his thoughts, he punched Scarecrow, who fell back into his corner lurching. "_I'm done with all these lies, beginning with YOU! If someone gets killed then it´ll be YOU!"_

"Alex..", Jonathan started again, walked over to Alexandra, knelt in front of her and touched her hands, fainthearted.

Both gazed at each other through their eyes, blurred with tears.

"Please let me explain what happened..", Jonathan started, but he could feel, how difficult it got for him to speak.

_"I won´t allow it, Jonathan... won´t allow it!", _Scarecrow yelled, when his claws pressed tightly against Jonathan´s thorax.

Alexandra pressed Jonathan´s hands and gazed firmly into his eyes.

"Something happened with me, Alex and I want to try to explain it to you..", Jonathan said softly. "Something happened and I need help... I have..."

Suddenly, a stinging pain flashed through Jonathan´s thorax and his left arm and Jonathan jerked. For a moment, he wasn´t able to move or to speak. Alexandra could feel, that something was wrong and pressed his hands even firmer.

"Jonathan, what is it? What´s wrong?", she said aloud and she didn´t know why but suddenly, she was seized with panic.

_"Do you still don´t want to believe me that I´m not serious, Jonathan!", _Scarecrow yelled and Jonathan gasped for air when Scarecrow´s claw squeezed Jonathan´s heart._ „I won´t allow it! And if I can´t have you, then no one should have you!"_

Alexandra could see Jonathan´s face getting pale. Beads of perspiration were standing on his forehead. He tried to smile and play down what just happened, but his agonized smile changed more and more into a grimace and he crouched in pain.

„My god, Jonathan, what´s wrong with you !", Alexandra shouted louder and her hands touched his arm and his hair. "Please talk to me, Jon.."

„Alex...", Jonathan panted softly. „I´m sick and I need help..."

_"I won´t allow it, Jonathan! I won´t allow it!"_

„I have.."

Suddenly, a racking pain flashed through Jonathan´s body again, even worse then before and Jonathan had the feeling as if his body was being ripped from inside. Alexandra shouted his name and for a split second, she wasn´t able to move at all when she saw Jonathan gripping his chest with his right hand and his body being convulsed in pain.

_Oh my god! He´s having a heart attack!´_, everything shouted in her and she was seized with panic.

Alexandra tried to prop Jonathan when he suddenly fell backwards. Then she could feel his hands on her face. Jonathan pressed her face, so firmly that it almost hurt. While his wide opened eyes stared at her, for the second time Alexandra could see something in his face she had seen a couple of days ago already. On the evening he wanted to rape her, before she told him of their lost child. This something that had scared her so much was there again.

„You won´t get him!", Scarecrow spat into Alexandra´s face and a shiver ran over her back when she looked into his diabolical grinning grimace. „He´s mine! He´s mine and you won´t take him away from me!"

Suddenly Alexandra could feel his hands placing around her neck, choking her.


	47. Dark secrets Pt II

**Chapter 47 (Dark secrets Pt. II)**

Alexandra gripped his fingers and tried to break him off as much a she could.

"Jon.. Jon!" she shouted desperately.

The more she tried to tear off his grip, the more Jonathan choked her.

Alexandra tensed her throat muscles as much as she could to antagonize Jonathan´s choking while gazing into his grinning grimace. What she was seeing now wasn´t Jonathan anymore, it was something else – and it wasn´t something human anymore.

"You are nothing!" Scarecrow shouted aloud and laughed while Jonathan and Alexandra were fighting for their lives. "I am everything! Your time is over! You won´t stop me! No one will stop me!"

"Jonathan!" Alexandra gasped while she could feel she was getting less and less air. Tears were filling her eyes.

She didn´t know why, but in this moment, she didn´t remember the things she had to do to defend herself in such a situation. These things she had practised and memorized so well, these things which had saved her life in dangerous situations over and over again, all this was forgotten. The only thing entering her mind in her death struggle were just three words.

"Jonathan, I love you!" she shouted with all her strength and gazed deeply into his eyes. "I love you! Please believe me, Jonathan. I love you!"

Suddenly, Jonathan´s grip on her throat softened abruptly and through a veil of tears, Alexandra could see Jonathan´s face changing again. She wasn´t looking into this diabolic grimace anymore, into something inhuman. Now she was looking into a young man´s face who fell backwards as he collapsed to the floor, completely scared and crouching in pain. For a couple of seconds, Alexandra couldn´t move as she still was gasping for air. Then she slipped down to Jonathan on the floor who was rolling from one side to the other, screaming and holding his chest at the same time.

"Jonathan, please tell me what to do!" Alexandra shouted while touching him.

He crouched in pain under her touches and Alexandra wanted to hasten to the phone to call the reception when Jonathan held her.

"Alex.." he gasped. "My bag.. syringe.. you have to.."

Just after saying this, Jonathan crouched in pain again. Alexandra shouted his name and again she asked what to do as she wasn´t sure if she had understood him right. But when Jonathan said "my bag " and "syringe" again, Alexandra rushed to the closet, tore the door open and jerked out his bag. Panting, she rummaged through the bag while Jonathan still was laying on the floor, rolling from one side to the other. Then finally she could find a compartment with a couple of prepared syringes ready for use. She rushed back to Jonathan with a syringe in her hand.

"Jon, where?" she shouted aloud. "Where to place it?"

But Jonathan just stammered something she couldn´t understand. Hastily, Alexandra pushed up the sleeve of Jonathan´s T-shirt and drove the syringe into his shoulder muscle. In the time where she was taking drugs, she had learned how and where to place a syringe and as Jonathan couldn´t give her any further instructions in his condition, she just could take the risk and act intuitively.

Alexandra tried to keep Jonathan calm while placing the injection, but he kept on rolling from one side to the other and by a fraction of an inch, the injection needle almost severed. Though Alexandra managed to place the syringe and inject the medicine into Jonathan.

"Jonathan, shh.. you need to calm down." Alexandra whispered and tried to place her arm around him.

Forgotten was the moment he was choking and almost killing her. Just her fear for Jonathan, not knowing what was wrong with him, pushed everything else aside. Alexandra knew something was happening to him and he needed her help now.

_Oh God please , don´t let him die!´_

Alexandra threw the syringe aside and placed her arm around Jonathan. She was laying behind him on the floor, pressed herself against him and talked to him softly and tenderly. Jonathan calmed down step by step and Alexandra believed the worst was over now. But suddenly, Jonathan reared up again. He spit aloud like a cat and tore out of Alexandra´s embrace.

"Go away, go finally away!" he yelled aloud and Alexandra could only watch as Jonathan jumped on to his feet as quick as a flash.

His hands yanked at his hair and dug into his scalp. He dithered and squirmed like an animal enchained.

"Jon!" Alexandra shouted and sat up, fearing he could get a seizure again.

She even didn´t know what kind of injection she had given Jonathan. Alexandra was seized with panic, but she couldn´t do anything but watch Jonathan's agony.

"Get out!", Jonathan yelled. "Get finally out of my head!"

Alexandra wanted to say something, but she was petrified when she saw Jonathan throwing himself violently against the wall of the hotel room. He threw himself against it over and over again, yelling and crying, bristling with anger and despair. Alexandra was completely shocked by this and for a moment, she wasn´t able to move. Everytime Jonathan threw himself against the wall, it was as if she felt the impact herself. But then she finally awoke out of her lethargy.

"For Heaven´s Sake, Jon!" she shouted aloud. "Are you insane! Stop it!"

Alexandra grabbed Jonathan and tried to pull him away from the wall. Jonathan resisted, he waved his arms around and threw everything standing on the small table to the floor. But this time, Alexandra was stronger. She knew how to bring someone under control who was physically stronger than herself. Unlike before, Alexandra didn´t allow her fear to get the upper hand – but she didn´t want to hurt Jonathan either. She tore him back with all her strength. He stumbled across her feet, both tumbled and fell to the floor.

Jonathan tried to break free again. He dithered and lashed about him wildly, but Alexandra held him as firmly as she could. She was laying behind him again, her arms and legs twined firmly around his body, pressing him down on the ground like a wrestler. Her lips touched his earlobe and again, she talked to Jonathan softly and tenderly. In this moment Alexandra knew that he couldn´t have a heart attack. Someone or something had taken possession of Jonathan and the only thing she could do now was to back Jonathan up in what he was going through.

"I love you Jon and I´ll stay with you, whatever happens.. shh, calm down, everything will be okay again, Jonathan.." Alexandra whispered into his ear and she hoped that her voice and her love would reach the the deepest inner part of his tormented soul.


	48. Dark thoughts

**Chapter 48 (Dark thoughts)**

Almost two hours had passed, but to Alexandra they seemed like eternity.

It took a long time until Jonathan calmed down again. The entire time Alexandra pinned him down to the floor like a wrestler while Jonathan kept on spitting and whimpering, still trying to lash about. Her voice kept on talking to him softly and the more Jonathan calmed down, the more Alexandra´s grip released. She snuggled him more and more, rocking his body lightly and tenderly stroking his hair. With time, Jonathan stopped resisting.

Both were just laying there for a while, then Alexandra brought Jonathan back to the bed, where he let himself fall on the mattress, completely exhausted. He then turned on his side and fell into a deep sleep. Alexandra started to put the room in order without making too much noise. To her, it almost was a wonder Mrs. Smith or one of the hotel guests didn´t knock on the door to complain about the noise coming from their room.

In between, Alexandra checked Jonathan´s pulse and respiration over and over again to see if everything was okay. It seemed that Jonathan´s seizure was gone, but she couldn´t really be sure until he was awake again.

For a couple seconds, Alexandra was holding the receiver of the hotel phone in her hand. She was thinking of calling Mrs. Smith at the reception or calling the hospital – but what was she going to say? That Jonathan had a heart attack? That he had a nervous breakdown because she had confronted him with his past? That he had tried to kill her? What should she say if the doctors asked her about the syringe? She didn´t know what she injected into him! And what if they asked her about the particulars? Then she would lose her disguise and everything would be lost! And what would be even worse: Henri Ducard would get wind of her double play. Alexandra was pretty sure about it. And all she had planned to do in secret – to help Rachel Dawes bring Falcone behind bars and to arrange a deal for herself and Jonathan – she could forget about it all then!

Softly, Alexandra ran her hand over Jonathan´s forehead. No, it was too dangerous to go to a hospital! It was too dangerous to let someone know what had happened here. And whatever had been in that syringe– it obviously had helped, or at least it seemed to.

_At least he doesn´t seem to be in imminent danger of life.´_ Alexandra thought while holding the used syringe in her hand.

Now she realized that she didn´t inject the entire serum, a few drops remained behind. Alexandra was wondering if Jonathan would tell her what was in that syringe. And above all, he didn´t have just one syringe, it was a handful of them Alexandra found in his bag – and this worried her!

Was it something he concealed from Alexandra over the entire time? Would he have continued to keep this concealed if none of this had happened?

A thousand thoughts were flashing through her mind now, wondering what it was all about with these syringes. What was the reason for Jonathan keeping them with him? Alexandra just couldn´t imagine that he was carrying them about with him just for fun, even if he was a physician. After all, he wasn´t dealing with simple Aspirine pills here. So what was the reason Jonathan needed these syringes? Was he seriously sick and did he need injections regularly?

Or was it completely different and was Jonathan addicted to drugs? Due to her own "drug career", Alexandra knew very well what this meant – and she knew very well what it would mean to go through detox therapy. The syringe wasn´t filled with heroin. Alexandra already was sure about it. She knew heroin too well; she knew how it looked like in a syringe and she knew its inmediate effect. Above all, she could see a mile away if someone was addicted to drugs or not. But the entire time, Alexandra didn´t noticed any sign of drug addiction in Jonathan. But he was a medical doctor; it didn´t have to be heroin he was injecting himself with. Probably there was enough medication out to have a similar effect. If someone was smart, he would be sure to take something better than heroin – and Jonathan wasn´t stupid at all. He was an MD; he was very well versed in that matter – and for sure he had enough money to afford something finer than heroin. Maybe, Jonathan was a "Noble-Junkie" so to say.

But was it true? Maybe Alexandra was completely wrong and Jonathan wasn´t addicted to drugs at all. But if there were indeed no drugs in these syringes, what was it then?

_If Jonathan doesn´t want to tell me or if he can´t tell me, then there has to be another way,´_ Alexandra thought, gripped the used syringe and placed it into the inner pocket of her coat. _I need to find out what kind of stuff this is.´ _

Alexandra would tell Jonathan that it was a littered syringe if he asked her about it. And if he indeed started looking for the syringe, Jonathan probably would look in her bag rather than in her coat.

Jonathan turned on his other side, still sleeping when Alexandra softly placed one of the chairs against the wall next to the balcony window. His eyes still were closed and small beads of sweat were covering his forehead. Alexandra got a wash rag out of the bathroom and dabbed the sweat off his forehead tenderly.

It was hard to believe that Jonathan had tried to kill her not long ago as Alexandra looked at his face. He looked so peaceful, so gentle.

_What the hell happened to him?´_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind.

She placed the wash rag next to Jonathan on the bed and took a seat on the chair. Alexandra leaned her head against the wall and her gaze rested on Jonathan´s face. She stretched her body and crossed her arms and legs. Jonathan kept on sleeping deeply and sometimes Alexandra could hear his dark voice sighing lightly.

In Alexandra´s mind, her thoughts and feelings tumbled. She was confused, worried and shocked about what had happened. Tired, Alexandra rubbed her eyes and gazed over to Jonathan again. Again, she tried replay everything in her mind what happened today – the visit at his mother´s grave, Alexandra´s confession in the hotel room about the fact that she knew all already, Jonathan trying to explain everything and then suddenly having this seizure or whatever it was – and then him trying to choke her. For a moment, Alexandra didn´t know what was worse – not knowing what was wrong with Jonathan or the fact that he had tried to kill her.

Unfortunately it hadn´t been the first time he tried to harm her and this thought caused a cold shiver to run down her back.

Alexandra thought about the last days, trying to assemble all these small jigsaw pieces into a picture, but some of these pieces didn´t make sense at all.

_"Something happened with me, Alex. I´m sick and I need help..."_

Those were Jonathan´s words. He didn´t say: "I´ve blundered into something." He didn´t say: "I´ve gone down the wrong path. I´ve messed around with criminals."

No, he said that he was sick and he needed help. So, was this the reason why he needed the syringes? And what did Jonathan mean by "not to lose his mind"? Did he need these syringes _not_ to lose his mind? Or did he lose his mind _becau_se of these injections?

What did he mean when he said "No, not Jonathan" when he pressed Alexandra against his apartment´s door shortly before he tried to rape her? Who was he talking about when he said "Go finally out of my head"?

What was it about with the scratchy fabric protruding from Jonathan´s suitcase?

"_You won´t get him!"_

Alexandra rubbed her hands over her face and crossed her arms again while her gaze moved back to Jonathan.

"_You are nothing! I am everything! Your time is over! You won´t stop me! No one will stop me!"_

_Jonathan, what was that all about?´_

Alexandra closed her eyes.


	49. The Seek

**Chapter 49 (The Seek)**

Alexandra could hear a loud cracking sound, which almost sounded like a gunshot when she startled and opened her eyes.

It was dark already outside and Alexandra noticed the nightstand lamp being switched on – and she looked at the place in the bed where Jonathan was laying. The bed was empty and the blanket was folded back.

"Jonathan?" Alexandra said aloud and she gazed around, but she couldn´t see him anywhere.

Alexandra stood up and stretched. She grimaced with pain while touching her neck briefly. She realized how sore it was.

"Jon, where are you?" Alexandra shouted and gazed outside shortly to see if Jonathan was on the balcony, but he wasn´t there either.

_Where is he? He has to be somewhere..´_, flashed through Alexandra´s head and suddenly she was seized with panic when her gaze rested on the entrance door of the hotel room.

It was gaping wide open.

Now it was clear that Jonathan obviously had left the room, but it didn´t suit him at all to leave without a word and to leave the door wide open. An unpleasant feeling came over Alexandra. She was fearing that Jonathan´s seizure wasn´t over yet, that he still wasn´t okay. Who knows in what condition he was now – and this condition couldn´t be good if he just left the room without saying a word and keeping everything unlocked.

Alexandra swallowed heavily as she ran to the room door, calling Jonathan´s name. It was deadly silent. Even the rush of the sea couldn't be heard anymore and again Alexandra swallowed heavily when her gaze moved up to the ceiling. The usually bright light of the corridor flickered uneasily and for a moment she remembered the time she had to persevere in a cellar or in a cave for days, in complete darkness, being committed to the demons of her fear.

Alexandra shuddered, trying to break free from her bad memories.

"Hello?" Alexandra shouted and gazed into the corridor, but she couldn´t see anybody.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" she shouted again, but no one responded.

Obviously nobody was in the building anymore and Alexandra didn´t know where Jonathan was now.

_Anyway, it doesn´t make sense to stay here and sit around idly.´_ Alexandra thought as she walked down the corridor slowly.

Again and again, she shouted aloud, but no one responded. Alexandra tried to calm down, keeping her senses together.

_Concentrate, don´t get distracted.´_ flashed through her head when her gaze moved to the flickering light again.

Slowly, Alexandra walked along the wall of the corridor as the light started to flicker more and with every step, it became more difficult to see the floor. Her fingertips felt the hard concrete while Alexandra walked along the corridor wall step by step. Although she remembered it being shorter, the corridor now seemed to be endlessly long. Alexandra almost had the feeling as if the corridor even didn´t want to end at all.

Suddenly, Alexandra´s fingers felt something hard, something corrugated. She stopped and lowered her gaze. A metal bar was standing ajar in the doorway of one of the hotel rooms. It was almost as thick as a crowbar, but it was way longer. For a short moment Alexandra was wondering why such a thing was left right in front of a hotel room, but her hand gripped it instinctively. Alexandra knew, such an object could be a good weapon.

_I´ll take it with me, just on all accounts..´_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind when she could feel the cool metal between her palms and slowly, she started to move again.

It was still deadly silent, not even a sound was to be heard. Alexandra could feel her heart beating faster in her chest and she tried to suppress her fear and nervousness the best she could. Yes, she was scared, she was scared for Jonathan.

"Jonathan?" Alexandra shouted aloud again when she finally arrived at the stairs to the hotel lobby, but again she didn´t get a response.

Suddenly, Alexandra could sense a draft.

"Mommy?" she could hear a voice saying softly and Alexandra spun around.

She noticed a girl standing in front of her. The girl was little and delicate, maybe 7 or 8 years old. She had long, dark brown, curly hair and piercing blue eyes, eyes which reminded her immediately of Jonathan. Alexandra wasn´t sure, but she could swear she had seen this girl somewhere before.

"Hey.." Alexandra said softly, knelt down to the girl and touched her arm. "Did you lose your Mommy?"

But the girl didn´t respond and gazed at Alexandra with her sad big blue eyes.

_Maybe the lil' girl is in shock.´_ Alexandra thought. _Anyway, I can´t leave her behind here.´_

"What´s your name, sweety?" Alexandra asked in a low voice and softly stroked the girl´s cheek, when she saw a tear running down her small face.

"My name is Adelle." the girl said softly and rubbed her nose defiantly, trying to suppress her tears.

It was obvious that the girl was completely scared and all alone. Alexandra was unsure how to react. She hadn´t dealt a lot with children in her life and she didn´t know either what it meant to be a mother – and she could feel a stitch in her heart when she thought of her lost child.

"Okay ... okay, Adelle." Alexandra stuttered and softly stroked Adelle´s hair. "You´re coming with me now, okay? We´ll find your Mommy ... don´t be afraid, everything will be okay again."

Adelle nodded shortly and gripped Alexandra´s hand while rising up again.

"Stay close behind me, okay?" Alexandra said softly and gazed down at Adelle while both stepped down slowly into the hotel lobby.

A thousand thoughts flashed through Alexandra´s head. She knew she couldn´t leave the little girl behind, but she knew as well the she was distracted by her. If something would happen, Alexandra probably wouldn´t be able to react the way she normally would. Emotions like love and concern for other people could be dangerous in a situation such as this and Alexandra knew that now; she had to be alert more than ever before.

Slowly, Alexandra and Adelle took the last steps down into the hotel lobby.Newspapers were laying all over the lounge and the floor, the vase standing on the reception desk now was lay broken on the floor, the flowers half wilted amidst the shards. Alexandra looked over to the big windows. The beach promenade was deserted and the light of the lamps flickering uneasily. Alexandra could see the silhouette of the sea rush approaching her, like a predator lurking in its corner to attack in the right moment.

"Hello?... Mrs. Smith?" Alexandra shouted aloud, but she still didn´t get a response.

Now Alexandra knew something very strange was going on here!

"You stay here and you don´t move, okay Adelle?" Alexandra whispered and turned around to her.

Adelle nodded without saying a word when Alexandra let go of her hand, gripping the metal bar tightly with both hands. The girl was rooted to the spot, observing Alexandra, how she inspected slowly the hotel lobby, her eyes alert and her body tense. First she checked the rear area where they had come from, if someone was there, maybe hiding in a corner, but nobody could be seen. Alexandra turned around. Now she was looking directly at the reception desk, the big entrance door and a corridor located directly next to the reception desk. Obviously it led to another part of the house. The light was flickering there as well and Alexandra believed she heard a clicking noise coming out of that corridor.

"Mrs. Smith?" Alexandra shouted again and Adelle gazed at her with her big blue eyes when Alexandra approached the reception desk slowly.

Adelle followed her, but Alexandra kept her away with her arm. She didn´t know what would be behind this desk.

"No, wait here." Alexandra whispered, gazing shortly at Adelle when she slowly stepped around the desk into the direction of the corridor.

Suddenly Alexandra stopped and she gasped when she could see the tip of a foot laying on the floor behind the reception desk.

_Oh my god! Somebody is laying there!´_ flashed through Alexandra´s head and hastily, she looked over to Adelle.

"Stay where you are! Don´t move at all!" she shouted aloud and Alexandra almost feared that she had been too rude to the child, but by no means did she want the girl to notice what was happening here.

Alexandra placed the metal bar aside and stepped behind the reception desk. The person was laying on the belly in its own blood and at the stature and the clothing, Alexandra knew that it only could be Mrs. Smith. Alexandra squatted down. She turned over the old lady carefully and Alexandra had to restrain herself not to choke because of the horrible view facing her.

Mrs. Smith was covered all over with blood and she looked as if something or someone had torn parts out of her face. Disgusted, Alexandra let fall Mrs. Smith´s body back to the floor. She had seen something like this a couple of times in her life already, but she never was that shocked like she was now. A foul stink choked Alexandra. Hastily she covered her mouth and nose with her hand and rose, gasping for air. She walked two, three steps backwards away from the reception desk, but her eyes kept on staring at Mrs. Smith´s body.

_What happened here? My god, what did just happen here!´ _Alexandra thought, trying to fight her tears.

Who has done this to Mrs. Smith? And where was Jonathan? Was he involved in all this maybe?

"What is there! I want to see it!" Alexandra suddenly could hear Adelle´s voice. She could feel her little body pressing against her from the side and she was torn in her thoughs.

"No, Adelle! Stay away!" Alexandra shouted and she could feel her hand gripping Adelle´s body, pressing it away from her, her eyes still staring at Mrs. Smith.

"No, I don´t want that! You´re hurting me!" she could hear Adelle shouting.

Now Alexandra´s gaze moved away from Mrs. Smith. She turned around to Adelle and gazed at her – and Alexandra felt something welling up her throat as she looked into Adelle´s face. Now she wasn´t the little girl anymore. A thousand of maggots seethed over her face, they fell out of her ears, they wriggled out of her mouth, they wormed over her entire body. Only her piercing blue eyes burned into Alexandra´s skin when she pulled her hand away from Adelle, screaming and pressing herself against the wall, completely shocked by the view of what once was a little girl.

"Oh my god!" Alexandra yelled and she wasn´t able to move at all.

"You have left me, Mommy!" Adelle cried and Alexandra pressed herself against the wall even more as Adelle approached her - like a nightmare vision in slow motion. "Why did you leave me behind!"

Suddenly, all the thoughts and pictures flashed through Alexandra´s head - all the ones she had had in her past so many times: The pictures of her rape, the blood on her hands when she was holding her abdomen, her time at the hospital when the physicians told her that she had lost the baby, Jonathan´s tears and his screams when she told him about the child.

"No! No!" Alexandra screamed, while Adelle still approached her.

"You allowed it that I got killed, Mommy! You have left me, Mommy! It´s your fault that I´m dead!" the girl shrieked while her face was eaten away by maggots.

Alexandra screamed aloud again when she broke away from the wall, stumbling into the corridor.

Just away, away from here! This all here can´t be real!

Alexandra could still hear Adelle´s voice and she wasn´t sure if she was following her. She didn´t look back and kept on running along the corridor. She could feel tears running down her face and her lungs were burning, but by no means did she want to stop running. The clicking noise she had heard before became louder now. Suddenly, Alexandra stopped abruptly when a figure stepped out of the nothingness. It was a ninja!

_What? A ninja! Here!´_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind and looking at his armor, Alexandra knew that he was a member of the League of Shadows.

The League of Shadows. A ninja secret society, hiding and training in the Himalayas. The league, Alexandra knew that it existed although she wasn´t a member. The league, her ex-lover Henri Ducard belonged to.

What was this ninja doing here? Was Henri maybe here as well!

"What..?" Alexandra shouted aloud, but she didn´t come further as the ninja attacked her with his nunchaku and the hard wood missed Alexandra´s body just by a fraction of an inch.

As quick as a flash, Alexandra turned around her hips and kicked the ninja into the back. He stumbled and let go of the nunchaku.

"Where is Ducard!" Alexandra yelled, but the ninja didn´t respond and attacked her immediately.

Alexandra blocked, but the ninja´s fist hit her face and his hands pressed her against the corridor wall, but Alexandra managed it break free. Maybe she was a bit rusty, but she hadn't forgotten her martial arts training. She remembered everything in sudden bursts when the ninja kept on attacking her. Finally, Alexandra knocked him out with a well-aimed punch.

Her hand touched her nose and she could feel something warm and wet on her fingers. It was blood. She wasn´t sure but maybe the ninja had broken her nose.

"Jane!" she could hear a dark voice shouting and she gasped when she suddenly saw Henri Ducard stepping out of the dark. He was dressed like a ninja as well and he was wearing the armor of the League of Shadows. Alexandra noticed a ninja sword in his hands.

Without saying a word, Henri took a fighting position. Alexandra didn´t consider long the situation, but tore the sword out of the sheath the ninja was carrying on his back. The metal clashed aloud and sparks flew when the two sharp blades collided. Henri was at least two heads taller than Alexandra and she had trouble to counter his forceful blows when he was attacking her over and over again, grinning and without saying a word.

Alexandra was panting aloud when Henri gazed at her for a short moment. He didn´t move at all, his grey eyes were sparkling and she noticed a light smile around his lips. For a second, Alexandra didn´t see the cold-hearted man, boss and lover he had become over the last years. No, for a moment she could see the soft, good-hearted man who carried her tenderly in his arms when he got her out of jail in Asia. The man who treasured her when she was dangerously ill, for days, for weeks.

Was it Alexandra´s destiny that all the men she loved would become monsters?

Suddenly, she could hear Adelle´s voice at the other end of the corridor and she had the feeling that her voice was approaching.

_This is not Adelle!´_ everything screamed in Alexandra´s mind. _You need to get out of here!´_

She couldn´t go back – but she couldn´t stay here either. She had to get away from here and Henri was in her way.

She could hear Adelle screaming "Mooommyyy!" when Alexandra attacked Henri yelling, who still kept on grinning at her without saying a word.

The metal clashed again and the sparks flew when the sword blades hit each other over and over again. Henri's blade missed Alexandra and the steel buried itself into the wall of the corridor. Henri gripped the sword with both hands and tried to get it out of the wall cursing, but he couldn´t. Alexandra used that split second and rushed past Henri along the corridor.

Henri´s cursing got softer as well as did Adelle´s voice when Alexandra finally got out of the corridor and stumbled into a dark room. She panted aloud and gasped for air, holding the sword limply in her hand as she walked through the room. She kept looking back at the corridor to see if Henri or Adelle were following her. But there was no one - everything was quiet again. Alexandra couldn´t hear anything.

_Thank God, it´s over..´_ Alexandra sighed softly and she wanted to turn her gaze forward again when something suddenly grabbed her throat.

Alexandra looked up and she screamed as she gazed into something she had seen once before – something evil, something inhuman, a grimace ... and then she could hear a voice ... and she believed to knew this voice ... she was sure, it was Jonathan´s voice.

"_Your_ time is over! No one will stop me!"


	50. Dream and Reality

**Chapter 50 (Dream and Reality)**

Alexandra opened her eyes.

She had heard a loud noise. Puzzled, she looked around and for a short moment, she didn't know where she was. Then she realized that she still was in the hotel room in Cuesta Verde. She still was sitting on her chair and suddenly she noticed her entire body shaking and cold sweat on her forehead.

Pictures and thoughts flashed through her head – the flickering light, the darkness, the girl, the ninja, Henri … and then the monster.

Alexandra gasped for air and again she looked around, puzzled. She noticed the burning nightstand lamp, noticed the empty bed and the back folded blanket.

Jonathan was nowhere to be seen.

"Jonathan.. Jonathan, where are you?" Alexandra shouted and jumped out of the chair.

Her gaze moved through the room frantically.

"Alex, I'm here outside!"

She could hear Jonathan's dark voice responding and Alexandra was rooted to the spot.

She looked to the balcony door. It was left ajar and Alexandra could see through the window that Jonathan had taken a seat outside on the big wooden bench. Against Alexandra´s first assumption it still was bright outside. The big setting sun was colored a deep orange and the water of the sea was sparkling in the colors of the afterglow.

Hastily, Alexandra's gaze moved over to the room door. It was locked.

Now Alexandra realized that she just had dreamt everything. Jonathan didn't disappear. It still was bright and probably everything would be okay outside in the corridor as well. Mrs. Smith would do fine ... Adelle, the little girl ... and Henri wouldn't be here.

Alexandra wiped the sweat away of her forehead and for a moment she was thinking of throwing open the room door, convincing herself that everything was okay, but then she changed her mind.

"Everything is okay, Alex. It was just a nightmare." she whispered softly to herself, her heart throbbing wildly in her chest.

But was it true? Was it indeed just a nightmare?

Alexandra sighed lightly, then she walked over slowly to the balcony door, opened it and stepped out. Jonathan had been sitting outside on the wooden bench without saying a word, staring at the beach and the setting sun.

"Hey…" he whispered softly.

Jonathan looked up to Alexandra, smiling lightly while she stepped out to him on the balcony.

"Hey…" she responded and took a seat on the bench next to him.

Jonathan placed her arm around Alexandra and pulled her lightly toward him while she nestled to his chest. She could hear his breath and his heart beating calmly.

Everything seemed so peaceful and for a moment Alexandra wasn't sure if all this really had happened this afternoon. Maybe she was sleeping the entire time, just dreaming everything. Maybe Jonathan didn't have a seizure at all; maybe this all had been just a nightmare.

"How long have you been awake, Jon? Why didn't you wake me up?" Alexandra asked without gazing up.

"You were sleeping so deeply and I wanted you to rest." he responded softly and Alexandra felt Jonathan's hand on her head.

He stroked her hair tenderly and kissed it softly.

Now Alexandra knew through Jonathan's response that his seizure hasn't been a dream.

"How did you sleep, love?" Jonathan murmured softly.

Alexandra closed her eyes shortly and took a deep breath.

"I've dreamt, Jon. I had a bad dream and I've heard a loud noise."

"Oh, this noise came from the beach." Jonathan responded and laughed softly. "A couple of teenagers have lit a firecracker. Probably you awoke from this …"

"Maybe …" Alexandra murmured while Jonathan pressed her a bit more against him, kissing her hair again.

For a short moment it was quiet again and both kept on staring at the sea and the sunset.

"Jonathan, are you okay again?" Alexandra finally asked without rising or looking at Jonathan.

Her ear still rested on this chest, listening to his calm heartbeat.

"I'm doing better." he said softly, but Alexandra wasn't really convinced of his answer.

Then it became silent again.

Alexandra was thinking about what to do now. Should she mention again what has happened this afternoon? Shouldn't she talk about it at all? Maybe Jonathan couldn't remember what had happened. But it couldn't go on like this! Jonathan wanted to tell her something this afternoon and they couldn't just hush up everything again, pretending as if nothing had happened!

"Jonathan, don't you want to tell me what's going on?" Alexandra finally asked and pressed his hand.

She didn't look up yet; she still remained at this chest, hoping that Jonathan finally would explain to her what has happened.

She could feel that something was bothering him and wasn't sure if it indeed was just his dark scheming with Henri Ducard he wanted to hide. She already knew everything about Jonathan's dealings with the criminal underworld of course, but she couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him about what she has planned to do, to compromise his criminal activities. She couldn't tell him that she was playing a double game. The time wasn´t ripe yet. Though, Alexandra started to doubt if Jonathan's scheming with Falcone and Ducard was the real reason for his behavior this afternoon. The syringes, Jonathan's seizure, his physical breakdown gave her a completely different impression and Alexandra wasn't sure if the one thing really had to do anything with the other. Jonathan was carrying the blood of their families on his hands and he had made a pact with the devil by messing around with the sovereigns of Gotham's underworld. Alexandra wondered what else could be worse than that. Softly, she pressed her ear against Jonathan's chest, hoping secretly that his heartbeat would reveal his dark secret.

Jonathan's hand stroked Alexandra's hair again and again; she could feel his lips on her forehead.

"Alex, I …" Jonathan started, but then she interrupted him.

"Jon, please tell me what's going on." she said softly, rose and gazed into his eyes. "I mean your seizure and then this syringe … What's wrong with you, Jon? What did you need that syringe for? What is it you don't want to tell me? Are you cardiac maybe?"

"No …" Jonathan responded, shaking his head lightly.

"What is it then? Is it cancer?"

"No …"

"Are you diabetic?"

"No …" Jonathan responded and placed his hand on Alexandra's cheek.

"Jon, what is it then?" Alexandra said in a louder voice. "What's wrong with you? Are you addicted to drugs and you just don't dare to tell me?"

"Love, no. I'm not." Jonathan said in a firm voice. "I swear it to you, I'm not taking drugs."

Alexandra took a deep breath.

"If it's nothing of that, what is it then?" Alexandra said in a low voice and sighed lightly. "Why don't you tell me? What's wrong, Jonathan? Why can't we be honest to each other? I mean, I've told you the truth as well this afternoon …"

_You liar! Have you really been honest to him this afternoon?!_´ everything yelled in Alexandra's mind. _Did you tell him that you know about his connections to Henri Ducard? Did you tell him that Ducard has send you to spy on him?´_

_"Jonathan, just remember what happened! I won't hesitate doing this a second time if you just tell her even one word about me!"_

It was the hissing voice of Scarecrow.

"Alex, please understand me. I just want to protect you." Jonathan said in a soft voice and sighed lightly.

Yes, this was exactly what Jonathan wanted!

He still could hear Scarecrow in his mind when he woke up. Again, he was holding a syringe in his shaking hands, but something held him back to take a new injection. He feared that Scarecrow would do the same to him if he should try again and tell Alexandra about him.

And Jonathan had realized that he didn't have another choice! He mustn't tell her anything about Scarecrow! Scarecrow had punished him for what he had done. He no longer was satisfied with attempting to kill Alexandra. No, now he was willing even sacrifice Jonathan's life – and Jonathan was sure about it, he would try it again. Scarecrow would punish him again … and what was even worse he would try again to hurt Alexandra. This was a risk Jonathan didn't want to take. He didn't want anything happening to her!! He had to find another way. He didn't come further with conventional medication. He had to find something else and until then, he had to do what Scarecrow demanded from him ... and he was willing to do it … as long as Scarecrow didn't hurt Alexandra.

Alexandra frowned.

"Jon, what are you talking about? Protect me?" she said, puffing lightly. "If you're sick, you need help. Do you think, I don't know you well enough not to sense when you're in trouble?"

Jonathan took Alexandra's face into his hands.

"Alex, listen to me ...," he said softly. "I can't talk about this with you. Please just believe me that I want the best for us. I love you, Alex and I want you to be okay."

"Jon, but I want _you_ to be okay as well …" Alexandra responded and touched his face.

"I know love, I know …" Jonathan whispered and gazed deeply into her eyes. "But please believe me … I just want to protect you …"

Alexandra wanted to say something, but she couldn't. She could feel that this discussion wouldn't help at all. She didn't know why Jonathan had changed his mind so fast. A couple of days ago he couldn't wait to talk to her about everything and now he didn't want to talk anymore because he wanted to protect her.

But against what? Against himself? Against Falcone? Against Henri Ducard? Maybe against everybody and everything? Alexandra didn't understand anything anymore.

Though, she realized one thing: Their wonderful hours in Cuesta Verde, their touches, their kisses, their intensive and passionate sex, their confessions of love and last but not least, Jonathan's proposal of marriage – all these seemed to be a distant prospect now.

Alexandra snuggled against him again and stared at the sunset while Jonathan pressed her softly against himself, stroking her tenderly. She realized that she wouldn't get to know directly what Jonathan was hiding from her. She had to find another way. If they were back in Gotham, she would try to find someone who could tell her what was in that syringe. She would try to get more information out of Henri Ducard, what sort of connection Jonathan had to him, what exactly was it about with this job, Henri has mentioned - what exactly Jonathan was supposed to make for him. Maybe Rachel Dawes could give her some information as well. But if Alexandra was honest, everything inside her was reluctant to go back to Gotham. It was so wonderful here, so peaceful. And above all, there was no Carmine Falcone, no Henri Ducard, and no Arkham Asylum. Maybe they shouldn't go back at all, maybe Gotham and everything in the city was evil for Jonathan.

_I don't want to go back!'_ Alexandra thought and inhaled deeply the salty air of the sea.

She was sure that Jonathan was feeling the same and maybe now was the best time to tell him what she secretly wished since the first moment they had arrived in Cuesta Verde.

"Jon? ... Jon!" she finally said and gazed up at him.

"What is it?" he responded softly and took her face into his hands again.

Deeply, they gazed into each others eyes.

"Don't … don't let us go back to Gotham, Jonathan. Let us stay here …" Alexandra whispered.

She could feel tears filling her eyes, but she tried to suppress them as much as she could.

Jonathan gazed at Alexandra without saying a word, stroking her cheek softly.

_Jon, please tell me that we won't go back...´_

Jonathan took a deep breath.

_"You will return to Gotham, Jonathan!! Now it's over with this nonsense here! From now on, you'll do again what I say! And don't forget what will happen if you don't!"_

_Oh Alex, I wish I could stay here with you! I wish I could tell you everything, explain everything to you! But I have no choice!'_

Alexandra could see Jonathan shaking his head lightly.

"I ... I can't, Alex." he said, barely to be heard and now.

Alexandra could see that Jonathan had tears in his eyes as well. She swallowed heavily and pressed his hand.

"I know …" she responded in a low voice and nestled at Jonathan's chest again.

She could hear the soft rush of the sea in her ears again. Alexandra wiped a tear off her cheek and she could feel Jonathan swallowing heavily. It was obvious that he wanted to swallow down his tears. For a moment, both were holding each other, staring at the sea without saying a word.

Suddenly, Alexandra heard a ringing tone coming out of the hotel room. It was her cell phone! Alexandra knew what this meant! It could be just two people calling her now, either Carmine Falcone or Henri Ducard. It _could_ just be one of them!

_No, no, I don't want to answer this phone! Dammit, leave me alone, all of you!'_

It rang once, it rang twice, but Alexandra didn't move at all.

"Alex …" Jonathan whispered and touched her cheek again when she rose and looked at him. "Don't you want to answer the phone?"

It rang three times. It rang four times.

Jonathan and Alexandra gazed deeply into each other's eyes. She could feel her hands touching his arms, hoping that his hands would grab her, stopping her from answering the phone.

_Jonathan, please forbid me from picking up the phone! Tell me not to go and I won't move! I beg you, Jonathan!'_

It rang five times. It rang six times – but Jonathan didn't say anything and he didn't do anything either to hold Alexandra back. In this moment, she knew that their days in Cuesta Verde were over.

Alexandra stood up and left the balcony hastily to pick up the phone call.

Jonathan closed his eyes shortly as he could feel his rising tears and stared at the sea again. He could hear Alexandra's voice coming out of the hotel room, mixing up with the rush of the sea.

He had imagined everything so different! Jonathan had hoped so much to tell Alexandra everything. He had wished that both could finally reveal all dark secrets to each other and take the first step for their future together. He knew that Scarecrow would protest, but Jonathan didn't expect that his reaction would be that drastic. He had hoped that Cuesta Verde would deprive Scarecrow of his medium, but it was frivolous to believe that he could be kept under control with a couple of conventional injections, that a simple change of air would knock him off. Jonathan didn't come here to drink the waters. He had to tell the woman he loved that he had killed her family. He had to get to know that she knew about this already for such a long time, wanting to take revenge on him. How could he seriously expect that everything would be okay within a couple of days?

And above all, it was a false conclusion to believe that a couple of syringes would be enough to convince make Alexandra that everything was okay with him. Maybe she had believed this before, now she knew that something was wrong with him! And even if she was so appreciative now and being there for him, maybe this would change as soon as they were in Gotham and she would leave him again. Was this the reason why Alexandra said, she didn't want to go back to Gotham? Did she want to give him a hint, that she would leave him as soon as they would be back in the city again?

But what could Jonathan do? His hands were tied!

Jonathan was torn out of his thoughts when the balcony door opened and Alexandra was standing in the doorway. He turned his head to the side and gazed at her.

Her face was dark and Alexandra took a deep breath.

"Jon, something has happened …" she said softly and sighed. "I need to return to Gotham …"

In this moment, Jonathan knew that their fate had been sealed.


	51. Demons from the past III

**Chapter 51 (Demons from the Past, Pt. II)**

Jonathan and Alexandra didn´t return to Gotham immediately after the phone call.

They ate dinner in the hotel restraurant almost without saying a word and after that they laid in the bed of their hotel room for a long time. They held each other in their arms, looking deeply into each other´s eyes. Tenderly, Jonathan stroked Alexandra´s hair and kissed her softly. He could feel her soft hands on his back and his cheek, stroking him. He could feel her fingertips moving tenderly along his eyebrow.

Both kissed each other softly over and over again and they gazed into each other´s eyes without saying anything. They didn´t lose a word about what had happened this afternoon, nor did they speak about what would happen to them after they returned to Gotham. It wasn´t even necessary to talk about everything. All that compassed them wasn´t important in this moment. Instead, they tried to keep something of all the wonderful moments they had together the last few days – and they also tried to push away the thoughts of the hard way now lying in front of them.

How much Jonathan had wished to finally tell Alexandra everything, to finally make a clean sweep of everything and get back on the right path with her help – to finally become free. Free of Carmine Falcone, free of Henri Ducard ... and free of Scarecrow.

But what would the consequences be if Jonathan would break the devilish pact he had made? It already was certain that Ducard and Falcone wouldn´t accept his break off that easily. He might bejust a small pawn on the big chessboard of power, though he wasn´t quickly exchangeable and Jonathan knew this.

He was the director of Arkham Asylum. He made sure that Falcone´s thugs could get out of jail time soon. Jonathan got paid for that and not too bad. He could use the money more aswell, as leading a psychiatric institution costed money. Gotham City´s annual appropiations never have been really extensive and in the last years, it didn´t get any better. Jonathan could be happy if he could cover the running asylum costs with the extra financial support he got from companies and private persons. Getting capital for the modernization of the asylum or even research grants was something Jonathan could just dream of.

For a short moment he was thinking of how many times he had askedthesymposia andgone to thestupid VIP-parties, trying to convince the people of the importance of Arkham Asylum as well as of the importance of further research in the psychiatric area, especially everything connected to fear and the redemption of fear. But a lot of times, the people were just smiling at him and he was rejected, or he was fobbed off with peanuts-amounts of money. He felt it was as much an offense to his person as his work. Especially the City of Gotham's wealthy and powerful had backed off in the last years when it came to the financial support of Arkham. The money got less and less, and the excuses for cutting became more and more incomprehensible.

But Jonathan always had accepted everything and he retried it over and over every year. But with every abortive try, his frustration and his rage at the lack of interest on his work increased – and what even made him more angry was that he didn´t get further in his research.

_Jonathan believed in his work. Even during his medical studies he was obsessed with the idea to find a remedy for fear. He knew, after his reckless actions as biochemist and his enrollment as medical student, he needed to be careful with forbidden experiments. He could not allow himself any more mistakes. He had to obey the rules of his education and he had to do what he was told. In his studies, as well as in his assistance time after his psychiatric education, Jonathan had to be content with endless animal experiments. Indeed, his work was brilliant, though he didn´t do anything absolutely unconventional or even forbidden. He followed the rules and he did was he was told to – but secretly he was highly dissatisfied as he regarded the conventional experiments being just a waste of time. _

_When Jonathan became director in Arkham, he had hoped through his new position to finally get the possibility of doing an experimental series on a human being – with legal authorization. In Jonathan´s eyes, the animal experiments weren´t significant enough to transmit their results onto humans, even if they had been promising this to other medical doctors. But none of the medical commitees Jonathan had petitioned agreed on doing research on a human being, at least not during that time. _

_This wasn´t fast enough for Jonathan. He couldn´t and didn´t want to wait any longer. He was convinced of the fact to do something good with his research and he didn´t want to let it fail on the stubbornness of some bureaucrats. He was convinced that he would be able to help a lot of people and this was something Jonathan had sworn with the Hippocratic oath. _

_Well this was what Jonathan wanted ... but Scarecrow wanted something totally different. Scarecrow was obsessed with power. He was obsessed with punishing the ones who dared to thwart him, to punish the ones who dared to stop him. Scarecrow wanted to have control over everybody and everything – and fear was the best tool to make people docile. And so Jonathan not just researched on how to vanquish fear. He researched as well on how to scare people even more. _

_When the money dwindled and when it was clear that no research funds would be available, it was Scarecrow talking at Jonathan to continue his research on patients at Arkham Asylum. _

_"There you have everything you need. Stop wasting your time! These bureaucrats are nothing else than incompetent morons! They don´t recognize your genius. They don´t see the importance of your work! You don´t need them! You got Arkham. You got the patients ... and you got me! I will help you. I will support you ... and I will never leave you or doubt your genius!"_

_By this Jonathan´s career being Scarecrow´s puppet has reached a new, sad peak level. And his second career being a corrupt henchman started very soon as well. It began with his intrigues with Carmine Falcone and got topped by a man named Henri Ducard, whom he got to know on a medical symposia. And Ducard made him an offer by order of a Ra´s al Ghul he simply couldn´t reject. _

_Carmine Falcone had been a good source of income. With his and the money of the private investors, Jonathan could keep the asylum financially afloat and Scarecrow could do his "research" in peace without anybody challenging or being suspicious. But even with Falcone´s money, Jonathan couldn´t make big steps and the realization of different "projects," like making Arkham Asylum into one of the most modern psychiatric institutions just existed on paper. But Ra´s al Ghul and his League of Shadows have been like a revelation to Jonathan and to Scarecrow as well. _

_"This is your chance, Jonathan! With that you can finally convince the City of Gotham how important Arkham and your work is." He had told to himself after accepting the order of Ducard to produce the fear toxin. "The toxin is just a pressurizing medium."_

_"This is your chance to finally pay it back to everybody, Jonathan! Kill them! Kill this lying mob!" had been Scarecrow´s comment. _

"_No! This is not what I want! I don´t want to harm anybody, but Gotham needs to understand, how important my work for the people is – and for this, I need the money. I just want the money..." _

_Yes, Jonathan wanted and needed the money. And it wasn´t just his goal to help the people – he also wanted to create something big, something significant. The youngest director of one of the most renowned asylums of the entire country? By God, this didn´t sound bad at all! _

_Besides his work, he would get recognized as well for the fact to have changed a shabby institution into a modern, economically lucrative source of income. Jonathan wouldn´t get reconized not only as a medical doctor, but also as a clever medical businessman. This was his dream he wanted to realize, his life´s dream. _

_After all these years of being an outsider, after being bullied all his life, after having gone through hell as a child and a young man – he finally would have made something good. _

_Finally, he would mean something. _

But what had become reality at the end? Had aimed too high right from the beginning? Indeed, Jonathan got the money from the League of Shadows, but of what he had planned did he really put into practice?

Who did benefit from the money at the end? Was it Jonathan? No! The batch of money had given _Scarecrow_ just more power, it made made him just more greedy, just more restless.

Instead of taking care of a modernization, Jonathan was limited to doing just the most necessary things in the asylum. And he had allowed that Scarecrow include more patients into his "research." He had allowed that Scarecrow use the fear toxin in his experiments to test its effect and its dosage. What he had developed to blackmail Gotham was now a powerful weapon, having fallen into the wrong hands – and instead of helping the people, Jonathan harmed them even more. For a second time in his life, he had become a criminal – he had become the "death angel of Arkham".

_I have become such a bad person.´_ Jonathan thought and closed his eyes, when he could feel Alexandra´s soft lips on his. _But I want to change. I want to retrieve what I have done.´_

Yes, Jonathan wanted to do everything in his power to change, to correct the wrongs and the evils of the past and now. But above all, he didn´t want to lose Alexandra.

_Please don´t leave me, Alex.´ _he whispered barely to be heard, when he pulled the blanket up over their bodies and lost himself in Alexandra´s soft embrace.


	52. Demons from the past IV

**Chapter 52 (Demons from the Past, Pt. IV)**

Alexandra and Jonathan had fallen asleep within each other's arms until the hotel phone tore them out of their sleep.

Sleepily, Jonathan took the receiver from the cradle and murmured something baffling into the phone. First, Alexandra didn´t move as she thought that the phone call was unimportant. At least Jonathan´s voice gave her this impression as he kept on murmuring something into the receiver, still not fully awake. Suddenly he rose and within seconds, his voice was firm and clear. Now Alexandra was awake as well and turned around to Jonathan. His face looked serious and concentrated while he was listening to the voice on the other side of the phone line. For a moment, Alexandra believed the person on the phone could be just Carmine Falcone or Henri Ducard.

"Yes... yes, I see... alright. I´ll be there in about... 2 hours." Alexandra could hear Jonathan saying and she could hear a light sigh in his voice – and this sigh exactly expressed what Alexandra was feeling inside.

The entire time she was thinking of if there was a way they wouldn´t need to return to Gotham. Secretly, she was hoping that Jonathan would change his mind, wanting to stay here. But Alexandra knew that this wouldn´t happen.

She had felt over the entire evening how much something was bothering him in spite of being with her, kissing her tenderly and looking into her eyes. She could sense that he was somewhere else in thoughts.

She thought she glimpsed an endless sadness in his eyes and her heart got heavy when she thought of the ocurrence this afternoon.

_How much he had changed.´_ Alexandra thought, but at the same time she realized that Jonathan wasn´t the only person who had changed so much.

_She still could hear Jonathan´s dark voice in her head when Henri Ducard´s hand moved over her naked thigh. They had slept together. How many times Henri had sneaked into Jane Deveraux´ bed in the middle of the night while she was waiting for him in her shabby hotel room?_

_The hotel was located right in the middle of the town´s nightclub district. There, everybody was having an all-night party while the people in the superior districts went to bed at the same time, being exhausted from their day´s work. The noise of the street and the night-life encroached into Jane´s ears when Henri´s strong hand stroked her thigh and his grey eyes kept on looking over her body. _

_Even though they just had sex, Jane knew that Henri wouldn´t be content with getting physical satisfaction just once a night. She didn´t feel like having more sex tonight, quite the opposite._

_For a couple of weeks, if not even for months, Henri´s closeness started to get more uncomfortable to her, not to mention the sex with him. Not the least reason for this was the fact that he had changed more and more over this time. _

_Jane had known him for being a charming, warm-hearted man. The man who had saved her life, the man who had cared for her affectionately. The man who had suffered a big loss in life just like herself. Jane knew about Henri´s wife and she knew as well how he had lost her. _

_After all, what had happened to Alexandra so far and after Henri coming into her life, she was hoping for a while that she could fill the emptiness in his heart. She had hoped, that even for her, she would have a chance at happiness. She had hoped to get over Jonathan this way... to get over her hatred for him and start a new, a different life together with Henri. _

_But Alexandra was wrong. In the last years she had become too much of Jane Deveraux – it would have been a false conclusion to believe that she could strip off her alter ego like an old coat. _

_But this hasn´t been the only reason. With time, Alexandra had realized that it wasn´t just Henri´s heart being empty. Henri Ducard wasn't the kind, warm-hearted man she had known before. Rage and the thirst for revenge had displaced his good nature more and more. Henri was unsettled, reckless and hot-tempered a lot of times as well. It happened frequently that he even didn´t ask after her when he came to her in the night. Instead, Henri pushed her on to the bed without saying anything and took her, no matter if Jane wanted to or not. Often they didn´t speak to each other and a lot of times Henri just disappeared without saying something nice to her for goodbye. And so Alexandra had realized that also this man she had loved once had become a monster - and she found herself blaming Jonathan for all. Jonathan had become a monster as well. He had killed her family. He had destroyed her life, taking away any basis, any hope for living a normal life - and for this, he deserved it to bekilled. _

_Yes, she wanted to go back to Gotham. She couldn´t stay longer in Tibet, in her shabby hotel room. She didn´t want to stay longer with Henri – but she had to be clever now. She must notreveal that she wanted to get away from Henri. Now she had to play her cards skillfully. _

_Jane had something in her mind, she had a request to Henri. Unlike many other times, Henri was in an extraordinary good mood tonight. He even was very talkative and told her something about a big project he was planning together with Ra´s al Ghul and the League of Shadows. Jane wasn´t a member of this league, but Henri had told her about it often enough, albeit he stressed over and over again that he would break the rules by telling her about it. And now, when he even mentioned Gotham yet, it flashed though Jane´s head: This is your chance! _

_Yes, she had a request... and she had a plan... and if she would string Henri along she had good chances that he would accept her request and let her go. _

"_You´ll see Jane, this will be a big thing." Henri said dryly and grinned while turning on to his back, resting his hand behind his neck. "Finally the moment is there I´ve been waiting for so long! Finally the time has come to free this world of this pest, this decadent society! And what place is more adequate for this than Gotham?"_

_Jane propped her head with her hand, turned on to her side and gazed at Henri´s naked body, which was glimmering in the moonlight, still drenched in sweat due to their act of love._

_"And ... who do you want to send to Gotham?" Jane asked carefully and her gaze moved up to Henri´s face. "You wouldn´t want to go by yourself, would you?"_

_Henri´s looks darkened and his eyes stared at the ceiling. Jane could see an angry twinkle in them and for a moment she feared that she had said the wrong thing. She knew that Henri could lose his temper, even turn violent towards her – this wouldn´t be the first time. _

_But Henri didn´t move, took a deep breath and kept staring at the ceiling. _

_"There was a young man. He would have been the right one for this job... his name was Bruce..." Henri said softly and Jane could feel his voice trembling."We had big plans with him... but he has turned against us, he has turned against me... he has betrayed me..."_

_Jane swallowed and for a moment, she didn´t move. Henri had told her of Bruce once, but she never got to know him personally. Although Henri never got into details, she knew that he and Bruce had a close relationship. The only thing Jane knew about Bruce himself was that he derived from one of Gotham´s most renowned families. By means of Henri´s inflection, Jane realized that it wouldn´t be very clever to mention this man again or talking in-depth about him. _

_Jane moved over to Henri a bit more and touched his lightly haired chest._

"_Henri, I could go..." she finally started, but her voice died abruptly when his grey eyes directly gazed at her. _

"_What the heck... you?!" Henri asked giggling, almost sneering and rose his eyebrows._

"_Yeah, why not?" Jane responded in a firm voice and sat up. _

_She knew what was going on in Henri´s mind and she mustn´t get irritated by this now. He would try to manipulate her, to denunciate her. He did this more often the last time and obviously he was enjoying it._

"_You have trained me for such things, Henri... and as you know, I´m sitting here for months already without having anything to do. Come on, Henri, I´m going insane sitting around here." Jane responded factually._

_What did youtrain me for all these years? To end being your little sex toy?´ flashed through her mind._

_Henri sighed lightly and his big hand covered hers to stop her from stroking his chest anymore. _

"_You don´t unterstand this, Jane. You´re not in the League of Shadows." he threw in and gazed at Jane seriously._

"_Well, maybe it´s even better that I´m not in. At least I can´t speak if I should get caught. And, however, you know that I´ve lived in Gotham for a while. This could be very helpful for this job..."_

_"Yes, you did." Henri interrupted._

_Yes, Henri might know that Jane had lived in Gotham ... but though he didn´t know who she really was and he didn´t know the real reason either why she wanted to get back to Gotham._

_"But it´s already a couple of years ago, since you have been there." Henri threw in. "Besides ... I don´t know if you´re ready ... and I don´t know if Ra´s al Ghul would agree to it..."_

_Before Henri could continue, Jane bended over him and kissed him. _

_"Ra´s al Ghul trusts you. I´m pretty sure he wouldn´t question your decision to send me ... and besides that ... I didn´t dissapoint you with my work so far, did I?" she asked perkily and noticed a grin on Henri´s face. _

_"No, I couldn´t say this so far." Henri answered between Jane´s short kisses, returning them. _

_"And..." Jane started and kissed Henri again. "I think that no one would assume that it would be a woman spying them out..."_

_"Hm, maybe you´re right..." Henri giggled and his gaze moved over to his manhood, laying trembling on his thigh. _

_Jane followed his gaze and she knew it wouldn´t take a long time anymore until Henri would demand sex for the second time tonight. Henri noticed her gaze and grinned. _

"_Well, I´ll think about it..." he said slowly and grinned even more, while his hand moved down to Jane´s magical triangle, starting to stroke it. "But... there is still some convincing necessary from your side... show me, how much do you want to go to Gotham, Jane..."_

_Henri´s eyes twinkled and Jane knew what he meant... and how much she loathed him for that!_

_But she would do it. Alexandra would do everything to return to Gotham – and she realized as well that she would return even if Henri wouldn´t allow her to go._

_I will go, with or without your permission...´ Alexandra thought and smiled lightly when Henri folded his hands behind his neck again, grinning and watching his manhood getting caressed by her with mouth and hand. _


	53. Return to Gotham

**Chapter 53 (Return to Gotham)**

It was already night when Jonathan and Alexandra left the hotel.

Both almost didn´t talk to each other and an oppressive feeling captured Alexandra when Jonathan drove the Jaguar out of Cuesta Verde. Now they had reached the point of no return.

Both knew they were prisoners. Two animals being enchained, tasted freedom for a short time and now they were about to be locked into their cages again. When both got up, looking into each stone-faced, they knew it was the truth.

Alexandra's oppressive feeling became stronger with every mile they approached Gotham. She could feel the imaginary chains around her neck and her hands, and she could hear Jonathan swallowing heavily when they crossed Wayne Bridge and Gotham Skyline rising before them. Jonathan could hear Scarecrow giggling softly in his mind and to him; it was as if hewasn´t himself stepping on the throttle forcefully as the Jaguar zoomed ahead.

Meanwhile the silence between them was unbearable, though Alexandra had the feeling that Jonathan wanted to tell her something and he didn't know how to start.

"Jon..." Alexandra started to finally break this unbearable silence.

Obviously, this was the initiating impulse Jonathan had needed.

"Alex, listen ... I need to drive to Gotham Central Jail for a moment, before heading home. Is this okay for you?" Jonathan asked finally.

He gazed over to Alexandra and for a moment he was scared of what she would tell him now.

How could he be sure that she wanted to be together with him at all? And "Home"? What would be Home to her? Would she return with him to his apartment? Would she prefer to be alone at her place?

Alexandra gazed at the radio display, checking the current time, then gazed back at Jonathan and frowned. No doubt she was surprised. God knows she was expecting something else than getting asked if it would be okay driving her to **a** jail in the middle of the night.

"To jail at 2 o'clock in the morning?" she said in a low voice and in this moment she was angry at Jonathan's request.

She would have had enough reason to return to Gotham, but she had rejected this. But Jonathan had gotten up immediately after finishing his phone call, dressing himself without giving big explanations.

He even had put a suit on. Alexandra didn´t know Jonathan had brought it at all. Someone could think that Jonathan was just waiting for this phone call, to finally make an end with everything in Cuesta Verde. In this moment, Alexandra felt like an idiot, not realizing what was in fact going on.

Jonathan looked at the radio display and now knew what Alexandra was talking of. Was it in his nature or was it Scarecrow's that turned him into an egotistical, insensitive dolt?

"Alex, this call I got was from the jail, they told me about a prisoner who tried to commit suicide. I was asked to come over and take care of him ..." Jonathan explained, but now realized how strange everything must sound to her.

_Jonathan, you're an idiot. You should have told her right from the beginning. Instead you're making a big deal out of it and then you're amazed why she's angry.´_ flashed through Jonathan's mind.

On the flip side, he realized that even Alexandra didn't tell him everything what was about her phone call or why she had to return to Gotham. Thus he justified her wrongs and secrets must be on par or even worse than his he made something wrong just as less as her. Until now he didn´t know at all why Alexandra had to go back. At least he had told her about one of his reasons. So if somebody would have a reason to be angry, then it would be him!

Jonathan was torn from his thoughts when he heard Alexandra's voice.

"I understand, Jon." she said in a low voice. "It´s okay."

Jonathan drove the Jaguar down the highway exit, heading into the direction of Gotham Central Jail.

_"Well, she might be angry at you, but at least she doesn´t bitch around …"_ Scarecrow giggled sneeringly.

_"Shut up!"_ Jonathan barked at him in his mind. _"I didn´t ask you about your opinion!"_

"Thank you for your understanding." Jonathan responded, smiling lightly and pressed Alexandra´s hand.

Alexandra smiled as well, but her smile seemed to be rather agonized as again an oppressive feeling came over her.

Was it already Gotham's influence that they start fighting about Jonathan's work at 2 a.m. like an old married couple? Did they indeed start being jealous about each other's life and work? Was it their destiny now to start behaving like a normal couple, fighting about every little thing even if it was unnecessary?

_The big difference is that we're not a normal couple.'_ flashed through Alexandra´s mind when Jonathan said "There we are." and parked the Jaguar next to an illuminated sign of the jail.

Were they a couple at all?

"It will take just a moment, but I'd prefer if you would wait for me inside." Jonathan said softly and pressed Alexandra's hand. "I don't feel well to leave you here in the car all alone in this area."

A light smile whisked over Alexandra's face. Again this was the Jonathan she knew from past days. Physically he might not be the ideal of a man and Jonathan might have his strange behaviour, but he was taking care of her and he was worried about her. He wasn't a crude, insensitive brick. Jonathan tried to protect her in his own way - and for this she loved him even more.

Alexandra knew she couldn't change what happened. Nothing and nobody could turn back the clock, unmaking what he had done to her family. But there was one thing Alexandra was aware of - Jonathan loved her, even if he wasn't honest with her yet, even if he still kept so many secrets from her.

She wouldn't be able to wash away the blood from his hands, as much as he would regret his deeds.

Even he wouldn't be able to take her sins away from her, but in spite of everything that had happened in her life so far, Alexandra knew that she loved Jonathan - and maybe their love for each other was the only thingthat would save them, which could redeem them.

"Alright, Jon." Alexandra said and nodded shortly, then both got out of the Jaguar.

Jonathan locked the car, then both walked over to the postern.

Alexandra noticed herself keeping physical distance to Jonathan and he didn't touch her either, when he opened the door and let Alexandra step inside. After their beautiful days in Cuesta Verde, this was odd to her, almost strange. But she had to awaken into what situation they were in now. This wasn't an entertainment visit; it was about business now and feelings and physical closeness would be definitely at the wrong place in this moment. Though Alexandra now realized how much she needed Jonathan, how much she was longing for his closeness. And again, she became aware of what she already had become aware of in Cuesta Verde. No matter what would happen next: by no means, she would give up Jonathan ever again.

Alexandra was torn from her thoughts. Both were now standing in the jail´s entrance hall and Jonathan had exchanged a couple of words with the officer at the counter. He was sitting behind a huge pane of bullet-proof glass and pushed a visitor ID towards Jonathan through a small slot.

"You are expected, Dr. Crane." he murmured while Jonathan clamped the shrink-wrapped plastic card on to the breast pocket of his suit.

Jonathan didn´t respond and turned round to Alexandra, who was inspecting the jail´s entrance door in the meantime.

"Maybe ... you could ...?" he started softly and pointed with his head into the direction of the wooden suite, being located in a corner of the hall. "It won't take that long ..."

"Don´t worry, Jon ..." Alexandra responded and gazed into his eyes. "I´ll be here, waiting for you."

"Okay ..." Jonathan whispered and in this moment Alexandra felt his hand touching her´s softly. "I'll be back soon."

_The animals have returned to their cages now.´_ Alexandra thought, sighing lightly, then she walked over to the suite while Jonathan passed though the security check and went downstairs to the cellar into the ward of the prisoner cells.


End file.
